"Tell Diamond to get her funky ass on stage..."

This year, I popped my "strip club cherry" while I was Jacksonville, FL for America's birthday weekend. I came in with $50 in singles, and proudly left out with none of those singles.

Men, I get it.

I get it.

These women in Jacksonville were so hospitable, hugging and thanking us after they got off the stage. Seriously, I was impressed. Not only were they flexible, and smelled heavenly, but the tricks on the pole were what got me.

Yes, please...take all my singles.

All at once.

There was one who just blew my mind. Her name was Brittany (I don't know if this is the correct spelling; wasn't like there was a scrolling marquee. Or maybe it was, but I was just so amazed by what was going on...). Now, Brittany was called to the stage multiple times. When she finally got on stage and got on that pole, she worked that pole with so much attitude. Like "Let me give these people what they want so I can get back to my game of '2048' on my phone."

Now, when Brittany came on stage, I was out of singles (LOL) but my girls would pass me a few to give to the ladies since I was standing up.

At one point, Brittany gets off the pole; showing her flexibility, patting her pum pum...working for those dollars. She lays down, places both ankles behind her head, calmly folds a dollar bill length-wise and places it over her vagina opening.

"What is she about to do?"

*dollar bill floats up into the air*

"HOLY SHIT!!! That's it! We can leave!!!"

Thank you Jacksonville. Thank you Mascaras. And most importantly, thank you Brittany!

K to the...