Introducing...

Hey guys!

It's unofficially the summer here in the Chi. The hoodrats are out and the White Castle on 79th St. has been jumping.

That's right...summertime Chi!

Well, summertime seems to be when I hoop more than usual. I'm not being vain, but being one of the only cute, look-like-a-female females who be hooping at the Y, I encounter alot of guys trying to hit on me.

From 15 (yeah, I said it) to almost 40.

I decided I would blog share with my 4 readers what I see/hear/encounter when I'm at the gym. So ladies and gents, I introduce to you...

"Lust and Basketball"

Today's post starts with a guy who just doesn't take no for answer. We'll call him Possum Aloysius...or P.A. for short.

I've had my membership at this particular YMCA since 2005. I think I met P.A. back in 2006. This is when I was in my friendly stage. Ya know...give a guy number if he asks...chit chat on the phone as friends.

Well, P.A. was starting to become a bit too possessive for me. I mean, would get upset if I'm conversing with another guy while waiting for my "next"...or go play 1-on-1 with someone else (Will save the 1-on-1 stories for another post). Sir, you've never seen me in anything besides a Bradley Athletics t-shirt, shorts and Nike Shox. Go satcho auss down, nah!

Anywho, P.A. start getting a little crazy...talking to me any type of way, so I ignored his auss! He'll call...I wouldn't answer. After a while, he got a clue. *Praise Moses*

Fast forward to Spring 2009, I see him at the gym. He had moved to Iowa, but was still in Chicago on the weekends or...som'n. I don't remember...which shows how much I cared, right? Anywho, he apologize for what happened in '06 and then tried to make his move, asking if we can try again.

Try what, sir?

Um...no.

Fast forward to last month. Now when I see him, it's annoying. Everywhere I am, he just so happens to be near me. I'm sitting on the floor, dripping in sweat waiting for the next game, here he comes to talk to the guy running the court about some young negroid who he schooled a few days ago.

Sir, nobody cares.

Below is a conversation that we had the last time I went to hoop. This convo is going on as I'm shooting around, waiting for the next 5 to get on the court (My team was ON on this day)

P.A.: What are you doing when you leave here?
Me: Going to get something to eat, then going home?
P.A.: Can I take you to dinner
Me: No
P.A.: Why not?
Me: Because when I go home, I'm taking a shower, then going to sleep
P.A.: We can go out to eat after you take your shower
Me: No
*sidenote: gym doesn't close till 10. At this point, it's almost 9p*
P.A.: When can I take you out?
Me: I don't want to go out with you
P.A.: Can we exchange numbers again?
Me: No
P.A.: Why not? Because of last time?
Me: I'm just not interested
P.A.: Well, how bout I give you my number, then you can call me if you want.
Me: I guess

I made sure he didn't see me when I left the gym. lol

K to the...

Cubicle Chronicles 1.7.10

Good [insert your current time of day] everyone!

This week has been a trying week here at the gig. So instead of me just being the usual K to the..., I now have to show these people why there are three letters behind my name in my email signature.

So for this installment in cubicle chronicles, the subject is communication?

Maintain a CYA file!
Having a Cover Your Auss file is muy importante in the the world of email today. Just yesterday, a lady told my mgr she didn't receive a file from me. I politely checked my sent folder...and FORWARDED the original email to her. Of course, she hits me with some wack excuse! Let me just point out the original email was sent to my mgr as well, so he could have spoke up for me (yeah right). But he didn't recognize I sent the email because *wait for it* he doesn't read...which leads me to...

I "CC:" you looking, witcho lookin' auss
There are times when I receive emails in which I've been CC'ed. The email may not be necessarily for me, but ya know, it's for me to have as reference. Well, yesterday big boss sends an email to my mgr, but copies me. I read it, understood it, on to the next email (Hov!). Today, my mgr forwards me the same email. READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!!! If you had read over the entire email, you would have seen that I received this email already.

I say again, READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!!!
So my co-workers and I, being the smart ausses we are cuz we're fed up with b.s., have signs that say "LUNCH" that hang on our cubicles when we're eating lunch at our desk. So, I'm sitting here chillin, reading the news, flossing after eating some chips that were death to my taste buds. Here comes Ditzy Magee walking pass my desk. She sees the sign and the convo goes as follows: DM: What does this say? (Sidenote: The sign is in English)
Me: *turns around with floss pick hanging from mouth* It says "LUNCH"
DM: Oh as in you're on lunch, well I'll just come back when you're done
Me: *Thinking: NO bring yo auss now, so I won't have to see you later* No, it's ok, what is your question?
She then proceeds to say as I'm helping her "I don't want to interrupt."

*sigh*

Well, my lunch is officially over, and I just took my sign down. I supposedly sit on the Internet and talk on the phone ALL DAY...so let me get back to what I do. If I'm gonna be a slacker...might as well be great at it!

Feel free to share any chronicles you may have...or techniques on how I can take these people out handle these situations...

Besides from laughing at these fools!

K to the...

Mystery Monday 11.30.9

Good morning all!

I was on some true ignant ish last night and was tweeting my thoughts of the BET Awards 2009 Winter Edition bka the Soul Train Awards.

But after watching the awards last night, I can't help but to wonder. So maybe you wonderfer people can help me out.

Ready?

Seady?

How can a show that hasn't come in years have an awards show?
How can the person who is the creator of the show NOT be at the awards show?
Why won't Debra Lee go sit down?

That is all. Happy Monday!

P.S. The anniversary of me arriving on earth this week...countdown is ON, snitchessssssssss!

P.P.S. Follow me on Twitter...KDW824

P.P.S.S. Nothing, just wanted to type "P.P.S.S."

"But patience is a virtue, being anxious just might hurt you..."

*This post has been chillin as a draft since September 30th! *tsk tsk* Well, I don't have anything else to do...so here it goes.*

Well, December will make three years since the last time I had a relaxer. See...I didn't do it to try to seem "more black". I mean, I'm light-skinned...and tans fade away. So, technically...I can't get "more black"!

This whole going natural thing started off as me trying to see how long I could go without a relaxer. After a year, I decided to just *points to barrel of water* gon' head & keep the party going. Now I'm debating on if I want locs, eventually.

But before I do that, I'm the process of growing out this "custom" color my beautician put in my head beginning in '07. I say "custom" because that's exactly what my beautician said when I asked her the name of the color. Look, I don't need folk to lie to me to make me feel special. I see the damn color on a Dark 'N Lovely kit at Soo Kim' Beauty Supply. Don't do me, lady! *side eye* So anywho, after this color is grown out, then I'll decide on what's next. That's alot of waiting...alot of patience!

As I approach the 24th year* of my life (Sagittarians, stand up!) I realize more and more each day that if you really want something, it's not going to come to you when you want. It's going to come on God's time. So in the meantime, you gotta practice patience. From joining a sorority to finally being able to take a tap dance class 20 years after seeing "Tap"...I have the patience of an effing** saint!

It's in my blood son!

K to the...

*iLie again.
** Is it blasphemous to use this euphemism before the word "saint"?

P.S. Cool points to whomever can tell me from what song this post's title comes.

"'Stank stank' means you got the funkiest..."

First let me say, writing a blog can be time consuming...especially when you're trying to update at work and folk try to give you work to do. Oh, you want me to EARN this salary, sir? Earn deez!

So today's Hump Day post isn't as haphazard as others. But I think speaking on this will make the world a better place...for you, me and the entire human race (Yess, Michael)

I have a strong nose, so some ish I smell can be really detrimental to my nose hairs at times. Look, I know everyone has their bad breath moments...I am no exception! But when those moments occur more than usual e'ryday, then dangit, something needs to be done!

Every morning, this guy comes in my office and seems to forget to take his bad breath with him when he leaves. It's like he uses every word that has the 'h' syllable, causing him to exert more breath when he talks; and he talks ALOT. I don't even want to stand face to face with him to talk.

It's that serrus!

I'd like to think I'm a pretty tactful person. But when it comes to breath so bad, it can gag a donkey...I just don't know what to say. I mean, unless you are a monkey, the top lip is usually no more than an inch from your nostrils. So you mean to tell me these people can't smell what's being emitted through their oral orifice?

So, how do you say, "Ay man, yo breath be kickin'...may I interest you in a lifetime supply of Stride" without having to duck because they're trying to tell you what the fingers said to the face?

With me returning to the world of public transportation...I know I'm gonna encounter even MORE of the Bad Breath Bobs and Bettys.

I guess I'll just continue to hold my breath, and pray I don't pass out!

K to the...

Could it be I stayed away too long..."

Ladies, gents, cats, dogs and parrots too...lend me your optical orifice!!!

It's Wednesday! It's a Hump Day! *giggity...awriiight* So today I bring you some Hump Day Haphazardness.

a) I'm willing to bet 2 pennies that the people who can't park in between the lines in parking lots...were the same ones who couldn't color inside the lines in kindergarten!

2) Who's brilliant idea was it to show the Michael Jackson movie for ONLY two weeks? I mean do they not know of this man's impact on the universe? Even E.T. and ALF are coming back for this show.

C) They shoulda never gave you niggas money...webcams (Stephon Marbury) and Twitter (Fabolous)
Cc) Why do I know all about the goings ons of twitter, and I'm not even on there!?!?

IV) People who updated their crackbook statuses and twitter simultaneously are lazy! I mean, nobody on crackbook cares about what you're saying to "@uknouwantdis"

E) I swear, EVERY speech Obama has given has been broadcasted. At least once a week, on msnbc.com, there's a link to a speech he's about to give that can be watched live. I even saw a link to a speech he was giving his daughters after they had their firsts tests at their new school. WT!
Ee) Why are they writing a book about the Obamas' marriage? Did anyone write one about the Clintons' seeing as though good ole Bill had relations with that woman?

VI) I hope as Chris Brown tries to "clean up" his image, he gets some speech lessons and do exercises that will help him with his memory. Juicy mouthed with a touch of amnesia...not a good combo, CBreezy.
"I don't remember anything...like wow...wow...I don't remember...it was like wow...wow"

Definitely need more people!

G) I've heard of people doing some stupid ish, but making up email accounts to send "anonymous" emails is just plain stupid. Words of wisdom: the email can be traced back to the computer from which the email was sent. *Cue DJ Nehptes "You Big Dummy" juke mix* Let's smarten up, dummies.

viii) What is up with all these superstars getting exposed with these naked pics or sex tapes?

9) I have come across some of the weirdest/funniest internet lingo from NTTAWWT (Not that there's anything wrong with that) to WTDTA (Where they do that at?) to 2520. I can see it already, my mini-me coming home from kindergarten talking like this: "Ma, DYK that Kendal, was EUATC today and he GIT and had to SITC.
Translations: Ma, did you know that Kendal was eating up all the cookies today and got in trouble and had to sit in the corner (Not "sex in the city")

Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

K to the...

"You think yo ish don't stink...but you are (Mr)s P.U...."

So everyone is talking about the VMAs and what 'Ye did last night. I just got one question:

What do you think was in 'Ye's cup last night?

I saw a pic of 'Ye with a bottle of Hennessy in his hand, but..."Man Naw" (Word to the Troll*)! He had to have been drinking something else before he brought the Hennessy. I think 'Ye was sipping on a Blue M'F'er. Four those who haven't indulged in "The Blue", let me explain. It's a DRANK that has four types of liquor in it...ToKillYa, Vodka, Gin & Rum topped off with some Blue Curacao! Two of them gets me roight and toight...

...like a tiger (Yess, Goldmember)!

So I think 'Ye may have had 3 of them.

What do yall think 'Ye was sipping on?

K to the...

*Lil sis

"...go 'head and breathe it in like antihistamine."

Tomorrow is back to the real world for me, and I am SO ready. I was out sick with "strippers' throat"* pretty much all last week. So it feels good to burn some gas making that 30 minute drive to the gig.

Being out with nothing to do but watch Maury and catch Grey's Anatomy on Lifetime at 5p *wink*, I had a lot of time to think about ish. And if you really know me, then you know my mind is CONSTANTLY going.

Let me just say, being single when you're sick is the wackest ish EVER! Not saying I don't appreciate my family and friends, because I do. My best friend came by and brought me some soup...and she had just had the pee-new-moan-ya** a few weeks prior. But, neither my mom nor best friend can rub on my booty cuddle with me and tell me it'll all be better. That was the first time I was sick while living on my own, so it just sucked all around.

And I felt lonely!

That's right. I have alot of pride when it comes to my feelings towards men. I can cut a nigga off in a minute, but it takes ALOT for me to admit when I'm hurt by someone I really cared about. Guys who bribe me with basketball shorts don't fit into this category. *snicker* So I'm saying it...

I was feeling lonely last week for a couple days!

In my fantastically random mindset, "lonely" and "alone" can be broken down as follows:

Alone - By one's self
Lonely - By one's self, saddened by the fact you have nobody around to stroke your ego face and tell you "If you die, I'll kill ya, ya hear?" "I don't think you're beautiful, I think you're beyond it." "You complete me!"

But anywho, I said all that to say this...I'm joining a convent! I won't have to worry about anything concerning men because...I would be asexual. Then I won't have to worry about anything besides changing my underwear since my clothes are pretty much picked out! Now, that's the life, son!

iKeed

This morning when I watched the sunrise for the last unofficial day of the summer, I asked God to continue to give me patience as I wait for the right one to come along for me. Folk always say "Let go, and let God"...well, I did that, so I'm done dwelling on it.

Hopefully.

Until that one comes long for me, I'll continue to be entertained by niggas begging me to be their friends on facebook because they care about me being their friend!

Maybe I'll copy that message thread in my next post.

*giggles*

K to the...

*Strep throat. When my girl said she heard I had "strippers' throat," I died inside...because it hurt my throat to laugh out loud. :-)
**Pneumonia <----the correct spelling is just too damn unorthodox

Fookery for your Friday!

I have been on this earth for 300+ months and I swear of all my homies from way back when...I'm the only one who isn't booed up! Makes me no never mind...my time will come. However, the following textvo below is one of the reasons why I feel my time has NOT come just yet. I pray to 8lb, 6oz Baby Jesus my future son isn't as dumb as this negro!

Background: I met this nimcumpoop while hooping at the gym a couple weeks ago. Well, he caught a bish fit (after a week of knowing each other) because I asked him a question in order to gain clarity on a question he asked me. Well...he hung up on me! I told him to lose my number, which he claimed he already deleted from his phone. AWESOME! The following textvo let's me know it was all a LIE!

*side note* This has been copied and pasted verbatim from my inbox...no editing. This is raw (no sushi) footage here, ladies and gents!!!
*side note #2* You will know who's said what. And yess...that is how his name is saved in my phone

Asshole-DNA* (4:20 PM):Hey u
Me (4:30 PM):hi
Asshole-DNA (4:31 PM):How r u I just thought about u so I thought I would check on u
Me (4:32 PM):I'm cool
Asshole-DNA (4:37 PM):That's good to know im sorry we got off to a bad start but I really wanted to get to know u
Me (4:38 PM):You blew your chance...
Asshole-DNA (4:40 PM):Wow that's harsh idk y I didn't even do aything
Me (4:52 PM):You hung up in my face. I guess thats nothing to you...
Asshole-DNA (4:53 PM):N im sorry and didn't mean too it was chlidish
Me (4:55 PM):Ok. ANd like I said earlier, you blew your chance...
Asshole-DNA (4:57 PM):Ok well that sucks there aint nothing I can do ??? U can have them shorts u like or we can shoot to give me a fresh start
Me (4:59 PM):nope
Asshole-DNA (5:00 PM):Well u still old me dinner that I do know n u must got another guy or something but its good
Me (5:01 PM):That bet is null and void...and I'm still single...thank you.
Asshole-DNA (5:02 PM):Wow u just void my award for winning that sucks
Me (5:07 PM):What makes you think I'd still wanna go to dinner with you...gotdamnyou're funny.
Asshole-DNA (5:08 PM):Oh ok wow ill just leave u alone ur mean I was just tryna b cool
Me (5:13 PM):ok

Yess, this ninja bribed me with some effing basketball shorts...then still expected me to go to dinner with him! And he's 23...he was doomed from the start. But nothing wrong with being friends, right? I was gonna see him on the reg at the gym, anyway!

My auss has been totally off since yesterday @ 4:57p...I don't think I can laugh it off anymore!!!

Do I feel bad for posting this on a public blog and putting him on blast?

I'm gonna go with "Hell No" for $500 Alex!!!

Watch I see this bastard next week! *sigh*

Happy Friday Everyones...and everyones!

K to the...

*DNA = Do Not Answer...for those of you who don't have the pleasure of having stalkers in your life.

You on the other side of the glass, of my memory's museum...

Good morning pimps and pimpettes. Going along with the title of this here ya dig I've started, today I bring you a (hopefully) weekly edition of Random Rants.

Aaaaannnnnd....ACTION!

a.) What was handed to Chris Brown was a bit much...compared to what other futhamuckas have received after beating their women REPEATEDLY, including endangering the life of children. If it wasn't Rihanna, I don't think his punishment would have been as much. I'm not condoning D.V. in anyway, but I'm just saying...

2.) My grandmother tells me THEE funniest stories about me as a child. Today's story: At the tender age of 3, while visiting a family friend, I had on sandals and my feet got dirty. I went to tell my mom and she said "Get over it!". Luckily, Mei-Mei* had my back...and we went to wipe off my feet. If it wasn't for that save, I would be walking around thinking it's ok for my feet to look like this:

http://www.stompin.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/dirty_feet.JPG

c.) I got my first tat back in May! The whole time I was getting tatted, I had THEE ugliest frown on my face saying "I'm not doing this again," but secretly plotting on where the next tat was going to be. I've decided...hand prints on the butt cheeks!!!**

iv.) I love Beyonce, but she bogus for the "I Am..." concert being the same as the "Beyonce Experience." Either way, I'm still buying the "I Am..." DVD when it comes out. Call me ka-razy if you want...cuz I don't know karate.

5.) The following phrases/words irk me!

• "I got so much swagger, I swear swagger tryna sue me" [side-eye to Weezy]
• "Get it in..." [What is "it"?]
• "I'm going ham..." [Still don't understand the metaphoric use of "ham"]
• "She's such a ham.." [So she likes to sit on the table, honey glazed, with pineapples on top]
• Hubby [What is he, a lost Teletubby?]
• Wifey [Darn you, RL!]
• Pineapple [OK, not really]

f.) I think folk should give props to people who aren't married with kids, instead of side-eyeing asking what's wrong with me because I'm alone. Alone doesn't equate to lonely, numbnuts!!! You think it's easy filtering through the shullbit that comes my way as a single woman everyday in the 21st century? Why can't I have an "Not having a wedding" shower or a "not having a baby" shower? HEH!?!? Where's the gift registry for the single folk, Wal-Mart!?!

VII.) I don't care for all the hype about Amber Rose (And please, don't try to elaborate), but seeing her stomach motivated me to get back on my abdominals, son! lol

8.) Saturday marks the 4 year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. I was in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and STILL saw some of the effects of the storm. I didn't make it to the 9th ward, but I wonder what it looks like now...

I.) My girls and I came up with this theory after we graduated from college and it hasn't been proven wrong yet: If a man is at least three years older than you, he's mentally as mature as you are. Waiting for someone to prove this theory wrong...just once!

X.) I know I'm not the only person who feels responsibility is nonexistent when returning to the university from which they've graduated. I make my return to my Alma mater this weekend and I must say..."Keke" will make an appearance.

That is all, for now. Feel free to share any random rants you may have! Post it in the comments section of the blog (facebook lurkers) and make me look important feel special. lol j/k

Naw, I'm fa serious. lol j/k

Ok, I'm not j/k

:-)

*Mei-Mei is my divalicious grandmother. And she doesn't give a hoot what you think of her because: "I'm 71-year-old...I'm just happy to still be here!" Some of my spunk comes from her....

**Kill yourself if you thought I was fa serious!

K to the...

I've said 25,896 times before, and I'll say it again...

This blog was inspired by what was in my work mailbox this sunny Monday morning! Today I ask:

Why don't people READ?

The phrase "reading is fundamental" has been embedded in my brain since I was a baby genius reading at the age of 2 grammar school. When one reads, it eliminates the side-eye he or she will receive because they asked a dumb question that wouldn't have been asked if you would just read!

And you wouldn't wanna receive a side-eye like this, would ya?

http://www.igville.com/2009/05/lethal-side-eye.html

So I work for a nonprofit organization*. Since we receive money from the guv'ment...it's a must that we get audited. So the auditors are auditing one of the federal grants I'm in charge of. Yeah, that's right, "in charge of"...I'm kinda the shiznit around these parts, son!!!

Ok...maybe just the 'nit.

Anywho, the auditors need to see copies of paystubs the employees receive to confirm that the employees were paid. I talked to a lady in HR about the auditors request...AND sent an email with a list attached. A week and a half later and what do I find in my mailbox this morning?

Timecards

Can someone explain this equation: Paystubs = Timecards

So now I have to go to the auditors and tell them ONCE AGAIN...I still don't have what they're looking for. This is some shullbit (Word to 'Kast)!

Thank you...and goodnight!

K to the...


*Nonprofit organization is an organization which is service-oriented, not operating for the sole purpose of making money i.e. hospitals, universities (Bradley U, my Alma mater, is an exception). Yess, I've had grown people ask me what a "nonprofit organization" is. I guess I should tell them what "context clues"** are too.

**context clues are...go dig a hole!