Merry Christmas Lil Mama

The past couple of years on Christmas morning, my sis and I have fixed breakfast. Last year, we were cutting up to "Look At My Dab" with my grandmother making a guest appearance.

Watch my grandmother though. #🎄↪️⬆️ @kiara_rozayy

A video posted by Vita Corleone (@kd.4) on Dec 25, 2015 at 8:05am PST

After hearing Chance The Rapper and Jeremih's new mixtape, I told Kiara "Merry Christmas Lil Mama" will be our cut up song for Christmas 2016. The song is Chicago as hell...and so are we. It was only right.

So, we record a video lasting almost the entire length of the song. I break it down in 3 parts and post on IG. My mom ends up being in the third video because she came in the kitchen fussing about water running in the sink. That is why Kiara proceeds to juke on her.

Stop your fussing woman, it's Christmas!

When I post the videos, I tagged Mr. Bennett in two of them, thanking him for the song. Friends view, like, comment...cool. I leave my phone alone for a couple of hours so it can charge.

I get back on IG, and I see a gang of random people have liked my videos, and some of them have started following me. I'm thinking "Oh, they must have clicked on the hashtag and found my video. But why are they following me?" I keep scrolling then I see the comment "omg he reposted."

#merrychristmaslilmama @kd.4 #repost

A video posted by Chance The Rapper (@chancetherapper) on Dec 25, 2016 at 3:36pm PST

Like my P-town folk say...I was gaggin!

Not only were randoms liking the vids I posted that morning. Some were going back and liking old posts. Was I supposed to give them a shoutout "for the IG love?" (Do people still do that!?) It was crazy! I turned off comments on the videos, because one idiot made his way to my page just to talk about my Christmas pajamas.

Uh...OK.

I've removed SOOOOOO many people as followers. I'm not a creative that is promoting anything, so I didn't need an increase in followers. They were gonna unfollow me, anyway, after seeing that I'm boring. I just helped them out. O_O

After two days of mayhem in my notifications, my IG is somewhat back to normal. Haleloo!

A Merry Christmas, indeed, Lil Mama!

K to the...

P.S. Hundreds of thousands of people have watch me act a fool...while I wasn't wearing a bra. Geez Louise!

P.P.S. It was hot as hell in the kitchen. I was dripping in sweat after that video.

Daddy's girl

I know who my father is. My middle name is the female version of his first name, followed by his unusual last name. I inherited my love for basketball from him. The rows of wrinkles that form on my forehead when raising my brows is from him. No doubt, I am his child.

A daddy's girl?

My father isn't a prominent figure in my life. He isn't someone I will call when I'm in need. He's been very prominent in my sister's and niece's life, though. And I've accepted this. A couple of years ago, I had a discussion with him in regards to my relationship with my sister. I told him that there is no way my relationship with my sister, who is 13 years younger than me, should be better than my relationship with my sister who is 5 years younger than me. He placed blame on this strained relationship on her mother.

But, you're OUR father!

Then, hearing your father admit to letting that same woman keep him way from you, his first-born...

Makes me feel like I wasn't worth the fight.

So like I said, I've accepted our relationship for what it is. Am I shocked about this past weekend, when he didn't call me like he said he would to confirm a breakfast date he wanted to have?

No.

My relationship with my father is one of the reasons why I don't have kids, right now. I want my kids to have a better relationship with their father than I do with mine. I want to procreate with someone who is willing to fight for our babies harder than my father fought for me. If that means I'm not "fortunate enough"* to have someone come into my life, with whom I'd like to make that move, until I'm pushing 40...oh well!

Anything to keep my offspring from writing this same blogpost in 20+ years.

K to the...

*In quotations since society can make one feel as if having no kids means your life has no meaning at all.

"...maybe we can start again."

My time in Hammond, IN is coming to an end. I can’t believe I have been laying my head in Indiana for what will be 5 years when the lease ends. Though I’ve worked in the city the entire time, I still felt so far away from my family and friends. It wasn’t until my best friend, her husband and baby/my g-baby moved back to the states earlier this year that I had someone who stayed near me. For once, I could go visit someone on the regular and it wouldn’t take me 30 minutes to get to and from their house.

What prompted this change was spending a week at my grandmother’s while my car was being serviced. I got spoiled by the convenience of public transportation, a shorter commute to work, and being 20 minutes or less from everything. It was after that week, I knew I had to “come home.”

The time I've lived in Hammond was what I needed. I needed to step out of my comfort zone (it took months for me to get used to the quiet). I needed to go through the pain I experienced after moving to Indy to learn from it. I needed that time by myself to work on myself. Please believe, people don’t look at driving to Hammond like they look at driving to Orland from the city (though Orland is further). So I had plenty of time to myself. As an introvert, being alone wasn’t an issue. I did learn that people will go where they want to go. Once I accepted that, hearing “you live too far” stung less.

With the move, I have to recondition myself to city life. Some things I could get away with in Indy just won’t fly in Chicago. The block I’ll be staying on (shoutout to family owning property) is pretty quiet. However, no more leaving my radio faceplate on while in the crib. Look, I love my city. But I’m not naïve. I have to find another gym to join, meaning I will have even more “Basketball Chronicles” as I’ll have to gain respect from a new group of regular hoopers. I’m also looking to teach yoga in the city, in addition to continuing to teach in Highland.

A lot of changes on the horizon, but I’m not worried. Like my homie Alvin always say, “I’m alright, because God’s got me.”

Happy New Year!

K to the…

103 years later...

A few weeks ago, I randomly started reading books and watching movies that show the struggles of Black people in America, from the end of the Civil War up until the Civil Rights Movement. Earlier this week, I finished James Weldon Johnson's "The Autobiography of an Ex-Colored Man." Judging from the notes written in the book, it seems the last time I read this book was while I was in high school.

Though the book was published in 1912, it seemed like what was going on in the book is what is going on in America today. There were two quotes that stuck out to me in the book on which I wanted to write:

"I noticed that among this class of colored men the word 'nigger' was freely used in about the same sense as the word 'fellow,' and sometimes as a term of almost endearment; but I soon learned that is use was positively and absolutely prohibited to white men."

That word is still a term of endearment for those of us who still use it. The only difference, it seems, is that we say "Nigga," instead of "Nigger."

"I once heard a colored man sum it up in these words, 'It's no disgrace to be black, but it's often very inconvenient.'"

With all the injustices Blacks have been incurring recently, I feel like this quote applies today, just like it did 103 years ago when this book was published. I'm proud to be Black. But I do know that because of my complexion, I could get hurt or, worse, killed because I stood up for myself against an officer (black or white) who overstepped his or her boundary. I know that because of my complexion, I am seen as a threat more than someone who lacks melanin.

Inconvenience.

We've all heard the quote "The only thing constant is change." I think that quote could easily be changed to "The only things constant are change...and the struggles of a Black person in America."

K to the...