Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Cubicle Chronicles: Oh, really!?!

Yesterday, while diligently working, my boss comes over to have a chat with my coworkers and I.

Idiot: How would you all feel about being outside in 52-degree weather?"
*Silence amongst myself and coworkers*
Me: What is going on?
Dumbass: Have y'all heard of the "Pegway tour" downtown?
Me: You mean the Segway tour? Yeah, I've heard of it.
Douche: Yeah, I want to do a tour next week. *shows printouts from Internet* And the warmest day next week will be 52 degrees.
Me: I mean, I can bundle up. You do know that with us being on the Segways, there will be a breeze. We'll be downtown, off the lake. It might be a bit chilly.
Estupido: Yeah. Well, an alternative could be a restaurant downtown.
Me: What is the special occasion?
Dummy: I'm tired of working. Just need a break...a day off.


I thought you liked sending emails on Saturday and Sunday nights. 

I thought you liked NOT closing the office the day after Thanksgiving and being the only one in the office.

I thought you liked coming in at 7a and not leaving until 8p.

You need a break!?

Feel free to take that Segway tour in 52-degree weather, with a wind chill of 40, by yourself. We'll gladly enjoy a break from YOU!

K to the...

Thursday, October 24, 2013

"Quit acting like a female!"

“Stop wearing your panties when coming to play ball.”
“Men shouldn't be jealous, that’s a female trait”
“These females…”

The first quote is something I heard from the most whining dude I've ever played ball with. He said this to another dude. I wear panties when I hoop, and I don't whine.

Anywho, I'm fed up, joe*, and I need to get some ish off my chest.

1. Use of the word female

The use of the word “female” is something I've taken note of within the past 4-5 years. Unscientifically speaking, 90% of the time I've seen the word “female” used in a negative tone. In some instances, “female” is replacing “bitch” to show some respect.


“If I can’t call you women ‘females’, what should I call you?”

I read the above statement and wanted to kick a stuffed poodle. And it’s not just on social networking where this disrespect occurs, it happens in regular conversation I've had with men.

“Oh, you’re one of those ‘females’ that…”
“And you females wonder why…”

I have shut down mid-conversation when someone has used that word with me. You can't have a conversation with me without being negative towards the sex of which I'm a part...I don't have nothing to say to you.

2. “Female traits”

There seems to be two of the many traits human beings have that only women possess: jealousy and being emotional. Today, I'm going to focus on "being emotional."  Let me start with the fact that a human being, for the most part**, is either a man or a woman.

Got it?

I've been involved in plenty of discussions with men in regards to their emotions and I've concluded that men are just as emotional as women. The only difference, generally speaking, is the way those emotions are expressed.

Don’t tell me men aren't emotional when:
  • I see men, every week, having a fit on the court because the ball wasn't passed to them.
  • I see someone throw a chair because his team lost a game.
  • I see two friends beef, publicly, when it could have easily been handled privately.
  • I read prose or poetry written by men expressing their feelings of loss or heartache.
  • I listen to a man privately break down after the end of a relationship, though, publicly, he seemed OK.
There are other examples, but you get my point.

Oh, these instances are exceptions to “the rule”?

"[I] don't believe you. You need more people."

K to the...

*Chi-town ish.
**I know there are some who identify as both. Hence the word “for the most part.”

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Validation Pt. 2: Don't Get It Twisted

As stated before, my marital and parental statuses do not define me. But it doesn’t mean I wouldn't want those statuses to change, one day.

Back in January, I had to go the emergency room due to severe abdominal pain. After several tests, and extra strong pain meds were given, the doctor said it looked like there was a cyst was on my ovaries.


I immejitly followed up with my primary care physician, who referred me to an OB/GYN. I’m chatting with the OB/GYN, letting him know what I was told. Then, I say:

“I just want to make sure I am still able to have kids.”

I’ve always been pretty nonchalant when it comes to motherhood. But, this situation made me realize that I really wouldn't mind having a Mini Me, constantly reminding him/her that he/she "will grow into" his/her big forehead.

Then I'll show him/her pics of me as a youngster to prove it. X_X

K to the…