Thursday, August 26, 2010

"Oh, that golden rule."

Today’s blogpost is on my number 1 rule in life.

What is this rule you ask? Well, it’s quite simple.


Following this simple rule will have you going places in life, son!

A) You don’t have to lie
If I don’t have to share info, then I won’t. When you share info, folk get curious and wanna ask questions. And if you don’t want folk to know certain details, you do one of two things: a) You lie, or; ii) you just shut the hell up.

“I'll go with ‘Shut The Hell Up,' for $500 Alex!”

2) You keep your friends
I had to end a “best friend”-ship because someone went and told my business and it got back to me. If I wanted other folk to know my business, I would have *wait for it* told them myself! Trust is an important factor with dealing with ships (friend and relation). You break it, you buy…the ship is severely compromised.

Also, who wants to be friends with someone who cant hold water if they were a camel with six humps? "Not I," said the poodle cat.

iii) You have inside jokes
Inside jokes can be so rude, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t funny to the insiders. I have an inside joke right now and when I type it, only one other person will get it. (I need to make sure she reads this post)

“Cervical jewelry”

You think you know what this is about, but you really don’t. Will the inside joke ever been outside? No! Why?

Because we shut the hell up!

d) You won't be ignored
I don't know about yall, but I hate being ignored. Whether it's being ignored by friends, or the mice who were in my apt acting as if I wasn't there as they snacked on the peanut butter that was in the mouse traps. *shrug* Sometimes, believe it or not, folk don't really care about certain ish that's going on in your life. If folk ask, then, obviously, they're curious and want to know. If not....then I'll just...ya know...

Shut the hell up!

So what have we learned, today, ladies and gentlemen?

I'm not telling you a damn thang! lol

"Now run and tell dat, homeboy!"

K to the...

P.S. The title of the post is the title of an Episode of The Wire from Season 4. Pop culture for the muthaluving win!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Hate & Basketball

What up yall! Welcome to the 2nd blogpost of the day. :-)

This is the 2nd installment in my chronicles on the court entitled "Hate & Basketball". I thought it would be ideal to share with my 5 readers my experiences at the gym.

Today, we're going to focus on the different types of guys I encounter at the gym.

1. The "Young Meat"

This is usually a young phallus-carrier between the ages of 16 and 23. He tries to holla, lowkey. It starts with a little flirting while on the court with me, then when I'm sitting down, he comes over and 99.999% of the time, the convo goes like this:

YM: What h.s. you go to?
Me: I graduated
YM: What college you go to?
Me: I graduated

2. The "Coach"

I put this in quotation marks because this person isn't a damn coach. He usually falls in the "Young Meat" category; but he feels that because he has a phallus, he has better knowledge of the game. Whereas, I have a vagina and don't know what I'm doing, besides run and make sure I dribble. He's usually the one saying:

"You've got to shoot more. Don't hesitate, just let it ride."
"I'm gonna set a screen for you and you're gonna shoot it"
"Let's run a play...Computer Blue"

Ok, maybe not the last line, but you get the point. How bout you shut up! I've been playing longer than you've been on Earth.

3. The "Underestimator"

Just this past Tuesday, my team was on a winning streak. During the 1st game, I was a bit sluggish since I hadn't hooped in over a month and was extra lax while on the court. So this "Young Meat" gets on the court and say "I'm gonna stick the girl. She's only gonna shoot...not much running around."


I ran dude all over the court...and jizzed on him, dropping 3s all in his face.

4. The "Whiner"

This is the dude who is constantly complaining. I mean, I'm 5'6"...135lbs. You damn right I'm moving out the way when 6'12"...185lbs is charging towards the hoop, knees up. Negro gon' tell me "step in front him". What, and have a mastectomy & hysterectomy? I like my mams and uterus, thank you very much.

Every trip to the court has me either cracking up or side-eyeing until my ocular muscles can't take it anymore. But I love it...and I love the game. *shrug*

K to the...