Hate & Basketball

What up yall! Welcome to the 2nd blogpost of the day. :-)

This is the 2nd installment in my chronicles on the court entitled "Hate & Basketball". I thought it would be ideal to share with my 5 readers my experiences at the gym.

Today, we're going to focus on the different types of guys I encounter at the gym.

1. The "Young Meat"

This is usually a young phallus-carrier between the ages of 16 and 23. He tries to holla, lowkey. It starts with a little flirting while on the court with me, then when I'm sitting down, he comes over and 99.999% of the time, the convo goes like this:

YM: What h.s. you go to?
Me: I graduated
YM: What college you go to?
Me: I graduated

2. The "Coach"

I put this in quotation marks because this person isn't a damn coach. He usually falls in the "Young Meat" category; but he feels that because he has a phallus, he has better knowledge of the game. Whereas, I have a vagina and don't know what I'm doing, besides run and make sure I dribble. He's usually the one saying:

"You've got to shoot more. Don't hesitate, just let it ride."
"I'm gonna set a screen for you and you're gonna shoot it"
"Let's run a play...Computer Blue"

Ok, maybe not the last line, but you get the point. How bout you shut up! I've been playing longer than you've been on Earth.

3. The "Underestimator"

Just this past Tuesday, my team was on a winning streak. During the 1st game, I was a bit sluggish since I hadn't hooped in over a month and was extra lax while on the court. So this "Young Meat" gets on the court and say "I'm gonna stick the girl. She's only gonna shoot...not much running around."

Ha!

I ran dude all over the court...and jizzed on him, dropping 3s all in his face.

4. The "Whiner"

This is the dude who is constantly complaining. I mean, I'm 5'6"...135lbs. You damn right I'm moving out the way when 6'12"...185lbs is charging towards the hoop, knees up. Negro gon' tell me "step in front him". What, and have a mastectomy & hysterectomy? I like my mams and uterus, thank you very much.

Every trip to the court has me either cracking up or side-eyeing until my ocular muscles can't take it anymore. But I love it...and I love the game. *shrug*

K to the...

That's That Bull Thursday

Good morning world,

The title of today's post is exactly how I felt when I woke up this morning.

Why?

Well let me tell you.

Yesterday, I had a pretty good day. Went to the doctor, picked up Mothers' Day gifts for mom and grandmother, filled up the tank and went grocery shopping. I had a very productive day outside of work.

So, if you follow me on Twitter, then you know I'm taking a tap dance class and we meet on Tuesdays. Well, this week, we did this exercise off of Jamiroquai's "Corner of the Earth" and I had been playing the song all day! When I got home, I figured I'd get a lil practice in before settling down for the night.

So, I get in the crib with all my groceries, throw on my tap shoes and I figure I'd go in for a good 4 minutes. So I'm in the kitchen, tapping....

And I see a dark blur run past my foot.

That's right.

A damn mouse!

I pause in my tracks like "That's a damn mouse!"

So, I call my mom...hysterical! I mean, I'm crying telling her it's a mouse in my apartment. Anybody who’s ever been to my crib knows I don’t leave food sitting out. The only things that’ll be out are shoes and clothes when I’m too lazy to hang them up.

I call building maintenance and let them know it's a mouse in my apartment. They say they will come by with glue traps tomorrow. Tomorrow? Uh ruh...the mouse is here TONIGHT!

After I get off the phone…do you know this little focker ran out about 2-3 more times. I screamed everytime I saw him. I mean, you just gon come out...with the lights on like you own the place? I need to ask this little focker for rent.

Below are a few of my tweets last night. Thank God for sense of humor. My twitfam’s and bff’s responses to this unfortunate situation only made it even funnier!

-I've been living here for two years! My apt is clean...so I'm just blown.
-Dammit I just seen it again!!! I screamed and it ran in my closet. I wanna cry...wait...I did when I was on the phone with my mom!!! lol
-ITS IN MY LINEN CLOSET. JESUS BE A MOUSETRAP. I CANT STAY HERE TONIGHT!!!
-HE JUST RAN IN ONE OF MY GROCERY BAGS. I just bought that damn cantalope...2 for $4. This lil nigga gots ta go!!!
-This lil nigga is playing me for a fool...disrespectful! My mom is on her way...bldg maint talmbout tomorrow. hell naw!
-I'm standing here in my tap shoes by the front door like a lil bish. I dont do roaches and rodents!
-I'm tryna be calm...but when I calm down, thats when Ben wanna show up again. I'm scared to put away my groceries!
-I'm all for glue traps..but who's gonna throw that bitch out when it gets stuck?!? ME?!?
-I was having such a good day...WTF!!!

So my mom came with some mouse traps last night. We put them out and I slept at her crib…in lil sis’s bed…on the Spongebob Squarepants sheets.

“Absorbant and yellow and porous is he!”

I just called building maintenance to make sure they close up all the holes in the apartment. I told him I didn’t sleep at the crib and the guy asks why?

WHY?

O__o

Hopefully the bastard is gone when I get home. If not, who has an extra bedroom at their crib?

Or who wants to cuddle with me? I swear I won’t fart on you.

K to the…

Thoughtless Tuesday 11.10.9

What up folk (No G.D.)!

This post is absolutely thoughtless...so...um...yeah...read on!

Today's date is indeed 11/10/09...11.10.9.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of WTF...Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

Thursday is my sorority's founders' day. If you randomly spot someone on Thursday at ya work place rocking royal blue and antique gold...let her have her 1922 seconds of glory, ok?

Sammy Sosa is turning white. Ok, ok, ok...I know it's a possible skin condition. Calm down...calm down.

Katt Williams got arrested, with a mugshot looking like he was saying "I am so happy to be here." (Yess, Akeem)

A CTA bus crashed into someone's home this morning. Glad nobody was seriously hurt, but the driver took curbside service to a whole 'nother level.

The Critters of the Midway known as the Bears just can't get right.

I have yet to watch a Bulls' game this season! *hangs head in shame*

I honestly don't see what's funny when I tell folk I'm taking a dance class.

And I learned, today due to minimal tolerance I have today, that there is a such thing as a dumb question...no, a dumb@$$ question!

That is all for today. My mind is clouded with mucus and paradiddles*. lol

K to the...

*Look it up!

Thoughtless Tuesday 11.3.09

These thoughtless thoughts on this Tuesday are brought to you by Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate. America runs on it because there’s crack in it!

Ya know what…I pulled that Left Eye costume off better than I thought I would. Ion’t care what anyone says. I wish I had the bright color pants…but the aura was there!

Ya know what…there’s a reason you’re a former (ex b/f, ex boo, ex dipetc) so there’s no need for you to keep tabs on my love life. Yo initials ain't "LP", so get some business.

Ya know what…anyone with whom you can have the most random convos…from different types of turds to the “tackle and berries” ratio is definitely a BFF, like “LP”. Lol

Ya know what…you ain’t right for sending pics of your phallus to my email…and then a month later you’re engaged. Isn’t that being kinda rude to your g/f-turned-fiancée?

Ya know what…if you’re on the verge of getting your AARP card and you tryna start s#!t over the internet…go sit yo auss down, file for your SSI before you break your damn hip. Leave that for the under 21 crowd. Twitter, nor facebook, makes you hard cuz you, unlike a real man, won’t say ish when I’m in your face!

Ya know what…you ain’t right, C. Breezy for that album cover. It’s “wiggity wack”, which leads to..

Ya know what…where the hell is Kris Kross?

Ya know what…730a is too early for you to be on the phone, talking loud on the CTA about “You tryna go smoke…you only got $3?”

Ya know what…the nonverbal ALWAYS speak louder than the verbals. Just ask the little negroid who I shut up…twice…on the court yesterday without saying a word.

Ya know what…there comes a point when your sorors aren’t just sorors anymore. You actually consider them to be your friends…and I’ve experienced that with quite a few of my sorors.

Ya know what…I really wish my coworker would stop laughing when he’s telling a story. It’s never funny… and causes me to look at him like this…expressionless!

How grant reports are funny, Ion’t know. Maybe he reads em in a comedian voice. *Kanye shrug*

Ya know what…I have the biggest crush on my dance instructor, I can barely give him eye contact in class. I love a dark-skinned man with fresh locs. My instructor is light-skinned with a bald head. *swoons*

Ya know what…it annoys me when I can’t listen to music on the bus without adjusting my earplugs every 3 minutes. The hole leading to my ear canal is too small. *pause* lol Get ya mind out the gutter…

Ya know what…being complimented by a man with no ulterior motive is the best thing in the world. I was called gorgeous this morning as I grabbed the crack known as Dunkin Donuts' hot chocolate.

Ya know what…I might feel, at times, like strangling one of my exes, but being forced to watch football when we were together and listen to him sound like the adults on Charlie Brown when talking about fantasy football made me appreciate the sport even more. And seeing those toight booties in the toight pants being toight like a tiger isn’t bad either. *drools*

Ya know what…if I don’t get back to Nawlins ASAP, it’s gonna be trouble!

Ya know what…I have my own clippers and I line my neck every two weeks because the clippers my beautician uses makes my neck look like she was playing tic tac toe on my neck.

Ya know what…Twitter really is the devil. But it keeps me entertained!

Ya know what…I think my job needs to get a fb page, so then fb won’t be blocked at the job. I mean, they’re on Twitter! *side eye*

Ya know what…my birthday is a month away, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

Ya know what…next time a homeless person asks me for $.75, I’m gonna give a $1. And if they ask the next person for $.75, I’m taking my damn dollar back. Just call me an “Indian giver.”

Ya know what…looks definitely AREN’T everything! I almost reverted back to a former, but thought about the b-a-ness displayed, and decided to just leave that alone. Lol

Ya know what…it seems to be perfectly normal to spend $8 on lunch in downtown Shick-A-Go. I can’t go…not EVERYday! Gonna have to pick a Hot Pocket, son!

Ya know what…lady, we’re in the same room, so lower ya d@mn voice. Running up my light bill.

Ya know what…the meeting was scheduled to be over at 12:30p. You still asking questions at 12:43p. Shat up!

Ya know what...I think I somewhat cussed at my mom on Sunday. She explained a situation to me and I was like “So you almost sharted on yourself?” Now, we all know what a shart is…so, yeah…I think I kinda sorta maybe but not really cussed at my mom. lol

Ya know what...I'm done!

K to the...