Thursday, July 14, 2016

How 'Bout We Don't

To say that I have been enjoying the beautiful weather we’ve had since Memorial Day would be an understatement. I’m hashtag outcheah, having as much fun as possible. Because I’m hashtag outcheah more than usual, I’ve seen a lot of familiar faces. At a concert in May, and a party this past Saturday, I saw familiar faces I hadn’t seen in years.


Female friends of an ex. And both instances occurred at the restroom.

The first time, I was washing my hands, and someone next to me goes “You’re [redacted’s] ex-girlfriend.” My homie was with me and she was ready to stroll up like Bey and her whoadies as I slowly turned my head to see who was speaking to me.

The second time, I was waiting in line at the restroom, “seal broken,” and someone goes “I know you from somewhere. Don’t do me like this. I’m drunk. But I know you.” I’m slightly tickled, slowly turned her towards me so I could see her face (She was outta there!) and was like “What is your name?” She says it, and I go “You’re [redacted’s] best friend.” I give the church hug and continue to wait. There is banter with a drunk guy going into the men’s room THAT NEVER HAS A LINE, then she goes “So, how’s life?"
See, this what we don't have to do. First of all, it's unnecessary. And B of all, she doesn't really care. I know she was rooting for her friend to get with someone else before her friend and I were over. I kept it short with “Life is good,” and continued to wait for the next available toilet.
This is the only ex I have whose female friends have come at me awkward. I don't get it. I don’t recall ever going up to exes of my male friends and saying anything to them! Not even when the liquor's in the system. It’s tacky, and unnecessary. The most I’ve probably done is tell a friend that I saw their ex. Other than that, I keep it moving.
I really have to stay away from public restrooms.
K to the...

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Bifcake Chronicles: Tinderoni

After obtaining proof from my ship that it’s not just a hook-up site, I joined Tinder last month. My profile has about 5 pics, and a very simple description:

“If you don’t acknowledge Pluto as a planet or looking for a FWB, keep it movin.”


What’s cool about about Tinder is I am looking at profiles of men of all ethnicities who are within the age range of interest, and the radius I’ve chosen. I have come across some interesting profiles:

  • Man looking for a sugar babyWe actually “matched” but I didn’t want to give up my cookies too. I have standards. *giggles*
  • Married couples looking for a woman to spice things upNah
  • Married men who are looking to just hook upAt least they’re honest
  • Men in their 30s & 40s with no kids, never been married, and currently singleI call these men “Unicorns.” 
  • Guys I know from high school or from hoopingI wanna match with them just so I can send a message saying “What the hell are you doing on here?” I just keep swiping.

There have been two Unicorns that I have been texting on the regular. One I went on a brunch date with this past weekend. He is much cuter in his pics. However, he had me cracking up at brunch. My face was hurting by the time we were leaving. We shall see how that goes.

The other unicorn seemed cool, based on text messages and his profile…until a phone conversation we had yesterday. I have a thing about outsiders coming in my city, residing here, then dissing it as if the entire city of Chicago, including all its citizens, ain’t shit. And that is basically what he was doing during the convo. He apologized after I told him he talks as if Chicago is beneath him. We're supposed to meet up on Friday after work for drinks. Ugh. That miiiiight be postponed.

AND...his "jokes" were lame. As someone who loves a good corny joke, for me to consider your jokes lame means you’re just…shut up!

Dating can be exhausting, yet fun at the same time. I joined Tinder to meet guys outside of my social circle. Kudos to me for keeping it going.

K to the...