Friday, December 24, 2010
First of all, this is a 30 Day Challenge, that was started on October 21st. 30 Day Challenge means it should have been finished in 30 Days, not 30 different posts spread across 2 months. Blogging isn't your life, soooo...I understand.
Second, let me just say I am proud of the woman you have become. No you didn't own your condo at 25, and get engaged at 27, like you planned. But you have been living life to the fullest. Honestly, if you were to find out you were pregnant today, would you feel as if you have kicked it enough?
If you're going to keep adding ish to your bucket list, you betta start getting ish cracking. Remember, we don't need these eggs to first contribute to the Earth's population when you turn 35. No ma'am, we want to start that a lil sooner.
And last but not least, I think you have enough damn friends. Go hide under a rock, woman! The world is too small, and soon you're going to find someone who is related to the OB/GYN that helped bring you into this world.
Matter of fact, just sit down somewhere.
I'm kidding...keep living, keep growing, and most importantly...
DO YOU BOO! :-)
Another wasted letter. *kicks keyboard*
K to the...
I was about 3 years old and you introduced broccoli to my lifespace. My exact words, according to my mom, after tasting this cruciferous plant was:
"Oooh, that taste good to my lips."
*If any of you bastards "Pause" or "Wait, what?" that statement while reading this...you have no couth. lol Come on guys...I was 3 years old!*
Ever since then, broccoli has been a part of my life...and my favorite vegetable. So thanks to you, Nana! Without you, I don't know how regular my BMs would be. :-)
I miss you so much! Check out the letter I wrote to your son. I think you'll be proud of me, too!
K to the...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Dear Chicken Little,
I still can't believe you let people call you that. But um...yeah, you were the coolest person on the ship. I can't remember where you were from, but I do know as a member of the Caucasoid group...you had hella rhythm. We juked in the hallway to some jams played on a piano. That doesn't happen on a normal day.
Anyway, thanks for helping the fam get ignant in the hallway! Hope all is well with you...wherever you are.
K to the...
But I did swear I wouldn't say anything when someone told me a secret.
I'm pretty sure I've still kept it to myself. :-)
You know how I am about my #1 Rule. ;-)
K to the...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
And crack a joke to lighten the mood. :-)
I love you guys.
K to the...
I suck...I know.
But you're not going to do anything about it. It's MY blog! lol
K to the...
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
K to the...
Friday, December 17, 2010
Maybe it was that perfectly matched pinstriped suit, shirt and tie you had on the first time I met you.
Maybe it was the fact that you and I were the same age.
Maybe it was the fact that you were FOINE!
Maybe it was the fact that you were a deacon.
Either way, I was wrong!
You were indeed a slore.
K to the...
K to the...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
So thank you, Music...thank you for keeping me sane. I honestly don't know how I'd get through life without you.
K to the...
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Did you think you'd go from joining the team at BU as a walk-on to being in the WNBA!?! The max a WNBA player can make per season is $95,000. Whereas the NBA player who only plays in the 4th quarter when his team is winning by 30 points can make up to 4 times that amount! I guess when you're doing what you love...sometimes money doesn't even matter.
Keep doing you, boo!
K to the...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Amazing how our friendship ended because of a lie...dumb auss lie!
You lost your virginity while I was away to school.
I came up on a gang of condoms.
I gave you some condoms because you were having sex, not me.
I got blamed for you having sex (while I was still a virgin)
I find out that you date girls.
I meet your girlfriend.
We catch up on life.
Then you tell me, "You know, I'm still a virgin."
Wait a minute!!!
I didn't even have the heart to go back to November 2000 and remind you of the hurt I experienced...because you lied.
Your parents wouldn't let us talk anymore...because you lied.
Your "parents looked down on me...because you lied.
Your parents saw me as a bad influence...because you lied.
What a f***ing liar!!!
K to the...
Monday, December 13, 2010
I know you're doing big things over in "the East"...but um, I have one request.
Can you conduct a "sushi rolling" class upon your return? I'm tired of giving Tokyo Lunch Box & Catering my $5.56 once a week.
Miss ya! :-)
K to the...
Friday, December 10, 2010
It seems like the nights are never long enough, and morning comes too soon. Even our weekends together are limited because I decided to not be a lazy auss. But please believe, I do enjoy the time we DO spend together.
See you tonight! Keep it warm for me, baby!
K to the...
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
I hadn't heard from you on a regular basis in months. Wasn't getting any responses to texts or emails. I guess you were too busy. Yet I still prayed for you when you asked me to in your time of need.
Welp, that's all you'll ever get from me from now on.
K to the...
Thursday, December 2, 2010
During my freshman year at BU, alot of jokes were told about you two. I don't know if you guys knew we were talking about your hairstyles (or lack thereof) or the way you dressed...or even heard the nicknames. But I do want to say that I apologize for my actions.
I've seen one of you since I've graduated...even spoke. But you kept it moving, and that's fine. Like I said, I apologize.
K to the...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
You left when I was only 5 months old...before I could even give you a nickname. So lemme give you a Cliff Notes version of my life.
Learned to walk
Realized I don't like having dirty hands or feet
Taught myself how to hoop
Had my first real kiss at 12
Graduated from grammar school
Went to the best high school in the city
Played basketball for the best high school in the city
Your son taught me how to drive
Graduated from the best high school in the city
Went to Bradley University
Tried out for the basketball team and made it
Lost my virginity at 19 (stop searching for your gun)
Graduated with my Bacherlors in Accounting in 4 1/2 years
Started working in the "real world" a week after graduation
At my third job
Youngest in my department
Obtained my Masters in Accounting
Live on my own
Became a Sigma Gamma Rho
Been to Mardi Gras twice, amongst other places
Took a tap dance class
I think I did pretty good in the past 28 years, don't you? Mei-Mei (That's what I started calling Ella Mae when I started talking) and Mom took good care of me. Your sons looked out for me as well. Did you know that they are just as crazy as I heard you were? :-)
I feel like I'm missing some other major events, but those are the ones that stick out to me, right now. I hope you're proud of me.
K to the...
Monday, November 29, 2010
Can you believe it's been 6 years since we've all been in the same 4-block radius of each other? Alot has changed in the past 6 years. Some of the changes include:
A baby has been born;
Advance degrees have been obtained;
Advance degrees are being worked on;
Zip codes have been changed (multiple times for some)
Significant others have been acquired;
Significant others have exited stage left;
Maturity has taken over;
Can you believe we're still good friends? Thanks to the The School that Lydia Started, we've created a bond. And though I don't talk to you all everyday or every week, you all are still my girls. Anytime we get together, it's like May 2004 all over again. I love y'all.
K to the...
Friday, November 26, 2010
I LOVED Love & Basketball because it seemed like an autobiography for me. Well, the "1st Quarter" when Monica first met Quincy. After that, it was someone else's life. Anywho, I saw your skills on the court, and I see you boo! But this letter isn't about your skills, ma'am! I have a serious question that I need you to answer.
How did you get your arms to look so muscular, yet still feminine, in the movie?
I was on the basketball team all through high school. We did conditioning, including lifting weight. I even did push-ups every night before going to bed because I was determined to get some cut (#waitwhat) in my arms. But ya know what...NOTHING.
Having long, skinny arms is NOT sexy to me. Sometimes I feel like I look like this:
So, here I am, at the ripe age of 25*, 20 lbs heavier than h.s., and I still can't get any cuts in my arms. I've pretty much given up. However, I have to see my little sister, who is 13 years younger than me, with bigger wrists and arms than me hitting me with the flex! What kinda ish is this? Praise Yahweh for my calf muscles.
So, again I ask...how did you do it, Sanaa?
K to the...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
As a member of the Twitter Elite Gang bka The Goons...I just want you to know this one thing. When you make it to Chicago, and we all kick it...It's going down!!!
Also, as a charter member of Omicron Tau Beta Fraternity Un-Incorporated, I advise that you write a letter to your liver AT LEAST a month before said outing with the goons. The letter is simple, yet it shows the liver some love; it shows that you care about your liver. So, take note and use for future reference.
The letter goes as follows:
Can't wait to meet ya!
K to the...
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Dear K, A & R,
Thank God for birth control and prophylactics!!! I couldn't imagine being stuck with you for 18 years of my life. I definitely dodged a bullet! *Hi5*
K to the...
Today, I walked in the gig pretty much on time. Had my bagel, was heading to the kitchen to get some of Lipton's finest. Why is it when I'm heading to the kitchen, someone wants to say some reckless ish to me?
One of my co-workers is a fellow Greek, a Lady of the Crimson and Creme. She and I were discussing a step show and a skating party the Men of the Black and Old Gold have every year. So, I told her I went last year and there were alot of men there; not necessarily men in our age group, but a lot of men.
So I head to the kitchen, and behind me is Smart Auss Sally.
What does she say?
"But you got a man!"
I'm in a relationship, but I'm not blind, heaux! I know what the hell I have! If I recognize men in the place, I'm going to acknowledge men in the place.
MIND YA GAT DAYUM BUSINESS!!!!
UGH, these nosy auss people make me sick!
K to the...
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Do you have anything in your wardrobe besides football jerseys; specifically, the same 4 or 5 football jerseys I see you wear? You're either rocking a Steelers, Bills, Bears, Packers...and another jersey that I can't remember. Or maybe it's just 4? I even notice that you seem to rock the Bears jersey on Mondays. Then you be "on" with the shoes to match. Dirty...yet the colors match.
Do you have any other jerseys...or maybe just a regular shirt? I randomly saw you working while I was on my lunch break two weeks ago[from the day I wrote this]. So I see you wear a uniform at work. Maybe what you wear to work doesn't matter to you. I don't know.
Do you boo! *shrug*
K to the...
Monday, November 15, 2010
How 'bout you let me remember you when I wake up...instead of when I'm walking to the bus stop on Madison & Wabash. And what's with the sex dreams that seem so real? Get it together.
K to the...
Friday, November 12, 2010
You are THEE flyest grandmother I know, and I don’t just say that because you’re my grandmother. I remember walking around in your heels when I was little, which seems to be a tradition because all of the granddaughters did that. I remember sitting and watching you get dressed; watching a diva at work. Some of your diva traits have passed down to each of your granddaughters. I know you didn’t think I’d go from being a tomboy to loving to rock a fly pair of heels and show my legs. Yes, this is all because of you. But something has been bothering me as I’ve matured into a grown woman and I need to address it.
WHY ARE YOU A SIZE 9 ½ IN SHOES?!?
Mei-Mei, do you know how much I would be slaying h-…I mean, this women if I was able to rock some of those shoes that you have? Some of those high heels that you KNOW you won’t be wearing again…why do you tease my soulspace like this!?!?! This is soooooooooooo unfair! And it's nothing that can be done about this!!!
That's OK, I'll just buy replicas in an 8 1/2...
After I pay you back for that Alvin Ailey ticket. :-)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
So today's post is dedicated to those recurring topics.
Ok, we get it...you're natural. I am too...and so were the Cabbage Patch Dolls.
Ok, we get it...you didn't like Tyler Perry's "For Colored Girls". I don't expect you to buy the DVD when it comes out. Matter of fact...
Ok, we get it...you don't like Tyler Perry.
Ok, we get it...there are Black men on the DL who get HIV/AIDS and give them to their spouses. If I have to see this in another movie/TV show...
Ok, we get it...you love/hate Kobe and Lebron James.
Ok, we get it...you want twitter to fix your follower/following/tweet count because the wrong numbers is detrimental to your twitter health. Guess what...#NobodyCaresB
Ok, we get it...racism is still alive.
Ok, we get it...you're tired of these fools out here putting 22s on their cars, living the good life...but still living with their...single black mothers (see last point)
Ok, we get it...you don't like Nicki Minaj or Lil Wayne.
Ok, we get it...you're tired of the "Free [Jailed Rapper]" movement.
Ok, we get it...a lot of the rap music today is wack.
Ok, we get it...you're not gay.
Ok, we get it...you are gay.
Ok, we get it...your sorority/frat is the best and you can't see yourself wearing any other colors. No sheeit...otherwise, you'd be in those other colors. (And this is from someone in a sorority).
Ok, we get it...you have haters. I don't recall reading in Matthew, Mark, Luke OR John about Jesus constantly talking about His haters.
Ok, we get it...Black women are so difficult because we have children out of wedlock, get on welfare, buy our kids Jordans, have high standards, have too many degrees, get relaxers, rock lacefronts, we're too independent, don't cook, rock Skittles-colored hair, consider dating outside of our race, don't give fellatio between 1p - 2p, our number of sex partners is too high for your comfort, we don't like for our hair to get wet, we take birth control, blah blah and more effing blah.
Ok, we get it...you're a [astrological sign] till the day you die. However, you really don't have a choice, do you?
OK, WE GET IT!!!
Anything else I miss? Feel free to share.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Then y'all did the unthinkable, and came out with a double album, "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below". I loved both albums, but it was something about yours that resulted in it having more scratches on it than your partner's. At this point, I knew I couldn't call myself an Outkast fan, and not have the first two albums, so I copped (OK, burned) "Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik" & "ATLiens." Yess, you and ya boy have been a major part of my undergrad years.
When y'all came out with "Idlewild," I honestly didn't see it as an album...I saw it as a soundtrack. But regardless, I still bought it and went to see the movie. I swear, I was the only one in the theater geeked up, singing "Moving Cool," word-for-word while everyone else was like "What is this?"
There hasn't been an Outkast album since Idlewild...and I have been fiending. However, you've been featured on some of everyone's joints, From Devin the Dude to Chris Brown...KILLING IT! And your fashion style is inimitable. Some see you as odd, but to me...mmm...I'm going.
But anywho, no more features. I need an album with you on every song...an Outkast album! Come on, Andre 3000...make it happen. And then help me scratch "Seeing Outkast in concert" off my bucket list. :-)
Crushing on you,
K to the...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
During the twenty plus years of friendship, we have watched each other grow from 1st graders to grown auss women. We have watched each other's younger sibling grow into beautiful young women. Now, it's almost that time to watch some of our own seeds grow to beautiful young women or handsome young men. With that said, I expect my god child to be conceived by 2012. Put the shut to the up...the sperm to the egg...and make it happen.
Love, Hug My Neck
P.S. Don't worry about when you'll get your godchild. This is about me and MY
I've seen folk do the 30 Prefixed topics...or 30 day letters for their blog. So I think I will be doing that. It will help me to update my blog more regularly.
So, coming later...a letter to my best friend.
K to the...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Well, my theory was proven wrong. Maybe because he doesn't have a membership at the Y. It's something about the level "bitch" in those Y cats that...
Wait, what was I saying?
Anywho, I used to be too friendly when it came to giving out my phone number. I would give guys my number, thinking they'll be cool...but then they'll turn out to be crazy, like this cat here.
So I stopped doing that ish. But I'd notice that some guys would just give me their numbers, without me asking; the same guys I had NO interest in.
Let's take it back...way back...but not really. Let's rewind to LAST YEAR (that's right, 2009).
I'm walking to my car as I'm leaving the gym and this guy walks out with me. He willingly gives me his number...I said I MIGHT call him. MIGHT! I think I may have seen him once or twice after that.
Now fast forward to July of THIS YEAR.
I see him and I say "what's up?"
He rolls his eyes at me.
I mean he rolled them so hard I should have hit him with the "You can roll em, you can control em, but you sholl can't..."
We ended up on the same team. He'll say what was necessary (ya know simple ish like "shoot the J...SHOOT IT!"1), but once the game is over, he still wouldn't speak to me.
It wasn't until last week when I was chatting with the Young Blood that he decides to speak.
So I hit him with the "now you wanna speak?" This is when he said he was mad at me because I didn't call him...LAST YEAR! He said he'll speak next time I see him....after he tried to give me his number, again!!!
What did we learn today, boys and girls?
Some men wear briefs...then you have some that wear panties. lol
K to the...
1. I was shullbitting. lol
Time for another installment in “The Love & Basketball Chronicles: Hate edition”.
This post is about the "Young Meat". For those who didn’t read my blogpost on what a young meat is, here’s a quick review.
After a two week hiatus due to the basketball courts being closed, the gym is back open. So last week, as I was waiting for my game, I went off to the side to shoot some free throws. Well, this young gentleman, who we’ll call “Young Blood” decides to shoot around with me. No problem. Then, it turns into a series of free throw shooting contests, best out of 5. I’m thinking it’s all good (as in no flirting) because this Y.B. is aware of my age.
I was wrong.
So it gets to the tie breaking shot, and he goes “7-7-3.” I laugh it off like “I know he isn’t tryna ask for my number on the sly.
And he repeats it again. I wave him off, because I AIN'T GOING!!!
Before we left the gym, he says “You owe me!” I told him I owe him a Gatorade for losing.
Better to restore your electrolytes, rather than have your ego shattered by me NOT giving you my digits.
K to the...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
What is this rule you ask? Well, it’s quite simple.
SHUT THE HELL UP!
Following this simple rule will have you going places in life, son!
A) You don’t have to lie
If I don’t have to share info, then I won’t. When you share info, folk get curious and wanna ask questions. And if you don’t want folk to know certain details, you do one of two things: a) You lie, or; ii) you just shut the hell up.
“I'll go with ‘Shut The Hell Up,' for $500 Alex!”
2) You keep your friends
I had to end a “best friend”-ship because someone went and told my business and it got back to me. If I wanted other folk to know my business, I would have *wait for it* told them myself! Trust is an important factor with dealing with ships (friend and relation). You break it,
Also, who wants to be friends with someone who cant hold water if they were a camel with six humps? "Not I," said the
iii) You have inside jokes
Inside jokes can be so rude, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t funny to the insiders. I have an inside joke right now and when I type it, only one other person will get it. (I need to make sure she reads this post)
You think you know what this is about, but you really don’t. Will the inside joke ever been outside? No! Why?
Because we shut the hell up!
d) You won't be ignored
I don't know about yall, but I hate being ignored. Whether it's being ignored by friends, or the mice who were in my apt acting as if I wasn't there as they snacked on the peanut butter that was in the mouse traps. *shrug* Sometimes, believe it or not, folk don't really care about certain ish that's going on in your life. If folk ask, then, obviously, they're curious and want to know. If not....then I'll just...ya know...
Shut the hell up!
So what have we learned, today, ladies and gentlemen?
I'm not telling you a damn thang! lol
"Now run and tell dat, homeboy!"
K to the...
P.S. The title of the post is the title of an Episode of The Wire from Season 4. Pop culture for the muthaluving win!
Friday, August 6, 2010
This is the 2nd installment in my chronicles on the court entitled "Hate & Basketball". I thought it would be ideal to share with my 5 readers my experiences at the gym.
Today, we're going to focus on the different types of guys I encounter at the gym.
1. The "Young Meat"
This is usually a young phallus-carrier between the ages of 16 and 23. He tries to holla, lowkey. It starts with a little flirting while on the court with me, then when I'm sitting down, he comes over and 99.999% of the time, the convo goes like this:
YM: What h.s. you go to?
Me: I graduated
YM: What college you go to?
Me: I graduated
2. The "Coach"
I put this in quotation marks because this person isn't a damn coach. He usually falls in the "Young Meat" category; but he feels that because he has a phallus, he has better knowledge of the game. Whereas, I have a vagina and don't know what I'm doing, besides run and make sure I dribble. He's usually the one saying:
"You've got to shoot more. Don't hesitate, just let it ride."
"I'm gonna set a screen for you and you're gonna shoot it"
"Let's run a play...Computer Blue"
Ok, maybe not the last line, but you get the point. How bout you shut up! I've been playing longer than you've been on Earth.
3. The "Underestimator"
Just this past Tuesday, my team was on a winning streak. During the 1st game, I was a bit sluggish since I hadn't hooped in over a month and was extra lax while on the court. So this "Young Meat" gets on the court and say "I'm gonna stick the girl. She's only gonna shoot...not much running around."
I ran dude all over the court...and jizzed on him, dropping 3s all in his face.
4. The "Whiner"
This is the dude who is constantly complaining. I mean, I'm 5'6"...135lbs. You damn right I'm moving out the way when 6'12"...185lbs is charging towards the hoop, knees up. Negro gon' tell me "step in front him". What, and have a mastectomy & hysterectomy? I like my mams and uterus, thank you very much.
Friday, June 11, 2010
It's unofficially the summer here in the Chi. The hoodrats are out and the White Castle on 79th St. has been jumping.
That's right...summertime Chi!
Well, summertime seems to be when I hoop more than usual. I'm not being vain, but being one of the only cute, look-like-a-female females who be hooping at the Y, I encounter alot of guys trying to hit on me.
From 15 (yeah, I said it) to almost 40.
I decided I would blog share with my 4 readers what I see/hear/encounter when I'm at the gym. So ladies and gents, I introduce to you...
"Lust and Basketball"
Today's post starts with a guy who just doesn't take no for answer. We'll call him Possum Aloysius...or P.A. for short.
I've had my membership at this particular YMCA since 2005. I think I met P.A. back in 2006. This is when I was in my friendly stage. Ya know...give a guy number if he asks...chit chat on the phone as friends.
Well, P.A. was starting to become a bit too possessive for me. I mean, would get upset if I'm conversing with another guy while waiting for my "next"...or go play 1-on-1 with someone else (Will save the 1-on-1 stories for another post). Sir, you've never seen me in anything besides a Bradley Athletics t-shirt, shorts and Nike Shox. Go satcho auss down, nah!
Anywho, P.A. start getting a little crazy...talking to me any type of way, so I ignored his auss! He'll call...I wouldn't answer. After a while, he got a clue. *Praise Moses*
Fast forward to Spring 2009, I see him at the gym. He had moved to Iowa, but was still in Chicago on the weekends or...som'n. I don't remember...which shows how much I cared, right? Anywho, he apologize for what happened in '06 and then tried to make his move, asking if we can try again.
Try what, sir?
Fast forward to last month. Now when I see him, it's annoying. Everywhere I am, he just so happens to be near me. I'm sitting on the floor, dripping in sweat waiting for the next game, here he comes to talk to the guy running the court about some young negroid who he schooled a few days ago.
Sir, nobody cares.
Below is a conversation that we had the last time I went to hoop. This convo is going on as I'm shooting around, waiting for the next 5 to get on the court (My team was ON on this day)
P.A.: What are you doing when you leave here?
Me: Going to get something to eat, then going home?
P.A.: Can I take you to dinner
P.A.: Why not?
Me: Because when I go home, I'm taking a shower, then going to sleep
P.A.: We can go out to eat after you take your shower
*sidenote: gym doesn't close till 10. At this point, it's almost 9p*
P.A.: When can I take you out?
Me: I don't want to go out with you
P.A.: Can we exchange numbers again?
P.A.: Why not? Because of last time?
Me: I'm just not interested
P.A.: Well, how bout I give you my number, then you can call me if you want.
Me: I guess
I made sure he didn't see me when I left the gym. lol
K to the...
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Good morning world,
The title of today's post is exactly how I felt when I woke up this morning.
Well let me tell you.
Yesterday, I had a pretty good day. Went to the doctor, picked up Mothers' Day gifts for mom and grandmother, filled up the tank and went grocery shopping. I had a very productive day outside of work.
So, if you follow me on Twitter, then you know I'm taking a tap dance class and we meet on Tuesdays. Well, this week, we did this exercise off of Jamiroquai's "Corner of the Earth" and I had been playing the song all day! When I got home, I figured I'd get a lil practice in before settling down for the night.
So, I get in the crib with all my groceries, throw on my tap shoes and I figure I'd go in for a good 4 minutes. So I'm in the kitchen, tapping....
And I see a dark blur run past my foot.
A damn mouse!
I pause in my tracks like "That's a damn mouse!"
So, I call my mom...hysterical! I mean, I'm crying telling her it's a mouse in my apartment. Anybody who’s ever been to my crib knows I don’t leave food sitting out. The only things that’ll be out are shoes and clothes when I’m too lazy to hang them up.
I call building maintenance and let them know it's a mouse in my apartment. They say they will come by with glue traps tomorrow. Tomorrow? Uh ruh...the mouse is here TONIGHT!
After I get off the phone…do you know this little focker ran out about 2-3 more times. I screamed everytime I saw him. I mean, you just gon come out...with the lights on like you own the place? I need to ask this little focker for rent.
Below are a few of my tweets last night. Thank God for sense of humor. My twitfam’s and bff’s responses to this unfortunate situation only made it even funnier!
-I've been living here for two years! My apt is clean...so I'm just blown.
-Dammit I just seen it again!!! I screamed and it ran in my closet. I wanna cry...wait...I did when I was on the phone with my mom!!! lol
-ITS IN MY LINEN CLOSET. JESUS BE A MOUSETRAP. I CANT STAY HERE TONIGHT!!!
-HE JUST RAN IN ONE OF MY GROCERY BAGS. I just bought that damn cantalope...2 for $4. This lil nigga gots ta go!!!
-This lil nigga is playing me for a fool...disrespectful! My mom is on her way...bldg maint talmbout tomorrow. hell naw!
-I'm standing here in my tap shoes by the front door like a lil bish. I dont do roaches and rodents!
-I'm tryna be calm...but when I calm down, thats when Ben wanna show up again. I'm scared to put away my groceries!
-I'm all for glue traps..but who's gonna throw that bitch out when it gets stuck?!? ME?!?
-I was having such a good day...WTF!!!
So my mom came with some mouse traps last night. We put them out and I slept at her crib…in lil sis’s bed…on the Spongebob Squarepants sheets.
“Absorbant and yellow and porous is he!”
I just called building maintenance to make sure they close up all the holes in the apartment. I told him I didn’t sleep at the crib and the guy asks why?
Hopefully the bastard is gone when I get home. If not, who has an extra bedroom at their crib?
Or who wants to cuddle with me? I swear I won’t fart on you.
K to the…
Thursday, April 29, 2010
It's about that time for another installment of the Cubicle Chronicles, the "Hey NuNu" edition.
There are a couple people here at the gig who I know not to say much to because I can see the invisible "Hi, my name is SNITCH" name tag they wear. Yeah, I see invisible stuff.
So in the morning, whenever I go in the break room to get my tea, if it's one of two ladies in there...I know I'm going to walk out the room with my eyes to the ceiling like "Lord, I know you're testing my patience". Well today, one of the two was in there and I just HAD to share this story.
We'll call this lady Sherlock Holme-Girl,
You know, after you see someone on the regular and speak, you ask their name so you can actually give a formal greeting instead of just saying "Hi". Well, Sherlock Holme-Girl, asked my name one day and I guess from there she thought we were just friends till the end.
See this lady works in the department that sits behind us. EVERYone, in my opinion, is a snitch in that department. Even the lady who asked how I did my hair yesterday. She might snitch to the natural gods or som'n...I don't know. So anywho, for about a week, I would always see Sherlock Holme-girl in the bathroom around 4p. I started noticing her questions were a bit too much:
"You getting ready to go home?"
"What time are you leaving?"
"Yall can leave early on Fridays?"
"You going to Orland to do some shoppin?"
GET SOME BIDNESS!
So today was the ultimate nosiness for me. I mean, she made me think "I know my life ain't that interesting to her." I didn't stop to get breakfast this morn, so I said I'd get a pastry out the vending machine. Well, Sherlock Holme-Girl was in the breakroom and this morning's events go as follow:
Me: *walks in* Good morning
SH-G: Good morning, girl it's almost Friday
Me: Yeah I know *walks to vending machine*
SH-G: Getting something out the vending machine?
*then she walks OVER to the damn vending machine, stands behind me*
SH-G: Oh you getting a pop tart?
Me: Yeah, I didn't get breakfast
SH-G: *walks back to whatever the hell she was doing before*
*Here comes Smart Auss Sally entering stage right*
SAS: Now, I know you're not getting any candy.
Me: A Pop Tart is breakfast food
SAS: Oh I was about to say...just cuz you're little doesnt mean you can eat junk food for breakfast
SH-G: Girl if I eat a Pop Tart, I'd blow up.
Me: *thinking* "BOTH OF YALL SHUT YOUR FAT AUSSES UP!!!" *grabs tea* *leaves*
It's always something...
K to the...
P.S. I don't like calling people "fat"...but when you come at my size like I'm anorexic and you don't even know ish about me, I get defensive.
P.P.S. My coworker is still saying my cousin is watching him in my pic. o_O
P.P.S.S. My co-worker, low-key, tried to call my cousin gay. "He's 36, not married, no kids...red flag!" He isn't gay...you just want him to be gay so you can have him. Go get some bidness!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Stop looking at me like that!
Yeah, I know...it's been a while.
*hangs head in shame*
But today a certain "Thought of The Week" we used to read in h.s. freshman year came to mind and I thought I'd share it with you guys.
If any of my readers had Ms. Sharpe, then you know ALL about this
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
It will make or break a company...
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past...
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.
And so it is with you...
we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
~Charles R. Swindoll
Have a good one everyone!
K to the...
Monday, March 29, 2010
Rudeness #1: His boo is sooooooo funny looking.
Rudeness #2: Lol...ur so funny. Did he speak or did he try to play u?
Rudeness #1: He spoke, but gave the phony hug, then I realized that was her behind him.
Rudeness #2: That's funny...she is very funny looking though she looks worse with no weave...lol happy for them though
Rudeness #1: She had no weave on...MESS!
Rudeness #2: Lol yes a hot mess!!!!! And I'm sure a face full of ugly makeup!!!! I hate to see her without it
Rudeness #1: It was dim...and she was still funny looking. lol Didnt see how she looked in the light.
Rudeness #2: u may have ran cause it is so not cute. Nice to have ur guard dog on standby for u at all times...lol that was wrong I didn't mean that lol
Rudeness #1: LMAO! U are rude as hell. LMAO!
Rudeness #2: LMAO...I apologize cause that was mean. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that
Rudeness #1: I'm still laughing
Rudeness #2: I know she was growling when u hugged [him]...she a very good and protective bitch...lol ok no more
Rudeness #1: LMAO! I hatechu!
Rudeness #2: No u don't...lol
Rudeness #1: Lol Ok, i dont
Rudeness #2: Rudeness #3 calls her bridezilla and it has nothing to do with her attitude LMBO
Rudeness #1: Yall are so rude! lol
Rudeness #2: No her face and fat ass is rude and [he] is just cruel for bringing her out to terrorize the world lol...
Rudeness #1: LMAO
Rudeness #2: Ok but for real if he happy then so I am...that's what he loves...they will make beautiful babies...LMAO...ok i'm just reaching with that one
Rudeness #1: LMAO! Stop it...stop it right now! LMAO
Rudeness #2: U stop it...u started it LOL
Rudeness #1: Lol Nature started it...I just made an observation!
Rudeness #2: Sometimes Nature ain't even right!!!!! Just mean I say!!!!!!!!
Rudeness #1: LMAO! Stop it...stop it RAHT now
Rudeness #1: I'm making this convo blog post lol
Rudeness #2: Lol where u posting it?
Rudeness #1: To my blog...Imma do it this evening. lol
Rudeness #2: I didn't know u had a blog...lol...but that convo was hilarity (new word)
Rudeness #1: I use hilarity on the reg. And negro, i texted yall about the blog when I first started it. lol
Rudeness #2: I'm sorry but where do I work again????? Right I'm becoming the people I work for lol
Rudeness #1: Lol contagious Alzheimers...thats a new strand
Rudeness #2: Ummm yeah...the pentagon is researching now lol
Rudeness #1: lol
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Life has been busy for me since the last post, but once “March Madness” (No NCAA) is done, then I should be back on track bringing your randomocity from my side of the world.
Today, I decided to end the hiatus for a good cause. Today, is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NWGHAAD)! Created by the Office of Women’s Health, NWGHAAD is March 10th of every year. Its goal is to serve as a day for women to come together to encourage dialogue and educate women and girls about the HIV/AIDS epidemic and its increasing impact.
Today is also the one year anniversary of The Red Pump Project…for whom I am the accountant. I know…my profession does NOT match my personality filled with ignance and randomocity.
But it’s what I do…what I love…and I’m honored to be a part of such a great team. Go Team Red Pump!
In commemoration of NWGHAAD, and in celebration of the Red Pump Project’s one year anniversary, The Red Pump Project will have their inaugural fashion show Rock the RED: Bold. Fashion. Awareness. The show will be held on March 25, 2010 . We will be honoring Emmy Award-winning HIV/AIDS activist Rae Lewis-Thornton with the "Ultimate Red Pump Rocker" Award. If you haven’t bought your ticket yet, what is your life about!?! Get it together!
Well, work awaits me. You all have a lovely day. And ladies…rock those red pumps…red flats…red kix like you’re the sexiest beast in the world. Give life!
And if you juicing tonight..or any night…WRAP THAT S#!T UP B!!!
I’m just serious.
K to the…
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I am still alive here in the blog world. But ever since my addiction to Twitter, my random thoughts I'd usually post here, are now being tweeted. However, I've realized all my Twitter followers don't read my blog; and all those that read my blog aren't necessarily on Twitter. So I'm going to make a better effort to post twice a week. It was thrice when I first started, but The Man (the CEO, who is actually a black woman) has me working, fa realla!
Now that I've gotten this disclaimer out the way, here's another edition of the Cubicle Chronicles.
Today's post is focused on the coworker who sits to my right. He's from the motherland, & a real sweetheart. He used to work my nerves because he does talk alot, and I'm not real talkative at work. But I've been engaging in more convo, even letting my ignance show at times.
Over, the past couple weeks, he's done some things that require me to give a o_O!
1.) On one of my cubicle walls, I have pics of fam, and my friends' kids. (Yeah, Ion't have any kids, so I have to flaunt someone else's.) Anywho, there's a group fam pic, and my cousin is in this pic. Well, my co-worker has a crush on him...just off this picture. Everytime my coworker stands up and faces me, he can see this pic. Well one day he told me...he looks at that pic everytime he stands up; says my cousin is seducing him in the pic.
A part of me wants to move the pics.
2.) One day I was at my desk after coming from lunch or a meeting; can't remember exactly, but I was away from my desk for a while. So I'm working and all of a sudden, he reaches over the cubicle wall...and places MY 3-hole punch on my desk. He said "I had to use this." Obviously, but...wait a minute, dammit! You just gon' take my ish off my desk? This the same dude who entered my cubicle, unannounced, took some of my Kleenex, then walked out.
But, um...back to my "wait a minute, dammit!" You are rude!
It's always something...
K to the...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Today's post is more somber than other posts here on Fantastical Randomocity. I'm sure everyone has heard about what happened in Haiti and it's devastating. Reminds me of watching my people suffer in New Orleans after Hurrican Katrina. What's even more devastating about this situation in Haiti is knowing someone who's down there.
Sunday, I received an IM from my cousin saying he was on the last plane to Haiti. I was away from my computer, so by the time I saw the message and responded to see how long he would be there...no response. So when I find out about the earthquake...it hits me! So I text...no response. I call...straight to voicemail. My cousin calls his wife...straight to voicemail. I know cell phone service is weak there, but folk have been able to tweet and fb they are ok. So I wrote on his fb wall....just hoping I could get some response from him. Hopefully when he gets some power back to his phone...he'll text me back.
I see images of people sleeping in the street...caught under rubble and I can't help but to think, "Is my cousin out there? What about the baby?"
So prayers to Haiti today...and I'm saying a special prayer for my cousin and his family.
Also, click on the banner to donate to the relief fund. Or you can text "yele" to 501501 to donate $5. The $5 will be added to your cell phone bills.
Come on yall...every little bit counts!!!
K to the...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
This week has been a trying week here at the gig. So instead of me just being the usual K to the..., I now have to show these people why there are three letters behind my name in my email signature.
So for this installment in cubicle chronicles, the subject is communication?
Maintain a CYA file!
Having a Cover Your Auss file is muy importante in the the world of email today. Just yesterday, a lady told my mgr she didn't receive a file from me. I politely checked my sent folder...and FORWARDED the original email to her. Of course, she hits me with some wack excuse! Let me just point out the original email was sent to my mgr as well, so he could have spoke up for me (yeah right). But he didn't recognize I sent the email because *wait for it* he doesn't read...which leads me to...
I "CC:" you looking, witcho lookin' auss
There are times when I receive emails in which I've been CC'ed. The email may not be necessarily for me, but ya know, it's for me to have as reference. Well, yesterday big boss sends an email to my mgr, but copies me. I read it, understood it, on to the next email (Hov!). Today, my mgr forwards me the same email. READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!!! If you had read over the entire email, you would have seen that I received this email already.
I say again, READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!!!
So my co-workers and I, being the smart ausses we are cuz we're fed up with b.s., have signs that say "LUNCH" that hang on our cubicles when we're eating lunch at our desk. So, I'm sitting here chillin, reading the news, flossing after eating some chips that were death to my taste buds. Here comes Ditzy Magee walking pass my desk. She sees the sign and the convo goes as follows: DM: What does this say? (Sidenote: The sign is in English)
Me: *turns around with floss pick hanging from mouth* It says "LUNCH"
DM: Oh as in you're on lunch, well I'll just come back when you're done
Me: *Thinking: NO bring yo auss now, so I won't have to see you later* No, it's ok, what is your question?
She then proceeds to say as I'm helping her "I don't want to interrupt."
Well, my lunch is officially over, and I just took my sign down. I supposedly sit on the Internet and talk on the phone ALL DAY...so let me get back to what I do. If I'm gonna be a slacker...might as well be great at it!
Feel free to share any chronicles you may have...or techniques on how I can
Besides from laughing at these fools!
K to the...
Monday, January 4, 2010
It's 2010...start of a new decade, ya dig.
Sooo...now that my PTO has carried over into this year...
TIME TO REQUEST SOME DAYS OFF!!!
That's right, the Award Tour is back in full effect. Nawlins, ATL, Delaware, DC & NC are on the radar for this year...in addition to road trips in the Midwest.
Where do you plan on going this year? Bring me a magnet and a shot glass!
K to the...
P.S. If you're older than 22 years ago, talmbout "I'm gettin' it in, in 2010" with "swagger"...please, SAT yo auss down!