Ok, We Get It: Part deux

It's that time, ladies and gents...dogs, cats, and babies!  If you read Part 1, then you already know how it goes.  So here we go!

Ok, we get it…you don’t like Lil Wayne.

Ok, we get it…you think Carter IV is garbage.

Ok, we get it…you think Drake has a vagina.

Ok, we get it…Jesus is more important to you than finding out Beyonce is pregnant.

Ok, we get it…you don’t give a solitary f*** about ANYTHING in life because you have way more important things to worry about.

Ok, we get it…head would be nice in the morning.

Ok, we get it…Jay-Z and Kanye flaunts their riches while the country is going broke.

Ok, we get it…”Watch The Throne” was overhyped.

Ok, we get it…football is back.

Ok, we get it…you hate football.

Ok, we get it…while I sleep, you grind.

Ok, we get it…you’re [insert all positives attributes here] but can’t figure out why you’re still single.

Ok, we get it…your astrology sign is the only one that loves, has friends, or is the best at sex.

*These next few were addressed in Part 1. Obviously, people are STILL talking about it.*

Ok, we get it…Black women are [insert negative adjective here]

Ok, we get it…you’re natural.

Anything else I miss?

K to the…

"Drunk nights get remembered more than sober ones..."

Yesterday, before leaving my mom’s, I noticed my sideview mirrors were FILTHY! So I wiped the driver side mirror down, and I attempted to let down the passenger side window down…

but it wouldn’t go down…

then I noticed…

the window lock was on…

Why?

Oh yeah! I had to lock the windows the other night to keep someone, who was drunk, from letting the windows down so they could continue to talk sheeit as we left the party.

hehehehe What a night…

K to the...

30 Day Challenge: #22 Someone you want to give a second chance to

Dear Deez Nuts,

Whatever

Love,

K to the...

Ok, We Get It: STHU Edition

Lately, there have been recurring topics coming up in my lifespace and I'm at the point where I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm at the point where I'd rather watch a football game in silence because the commentators go on and on...and on about the same thing. I usually shout at the TV "Ok, we get it!"

So today's post is dedicated to those recurring topics.

Ok, we get it...you're natural. I am too...and so were the Cabbage Patch Dolls.

Ok, we get it...you didn't like Tyler Perry's "For Colored Girls". I don't expect you to buy the DVD when it comes out. Matter of fact...

Ok, we get it...you don't like Tyler Perry.

Ok, we get it...there are Black men on the DL who get HIV/AIDS and give them to their spouses. If I have to see this in another movie/TV show...

Ok, we get it...you love/hate Kobe and Lebron James.

Ok, we get it...you want twitter to fix your follower/following/tweet count because the wrong numbers is detrimental to your twitter health. Guess what...#NobodyCaresB

Ok, we get it...racism is still alive.

Ok, we get it...you're tired of these fools out here putting 22s on their cars, living the good life...but still living with their...single black mothers (see last point)

Ok, we get it...you don't like Nicki Minaj or Lil Wayne.

Ok, we get it...you're tired of the "Free [Jailed Rapper]" movement.

Ok, we get it...a lot of the rap music today is wack.

Ok, we get it...you're not gay.

Ok, we get it...you are gay.

Ok, we get it...your sorority/frat is the best and you can't see yourself wearing any other colors. No sheeit...otherwise, you'd be in those other colors. (And this is from someone in a sorority).

Ok, we get it...you have haters. I don't recall reading in Matthew, Mark, Luke OR John about Jesus constantly talking about His haters.

Ok, we get it...Black women are so difficult because we have children out of wedlock, get on welfare, buy our kids Jordans, have high standards, have too many degrees, get relaxers, rock lacefronts, we're too independent, don't cook, rock Skittles-colored hair, consider dating outside of our race, don't give fellatio between 1p - 2p, our number of sex partners is too high for your comfort, we don't like for our hair to get wet, we take birth control, blah blah and more effing blah.

Ok, we get it...you're a [astrological sign] till the day you die. However, you really don't have a choice, do you?

OK, WE GET IT!!!

Anything else I miss? Feel free to share.

30 Day Challenge: #3 Letter to my parents

As you two know, "Jukebox" is one of my many nicknames. Both of you are some music heads; out jukin' while I was in mom's belly chowing down on Leon's BBQ and vanilla ice cream. So it was inevitable that I come out the womb having rhythm and constantly listening to music.

When I was little, I'd watch you two getcha step on. Pops, you were in numerous stepping contests and steady hitting up your Friday night steppers' set. Moms, I'd watch you in the living room jamming to V-103 and at the different house parties we'd go to. Stepping was so easy to you two.

But you know what...I'm a tad bit irritated. Why? Because, after all that watching, I still don't know how to turn properly when I'm stepping!!! You can't call yourself stepping without being able to do a snazzy turn! I have the basic movements...even jazz it up a lil. But when it comes to the turn, I instantly get two left feet. What's up with that, Mom? Dad? Where's my "turn-while-stepping" gene? I can do almost every dance that has come out in the past 10 years...even took a tap dance class last year...yet can't turn?

This needs to change ASAP. Who's gonna show me? You two talk it out, then let me know.

Your oldest,

K to the...

30 Day Challenge: #1 Letter to my best friend

Dear HugMaNeck,

During the twenty plus years of friendship, we have watched each other grow from 1st graders to grown auss women. We have watched each other's younger sibling grow into beautiful young women. Now, it's almost that time to watch some of our own seeds grow to beautiful young women or handsome young men. With that said, I expect my god child to be conceived by 2012. Put the shut to the up...the sperm to the egg...and make it happen.

Love, Hug My Neck

P.S. Don't worry about when you'll get your godchild. This is about me and MY needs wants. lol

That's That Bull Thursday

Good morning world,

The title of today's post is exactly how I felt when I woke up this morning.

Why?

Well let me tell you.

Yesterday, I had a pretty good day. Went to the doctor, picked up Mothers' Day gifts for mom and grandmother, filled up the tank and went grocery shopping. I had a very productive day outside of work.

So, if you follow me on Twitter, then you know I'm taking a tap dance class and we meet on Tuesdays. Well, this week, we did this exercise off of Jamiroquai's "Corner of the Earth" and I had been playing the song all day! When I got home, I figured I'd get a lil practice in before settling down for the night.

So, I get in the crib with all my groceries, throw on my tap shoes and I figure I'd go in for a good 4 minutes. So I'm in the kitchen, tapping....

And I see a dark blur run past my foot.

That's right.

A damn mouse!

I pause in my tracks like "That's a damn mouse!"

So, I call my mom...hysterical! I mean, I'm crying telling her it's a mouse in my apartment. Anybody who’s ever been to my crib knows I don’t leave food sitting out. The only things that’ll be out are shoes and clothes when I’m too lazy to hang them up.

I call building maintenance and let them know it's a mouse in my apartment. They say they will come by with glue traps tomorrow. Tomorrow? Uh ruh...the mouse is here TONIGHT!

After I get off the phone…do you know this little focker ran out about 2-3 more times. I screamed everytime I saw him. I mean, you just gon come out...with the lights on like you own the place? I need to ask this little focker for rent.

Below are a few of my tweets last night. Thank God for sense of humor. My twitfam’s and bff’s responses to this unfortunate situation only made it even funnier!

-I've been living here for two years! My apt is clean...so I'm just blown.
-Dammit I just seen it again!!! I screamed and it ran in my closet. I wanna cry...wait...I did when I was on the phone with my mom!!! lol
-ITS IN MY LINEN CLOSET. JESUS BE A MOUSETRAP. I CANT STAY HERE TONIGHT!!!
-HE JUST RAN IN ONE OF MY GROCERY BAGS. I just bought that damn cantalope...2 for $4. This lil nigga gots ta go!!!
-This lil nigga is playing me for a fool...disrespectful! My mom is on her way...bldg maint talmbout tomorrow. hell naw!
-I'm standing here in my tap shoes by the front door like a lil bish. I dont do roaches and rodents!
-I'm tryna be calm...but when I calm down, thats when Ben wanna show up again. I'm scared to put away my groceries!
-I'm all for glue traps..but who's gonna throw that bitch out when it gets stuck?!? ME?!?
-I was having such a good day...WTF!!!

So my mom came with some mouse traps last night. We put them out and I slept at her crib…in lil sis’s bed…on the Spongebob Squarepants sheets.

“Absorbant and yellow and porous is he!”

I just called building maintenance to make sure they close up all the holes in the apartment. I told him I didn’t sleep at the crib and the guy asks why?

WHY?

O__o

Hopefully the bastard is gone when I get home. If not, who has an extra bedroom at their crib?

Or who wants to cuddle with me? I swear I won’t fart on you.

K to the…

Who's Rude: Me, She, or Nature?

Hello, world!

This is a RUDE auss post, ladies and gents. I recently saw an old friend and forgot to tell my girl when I first saw him. Well, this morning, I told her and we had a grand ole rude auss time roasting. Below is our textvo!

P.S. We're not roasting simply to roast...the chick done did some grimey ish. Sooo...she deserves it

Rudeness #1: His boo is sooooooo funny looking.

Rudeness #2: Lol...ur so funny. Did he speak or did he try to play u?

Rudeness #1: He spoke, but gave the phony hug, then I realized that was her behind him.

Rudeness #2: That's funny...she is very funny looking though she looks worse with no weave...lol happy for them though

Rudeness #1: She had no weave on...MESS!

Rudeness #2: Lol yes a hot mess!!!!! And I'm sure a face full of ugly makeup!!!! I hate to see her without it

Rudeness #1: It was dim...and she was still funny looking. lol Didnt see how she looked in the light.

Rudeness #2: u may have ran cause it is so not cute. Nice to have ur guard dog on standby for u at all times...lol that was wrong I didn't mean that lol

Rudeness #1: LMAO! U are rude as hell. LMAO!

Rudeness #2: LMAO...I apologize cause that was mean. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that

Rudeness #1: I'm still laughing

Rudeness #2: I know she was growling when u hugged [him]...she a very good and protective bitch...lol ok no more

Rudeness #1: LMAO! I hatechu!

Rudeness #2: No u don't...lol

Rudeness #1: Lol Ok, i dont

Rudeness #2: Rudeness #3 calls her bridezilla and it has nothing to do with her attitude LMBO

Rudeness #1: Yall are so rude! lol

Rudeness #2: No her face and fat ass is rude and [he] is just cruel for bringing her out to terrorize the world lol...

Rudeness #1: LMAO

Rudeness #2: Ok but for real if he happy then so I am...that's what he loves...they will make beautiful babies...LMAO...ok i'm just reaching with that one

Rudeness #1: LMAO! Stop it...stop it right now! LMAO

Rudeness #2: U stop it...u started it LOL

Rudeness #1: Lol Nature started it...I just made an observation!

Rudeness #2: Sometimes Nature ain't even right!!!!! Just mean I say!!!!!!!!

Rudeness #1: LMAO! Stop it...stop it RAHT now

Rudeness #1: I'm making this convo blog post lol

Rudeness #2: Lol where u posting it?

Rudeness #1: To my blog...Imma do it this evening. lol

Rudeness #2: I didn't know u had a blog...lol...but that convo was hilarity (new word)

Rudeness #1: I use hilarity on the reg. And negro, i texted yall about the blog when I first started it. lol

Rudeness #2: I'm sorry but where do I work again????? Right I'm becoming the people I work for lol

Rudeness #1: Lol contagious Alzheimers...thats a new strand

Rudeness #2: Ummm yeah...the pentagon is researching now lol

Rudeness #1: lol

Big ups and fat shouts to this fool for keeping me laughing all morning.

K to the...

Cubicle Chronicles 1.7.10

Good [insert your current time of day] everyone!

This week has been a trying week here at the gig. So instead of me just being the usual K to the..., I now have to show these people why there are three letters behind my name in my email signature.

So for this installment in cubicle chronicles, the subject is communication?

Maintain a CYA file!
Having a Cover Your Auss file is muy importante in the the world of email today. Just yesterday, a lady told my mgr she didn't receive a file from me. I politely checked my sent folder...and FORWARDED the original email to her. Of course, she hits me with some wack excuse! Let me just point out the original email was sent to my mgr as well, so he could have spoke up for me (yeah right). But he didn't recognize I sent the email because *wait for it* he doesn't read...which leads me to...

I "CC:" you looking, witcho lookin' auss
There are times when I receive emails in which I've been CC'ed. The email may not be necessarily for me, but ya know, it's for me to have as reference. Well, yesterday big boss sends an email to my mgr, but copies me. I read it, understood it, on to the next email (Hov!). Today, my mgr forwards me the same email. READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!!! If you had read over the entire email, you would have seen that I received this email already.

I say again, READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!!!
So my co-workers and I, being the smart ausses we are cuz we're fed up with b.s., have signs that say "LUNCH" that hang on our cubicles when we're eating lunch at our desk. So, I'm sitting here chillin, reading the news, flossing after eating some chips that were death to my taste buds. Here comes Ditzy Magee walking pass my desk. She sees the sign and the convo goes as follows: DM: What does this say? (Sidenote: The sign is in English)
Me: *turns around with floss pick hanging from mouth* It says "LUNCH"
DM: Oh as in you're on lunch, well I'll just come back when you're done
Me: *Thinking: NO bring yo auss now, so I won't have to see you later* No, it's ok, what is your question?
She then proceeds to say as I'm helping her "I don't want to interrupt."

*sigh*

Well, my lunch is officially over, and I just took my sign down. I supposedly sit on the Internet and talk on the phone ALL DAY...so let me get back to what I do. If I'm gonna be a slacker...might as well be great at it!

Feel free to share any chronicles you may have...or techniques on how I can take these people out handle these situations...

Besides from laughing at these fools!

K to the...

Back to the future

Hey young world!

It's 2010...start of a new decade, ya dig.

Sooo...now that my PTO has carried over into this year...

TIME TO REQUEST SOME DAYS OFF!!!

That's right, the Award Tour is back in full effect. Nawlins, ATL, Delaware, DC & NC are on the radar for this year...in addition to road trips in the Midwest.

Where do you plan on going this year? Bring me a magnet and a shot glass!

K to the...

P.S. If you're older than 22 years ago, talmbout "I'm gettin' it in, in 2010" with "swagger"...please, SAT yo auss down!

Cubicle Chronicles 12.21.9

Good morning everyones and everyones.

Some of you know...I work for a nonprofit organization in the city of Shick-a-go! We're kinda a big deal...fa real. So I take what I do seriously as Senior Queen Princess Duchess of Grant Accounting Greatness.

Anywho, my job moved downtown in October and I have returned to the land of cubicles. No biggie for me, because I've worked in an open area before. But it's pret-ty OBVIOUS some of my coworkers haven't been in Cubicle Land before and was spoiled by the offices we all used to have.

[The previous location was in a hospital dorm. The rooms were converted to offices, so there were 1-2 people in each office.]

So today's post is summary of what I've encountered since being back in Cubicle Land.

1. Run me that number!
When we moved, all the fax machines weren't set-up. I was assigned a fax number, but had no fax machine to go with it. So I go to another fax machine to receive an important fax. I asked the lady who sits by the fax machine for the fax number and the lady told me she couldn't give it to me. Um, lady...this ain't YO fax machine. Run me that damn number. I ended up getting number from someone else. Maybe she just didn't like me cuz my name rhymes with hers and my lips are pink...whereas hers, black rose. *Kanye shrug*

2. Knock before entering
I have a thing about personal space. So when you wanna come around showing me pics of your bald-headed two-year old (pointing out the fact that she's bald-headed, even though I overlooked that), don't be coming up on me whispering sour nothings in my ear talkin' bout "look at my baby!" You betta announce yourself or get clapped up!

3. I can smell that
When I sit down at my desk, I can barely see over the walls, which is cool. The walls block my sight, but they fa damn sho don't block my sense of smell. Folk be spraying air freshener like others cant smell it. And they don't just spray a little...they spray ALOT! Or maybe it seems like a lot because I have a strong nose. Either way, I smell it.

4. Snitches get stitches
My seat isn't too far from the lunchroom. But with the heat being on, and music playing in my left ear...I don't hear much from a far. Well, one day, it got a little loud in the lunchroom...and some lady who isn't even supposed to be sitting on our floor got up and told the folk in the lunchroom they need to lower their voice cuz folk were working. Well, I guess it happened again last week...and the same woman (I'm pretty sure it was her) went to HR...resulting in an email being sent to everyone in our building. Next time I overhear her phone conversation, arguing about some nonsensicality...I'm telling HR!

5. Ay, can you just shut up!
Anyone who knows me knows my career of choice does NOT match my personality. At work, I am quiet...I say good morning, have a little chit chat, but that's it. I have alot of associates and friends, Therefore, not acquiring more at work doesn't hurt my life. So, I don't wanna hear "Imma make you talk"...cuz Imma give yo auss a blank stare, ok?

Well folk...that's just a snippet. I haven't even talked about my constant pain in the auss here at the gig. My nerves obviously regenerate themselves because this dude always seems to be working the last one!

Anywho, till the next Cubicle Chronicles..."you stay classy San Diego."

K to the...

P.S. This post was bought to you by CTA bus route #26. It wasn't packed, so I was able to type without folk looking all in my phone.

"Where they do that at?" Wednesday

Let me just say that I do not use the phrase in my title on a regular basis. Was just trying to stick with the alliteration, ok?

Anywho, I have a random question for yall and I need an answer.

Is it rude to expel gas in a public restroom?

And if it isn't, then why do I be in the bathroom tryna hold-in any expulsion that may occur so folk don't be thinking "Girl, she gots some serious gas"; so folk won't give me the side-eye when I come out the stall to wash my hands.

Ladies, don't you dare ACK like it's just me.

So I ask you, wonderful people...

To poot or not to poot in a public restroom?

That is the question!

K to the...