Thursday, July 13, 2017

Bifcake Chronicles: The Womens Too?

“Nobody can walk by with me without dancing with me”
-Someone’s auntie to me at Chosen Few Picnic

I have noticed in the past year that I have had men AND women trying to spit that game. Anybody who knows me knows I don’t care about hanging with my peeps who are part of the LGBTQ community. So, if someone attempts to holla after seeing with whom I was just conversing, I get it. I don’t know what made your auntie holla at me at the picnic because I was walking around solo dolo looking for my peeps.

The locs?

The crop top?

No idea.

Am I offended when women try to holla? Nope. It actually boosts my ego a little because I know that not only can I get yo daddy…I COULD GET YO AUNTIE TOO, IF I WANTED HER!!!


Just joshing guys.

Only about getting your auntie, though.

I’m not joking about getting your daddy.

Especially if he has a salt and pepper beard.

I’ll gladly be your new step-mother.

Bless up.

K to the…

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Year of the 3-5

**Is this really my first post of 2017? Shame on me!**

A goal of mine for 2017 was to travel to at least one place I’ve never been each quarter. For Q1, that place was Houston, TX. For Q2, I wanted to hit up The DR. However, due to moving expenses (yeah...again. *eyeroll*) and a necessary uninsured dental procedure...there won't be a Q2 trip.

Probably no Q3 trip, as well.

So I've modified my goal for the Year of the 3-5. Instead of traveling to places I’ve never been, I’m going to do things in my city that I've never done before. During my birthday trip in Philly, we spent hours at Philadelphia Museum of Art (after running the steps like Rocky). However, I have never been to the Art Institute of Chicago. How, Sway?! I recently visited an exhibit the Museum of Science & Industry has had every year since 1970 (WHET!?) showcasing African-American artists. I had no idea that exhibit existed.

Basically, I’m trying to create new experiences in my city for the Year of the 3-5. And step my Chi-town brunch game up.

I’m OK with holding off till Q4 to go some place I’ve never been before. That means I have more time to save for a big auss, dope auss trip.

Let's get it!

K to the...

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Merry Christmas Lil Mama

The past couple of years on Christmas morning, my sis and I have fixed breakfast. Last year, we were cutting up to "Look At My Dab" with my grandmother making a guest appearance.

A video posted by Vita Corleone (@kd.4) on

After hearing Chance The Rapper and Jeremih's new mixtape, I told Kiara "Merry Christmas Lil Mama" will be our cut up song for Christmas 2016. The song is Chicago as hell...and so are we. It was only right.

So, we record a video lasting almost the entire length of the song. I break it down in 3 parts and post on IG. My mom ends up being in the third video because she came in the kitchen fussing about water running in the sink. That is why Kiara proceeds to juke on her.

Stop your fussing woman, it's Christmas!

When I post the videos, I tagged Mr. Bennett in two of them, thanking him for the song. Friends view, like, I leave my phone alone for a couple of hours so it can charge.

I get back on IG, and I see a gang of random people have liked my videos, and some of them have started following me. I'm thinking "Oh, they must have clicked on the hashtag and found my video. But why are they following me?" I keep scrolling then I see the comment "omg he reposted."

A video posted by Chance The Rapper (@chancetherapper) on

Like my P-town folk say...I was gaggin!

Not only were randoms liking the vids I posted that morning. Some were going back and liking old posts. Was I supposed to give them a shoutout "for the IG love?" (Do people still do that!?) It was crazy! I turned off comments on the videos, because one idiot made his way to my page just to talk about my Christmas pajamas.


I've removed SOOOOOO many people as followers. I'm not a creative that is promoting anything, so I didn't need an increase in followers. They were gonna unfollow me, anyway, after seeing that I'm boring. I just helped them out. O_O

After two days of mayhem in my notifications, my IG is somewhat back to normal. Haleloo!

A Merry Christmas, indeed, Lil Mama!

K to the...

P.S. Hundreds of thousands of people have watch me act a fool...while I wasn't wearing a bra. Geez Louise!

P.P.S. It was hot as hell in the kitchen. I was dripping in sweat after that video.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Pardon my French...

This post contains hella caps, randomocity and might cause some to clutch some pearls.

You've been warned.







Back in my "savage" days (LOL), I had gotten some outside dick (and mouth) with no remorse while in a relationship. No emotional connection. I just wanted a release!

Also, during a 2nd "savage" period (I am cracking up as I type this post), I had a FWB (who was 11 years my senior) for a good 6 months. Six months of some of the best sex I've ever had on a weekly basis; sometimes twice a week. I had no desire to be in a relationship with this guy.


Because he already had two kids, one close to being a teen. Meaning, he was probably done having kids.

Why do I say probably?



Because, we were just two grown ass people wanting to have some amazing, consensual, safe sex.

Yes, most of us women are wired to emotionally connect with folk easier than men. See what I said there? "Most of us" That means not all women. My guys have told me about some cold-hearted women they've come across. It's real outcheah, bruh.

I just want folk to stop treating us women like we are simply weak and emotional. Our vaginas are just as powerful and full of savagery as y'all penises!!! Have you heard the song "Pussy" by Jay-Z and Urinator of the Pre-pubescent R. Kelly?!? It's real.

K to the...

Friday, December 16, 2016


Last week, I went a pop-up shop for 828 collection. I'm browsing and I come across this dress. I saw the back of the dress and immediately wanted to try it on.

Let’s pause for a sec about this dress.

I think all 5 of you reading this know how my body is shaped. Just in case someone stumbles across this post and has never seen me before – Hi. My name is Kenya. I have a pear-shaped body. Small up top, heavy bottom. Treasurer of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, but Sergeant-At-Arms for This Wagon I’m Draggin Club. There is no 36-24-36…it’s 32-28-40. Mmkay, Pumpkin?

Back to this dress.

I usually stay away from dresses that really show my thim slick curves. And I knew this dress would show all the curves the moment I saw it. I was a little hesitant, but I went ahead and tried it on. Ya know...stepping out of my comfort zone.

I put it on, looked in the mirror and said “Damn!” My newfound enabler buddy Bebe Jones said “I didn’t know you had all that body!” SHEEEIT! I didn’t either! I had the dress on for about 15 minutes, waiting for Suzette to get a chance to pin and tuck where it was needed (up top, of course). The longer I wore it, the more comfortable I felt in it. And I got it for the low! After the alterations are made, it will be in my possession.

I don’t know when I’m going to wear it, but when I do, my theme song will be Trina’s “Pull Over”. I’ve treated my body well the past 5 years and it shows. Nothing wrong with wanting to show it off every now and then. ;-)

K to the…

Sunday, December 4, 2016


I have always looked younger than my actual age. Without knowing anything about me, people always assume I am 10 years or more younger than my actual age.

"Girl, Black don't crack."

What I have noticed over the past year are my smile lines. My smile lines have been dry snitching on me in a couple of pics.

"Yeah, you look young girl. But these smile lines are putting you closer to 40 than 20."

Does this mean I will be dialing back my smile? Nah! Those smile lines show my happiness. Those smile lines show I am alive. Those smile lines mean I am fortunate enough to get older.

So as I celebrate 34 today in the City of Brotherly Love, I will be all smiles.

Happy Birthday to me.

K to the...

Monday, October 10, 2016

The Only Thing Constant...

Right now, as I type this, I am soooooooo content with the person that I am. You might be reading this and thinking "You shouldn't be content. Strive to be better." And to you, I say "I'm a yogi. Chill." As someone who practices yoga, I like to enjoy the present. If I am constantly looking to the future, I could miss out on the good that is going on now. I strive to be better, no doubt. But right now, I am loving who I am. I am loving Kenya.

"If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans."

-Max Ehrmann "Desiderata"

Friday evening, I had an appointment with CarMax to get my car appraised. I was curious to see how much my '08 G6 was worth. I had no idea I'd be leaving CarMax with a '14 jawn in a color that has become my power color since turning 30 - RED! Since my very first car, a '96 Maxima, I've always had JUKBX on my license plates. With this car, that will not be the case. It's crazy, to me, that I even typed that. Jukebox was a college nickname due to me always dancing and playing music. Don't get me wrong...I still do that! I just want something else.

This year has definitely been a year of change. It was time for me to move back into the city. It was time for me to speak up (more) for myself. It was time for me to be more confident in my field of work due to my experience. It was time for me to let some people go. It was time for me to live it up at Caribana this year. It was time for me to be comfortable with my body and rock that crop top and short shorts with no fear. It was time for me to get a new(er) car. It was just time.

Y'all know all these changes have given me an idea for my next tattoo, right? And I want it in an area that could be visible all year round, depending on the type of shirt I am wearing. Yes, that shall be the move in 2017, the year I turn 35.



K to the...