Monday, August 31, 2009

Hot fun in the summertime (NOT!)

[I usually confess my love/disdain, for summer via a fb status. But...I didn't want to change my status. lol Blogs ARE good for sum'n]

Dear Summer,

I just might be coming down with a cold. I would LOVE to call it a summer cold...


Why for what? Cuz you didn't show up for work like you were supposed! You're like the Milli Vanilli of seasons! Chicago hasn't seen any paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarts* of a 100 degree heat index!

*stacks fists*

On my momma, yo auss is grass!

K to the...

*Kill yo self if you don't know where this comes from

Friday, August 28, 2009

Fookery for your Friday!

I have been on this earth for 300+ months and I swear of all my homies from way back when...I'm the only one who isn't booed up! Makes me no never time will come. However, the following textvo below is one of the reasons why I feel my time has NOT come just yet. I pray to 8lb, 6oz Baby Jesus my future son isn't as dumb as this negro!

Background: I met this nimcumpoop while hooping at the gym a couple weeks ago. Well, he caught a bish fit (after a week of knowing each other) because I asked him a question in order to gain clarity on a question he asked me. Well...he hung up on me! I told him to lose my number, which he claimed he already deleted from his phone. AWESOME! The following textvo let's me know it was all a LIE!

*side note* This has been copied and pasted verbatim from my editing. This is raw (no sushi) footage here, ladies and gents!!!
*side note #2* You will know who's said what. And yess...that is how his name is saved in my phone

Asshole-DNA* (4:20 PM):Hey u
Me (4:30 PM):hi
Asshole-DNA (4:31 PM):How r u I just thought about u so I thought I would check on u
Me (4:32 PM):I'm cool
Asshole-DNA (4:37 PM):That's good to know im sorry we got off to a bad start but I really wanted to get to know u
Me (4:38 PM):You blew your chance...
Asshole-DNA (4:40 PM):Wow that's harsh idk y I didn't even do aything
Me (4:52 PM):You hung up in my face. I guess thats nothing to you...
Asshole-DNA (4:53 PM):N im sorry and didn't mean too it was chlidish
Me (4:55 PM):Ok. ANd like I said earlier, you blew your chance...
Asshole-DNA (4:57 PM):Ok well that sucks there aint nothing I can do ??? U can have them shorts u like or we can shoot to give me a fresh start
Me (4:59 PM):nope
Asshole-DNA (5:00 PM):Well u still old me dinner that I do know n u must got another guy or something but its good
Me (5:01 PM):That bet is null and void...and I'm still single...thank you.
Asshole-DNA (5:02 PM):Wow u just void my award for winning that sucks
Me (5:07 PM):What makes you think I'd still wanna go to dinner with you...gotdamnyou're funny.
Asshole-DNA (5:08 PM):Oh ok wow ill just leave u alone ur mean I was just tryna b cool
Me (5:13 PM):ok

Yess, this ninja bribed me with some effing basketball shorts...then still expected me to go to dinner with him! And he's 23...he was doomed from the start. But nothing wrong with being friends, right? I was gonna see him on the reg at the gym, anyway!

My auss has been totally off since yesterday @ 4:57p...I don't think I can laugh it off anymore!!!

Do I feel bad for posting this on a public blog and putting him on blast?

I'm gonna go with "Hell No" for $500 Alex!!!

Watch I see this bastard next week! *sigh*

Happy Friday Everyones...and everyones!

K to the...

*DNA = Do Not Answer...for those of you who don't have the pleasure of having stalkers in your life.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

You on the other side of the glass, of my memory's museum...

Good morning pimps and pimpettes. Going along with the title of this here ya dig I've started, today I bring you a (hopefully) weekly edition of Random Rants.


a.) What was handed to Chris Brown was a bit much...compared to what other futhamuckas have received after beating their women REPEATEDLY, including endangering the life of children. If it wasn't Rihanna, I don't think his punishment would have been as much. I'm not condoning D.V. in anyway, but I'm just saying...

2.) My grandmother tells me THEE funniest stories about me as a child. Today's story: At the tender age of 3, while visiting a family friend, I had on sandals and my feet got dirty. I went to tell my mom and she said "Get over it!". Luckily, Mei-Mei* had my back...and we went to wipe off my feet. If it wasn't for that save, I would be walking around thinking it's ok for my feet to look like this:

c.) I got my first tat back in May! The whole time I was getting tatted, I had THEE ugliest frown on my face saying "I'm not doing this again," but secretly plotting on where the next tat was going to be. I've decided...hand prints on the butt cheeks!!!**

iv.) I love Beyonce, but she bogus for the "I Am..." concert being the same as the "Beyonce Experience." Either way, I'm still buying the "I Am..." DVD when it comes out. Call me ka-razy if you want...cuz I don't know karate.

5.) The following phrases/words irk me!
  • "I got so much swagger, I swear swagger tryna sue me" [side-eye to Weezy]
  • "Get it in..." [What is "it"?]
  • "I'm going ham..." [Still don't understand the metaphoric use of "ham"]
  • "She's such a ham.." [So she likes to sit on the table, honey glazed, with pineapples on top]
  • Hubby [What is he, a lost Teletubby?]
  • Wifey [Darn you, RL!]
  • Pineapple [OK, not really]
f.) I think folk should give props to people who aren't married with kids, instead of side-eyeing asking what's wrong with me because I'm alone. Alone doesn't equate to lonely, numbnuts!!! You think it's easy filtering through the shullbit that comes my way as a single woman everyday in the 21st century? Why can't I have an "Not having a wedding" shower or a "not having a baby" shower? HEH!?!? Where's the gift registry for the single folk, Wal-Mart!?!

VII.) I don't care for all the hype about Amber Rose (And please, don't try to elaborate), but seeing her stomach motivated me to get back on my abdominals, son! lol

8.) Saturday marks the 4 year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. I was in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and STILL saw some of the effects of the storm. I didn't make it to the 9th ward, but I wonder what it looks like now...

I.) My girls and I came up with this theory after we graduated from college and it hasn't been proven wrong yet: If a man is at least three years older than you, he's mentally as mature as you are. Waiting for someone to prove this theory wrong...just once!

X.) I know I'm not the only person who feels responsibility is nonexistent when returning to the university from which they've graduated. I make my return to my Alma mater this weekend and I must say..."Keke" will make an appearance.

That is all, for now. Feel free to share any random rants you may have! Post it in the comments section of the blog (facebook lurkers) and make me look important feel special. lol j/k

Naw, I'm fa serious. lol j/k

Ok, I'm not j/k


*Mei-Mei is my divalicious grandmother. And she doesn't give a hoot what you think of her because: "I'm 71-year-old...I'm just happy to still be here!" Some of my spunk comes from her....
**Kill yourself if you thought I was fa serious!

K to the...

Monday, August 24, 2009

I've said 25,896 times before, and I'll say it again...

This blog was inspired by what was in my work mailbox this sunny Monday morning! Today I ask:

Why don't people READ?

The phrase "reading is fundamental" has been embedded in my brain since I was a baby genius reading at the age of 2 grammar school. When one reads, it eliminates the side-eye he or she will receive because they asked a dumb question that wouldn't have been asked if you would just read!

And you wouldn't wanna receive a side-eye like this, would ya?

So I work for a nonprofit organization*. Since we receive money from the guv''s a must that we get audited. So the auditors are auditing one of the federal grants I'm in charge of. Yeah, that's right, "in charge of"...I'm kinda the shiznit around these parts, son!!!

Ok...maybe just the 'nit.

Anywho, the auditors need to see copies of paystubs the employees receive to confirm that the employees were paid. I talked to a lady in HR about the auditors request...AND sent an email with a list attached. A week and a half later and what do I find in my mailbox this morning?


Can someone explain this equation: Paystubs = Timecards

So now I have to go to the auditors and tell them ONCE AGAIN...I still don't have what they're looking for. This is some shullbit (Word to 'Kast)!

Thank you...and goodnight!

K to the...

*Nonprofit organization is an organization which is service-oriented, not operating for the sole purpose of making money i.e. hospitals, universities (Bradley U, my Alma mater, is an exception). Yess, I've had grown people ask me what a "nonprofit organization" is. I guess I should tell them what "context clues"** are too.

**context clues are...go dig a hole!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Who'd thunk it!

Well, ladies, gents, cats, dogs, and babies...I have entered!!! *Cue "Coming To America" dance sequence*

Some of you may already know me...some of you may not. Well, allow me to reintroduce name is not Hov.

But K to the...K. Dizzle...Kizzle...or just simply K.D.

I decided I would enter the blogosphere because...look, it's only so much you can say on a facebook status and twitter (I'm not on twitter, and don't plan on it anytime soon). And I'm fa serious. I used to write a gang of notes on facebook...just random ish, but I took a sabbatical and came back and all my ish was gone! Mark Zuckerberg is still on my hit list. Anywho, I figure I would have more freedom in the blogosphere, so here I is!!!

So, why do I have ""? Well, my mind is always wondering...especially in the car; and "andiwonder" was already taken. So, eye doesn't wonder. My eyes are perfectly all of their near-sightedness. Thanks.

So what shall you expect? Well, let's see...RANDOMOCITY! Let me tell you where this randomocity stems from. As a child growing up on the South Side of Shick-A-Go, was just my mother, grandmother, and myself. Then someone slipped my mom a mickey moms got pregnant and The Troll* arrived. So for a good 13 years, I was on my the imagination is extremely vivid, son! My friends couldn't be at my house 24/ thank God for Nintendo...because having a gang of board games requiring 3 or more players was just heart-wrenching. Imagine trying to play Wheel of Fortune by yourself...

You can't!!!

Anywho, I may speak on some of everything here...from relationships to Greek life to why boogers are different shades of brown. Anything is possible....and impossible is nothing (no Adidas).

With that said, I pose this question to you:
Does the inside of our nose have a smell? And if so, how do we know if we're smelling the inside of our nose...or what's outside of the nose, in the air?
Nobody has been able to answer this question for me. Maybe my luck has change in 2009!

That's all folks. Please feel free to stalk follow my blog. Thank you...and you're welcome!

K to the...

*The Troll = My 14 year old sister.