Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Sh*t I Didn't Miss About Social Media During Lent

Everything I that I see on Social Media now that Lent is over.  LOL

OK, let me be a little more #Pacific

  • Links to serious-but-dumb-ass GoFundMe campaigns. Nobody wants to fund your personal vacation. 
  • Facebook groups for sorors. I'm Sweet Brown to the petty auss discussions I've seen in the groups.
  • Condescending posts about single women. 
  • People trying to regulate others outrage.

Here ends my 200th blogpost. Whoo-to-the-hoo!

Happy Hump Day!

K to the...

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Basketball Chronicles: It's Like I have ESP(N)

Around this time last year, I got into a heated argument with a guy at the gym. Dude reminds me of Patty Mills who plays with the Spurs.

So that’s what I’ll be calling him throughout the post.

Patty and I were on opposing teams, and he's yapping the entire game. His team hits a “game-winner” when really, the shot only put them up by 1 point. After a lot of back-and-forth, I just take the loss and go sit down. I’m Sweet Brown to the excessive arguing.

As I’m gathering my items to go home, Patty proceeds to come to sit right by me and continues talking. He goes “These mother****ers…,” and before he could even finish his statement, I calmly go “First of all, I’m no mother***er. I am a grown woman, so you will address me as such.” He’s still talking, being loud and disrespectful…and I’m steady reiterating that he will address me as the woman that I am with some respect. I'm calm, but I'm fuming on the inside because he has came over by me with the intention of starting mess. The one? I am not.

He must have gotten the point that I was making because ever since that day, he is nice to me every time I've seen him; even when I run into him outside of the gym. I’ve seen him get into arguments with multiple people, but he has yet to try that with me again.

Usually when I get into arguments with guys, they ALWAYS try to flirt sometime later. Never. Fails. Well, Patty made a move on me while we were on the court this past Sunday. -__- Before the game begins, he tells me that he might be an asshole on the court, but he’s a sweetheart in person. I just laugh it off. Then the following happens:

Patty: So can I get those digits? Can I take you out sometime?
Me: Don’t you have a baby on the way? Which means you have a boo, right?
Patty: Well, we can go on a dinner date. Can we go on a lunch date? [Note: Our jobs aren't that far from each other. We've run into each while on lunch.]
Me: *scoffs*

As we were all gathering our items so we can leave, my phone was next to me on the bench. He picks it up and goes “I’m just going to put my number in your phone now.” He sees my phone is locked and goes “I don’t even know your passcode.”

And you won't know my number either. Beat it!

K to the...

Friday, March 27, 2015

Shit I'd Post On Social Media If It Wasn't Lent pt. trois

"Sometimes you need a 90-second dance break to Nelly's 'Na-Nana-Na'. I hit that damn Chickenhead/Monastery like it was nobody's business."

"I think the world needs a new Jazzy Phizzle Product-shizzle, My nizzle. Oh boy!"

Rocking blue at "Rock The RED" #thuglife
"Don't understand calling someone a 'ho' after you've been with them. At some point that 'ho' was your wife. At some point you were in love with that 'ho'. STHU and move on."

Happy 2nd Birthday to my babies! :-D

"'Hood Politics' is like 'Cut You Off pt. 2'"

"Why didn't anyone tell me 'The Little Rascals' is streaming on Netflix Kids?! This is such a wonderful discovery!"

"If I can prep my apt for a party full of drunken adults who spill liquor, surely I can prep my apt for a play date with a 7-month-old, a 9-month-old and two 13-month-olds.

Look at me saying "13-month-olds' instead of '1-year-olds'. #godmotherswag #LaMadrina #BawseStatus "

"As someone who has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in my crib...I must say I've noticed a change. The durability of plastic bags has decreased exponentially in the past few months. I see you, Food 4 Less. I see you."

"This week, someone's 7-month-old goddaughter started waving when you say 'hi'. See...she already got the follow-thru hand motion. 2036 WNBA Draft pick. I'm tryna told y'all!"

"I hate Dwight Howard's haircut."

"No my name ain't baby. It's Kenya. AnditaintMissJacksonifyounastycuzthatsmymomsnameandthatsgross. Kenya will do just fine. Thanks."

"I roll my eyes when the camera constantly goes to her forever-grooving-at-awards-show ass. Like, OK we get it...she is enjoying herself. But I am seriously enjoying this Taylor Swift '1989' album."

"I'll stop listening to this Kendrick one day."

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Sh*t I'd Share if It Wasn't Lent

I check out the breaking news section of Chicago Tribune's website multiple times a day. I came across this article about an HIV outbreak that is occurring in southern Indiana. A lot of focus is placed on us protecting ourselves when having sex to prevent HIV/AIDS; or practice abstinence. But the cause of this outbreak in Indiana isn't the result of people having unprotected sex. The outbreak is the result of intravenous drug use. Reading this article broke my heart.

Check it out:

K to the...

Monday, March 23, 2015

Music Monday - 3.23.15

Played this album the other day and sang my heart out to this song. If this song is an option next time I go do karaoke, I'm going off! *bodyrolls*

Happy Monday!

Friday, March 20, 2015

Sh*t I'd Post On Social Media If It Wasn't Lent pt.deux

"Pretty sure I just saw a Blues Brother on the train."

"I'm seriously not gonna be able to teach my child how to effectively tie a shoe or jump double dutch. This is when the godmother, aunt and father get their moment of glory."

"Joy is not having to wear leggings under your pants while commuting because highs are in the 50s. Won' Who do it? He."

"People who drive really small cars shouldn't pull all the way into a parking spot. I thought that space was unoccupied, you inconsiderate nimrod."

"So when someone splits their pants in a dance-off, is there a winner by default? If so, who?"
It's Super Juker...and her fellow ignant, superhero friends.

"I have three words for 'Gone Girl': CHEESE AND RICE!!!"

"I'm fawked up. Homie, you fawked up. But if God us then we gon be alright."

"Sure can't wait to take this sew-in out. *pats head*"

"'To Pimp A Butterfly.' Great day to have the gift of hearing."

"Unsolicited dick pics (UDPs) are annoying. Someone I hoop with sent me a pic, and asked if I got it; as if he was so sure that the UDP made me pat my pum pum. -__- I hope me saying 'Unfortunately' keeps him from sending me another one."

"Guess who'll be fresh as they turn 2 this week! My babies"


"Looks like the 2016 Posh Patty's Day Party will be at a different location than this year. Bye Bye Dolphin."

"Today is the first day of Spring, bizniyeees! Almost time to show off those bodies that we worked on during Winter. *kisses biceps*"

Friday, March 13, 2015

Sh*t I'd Post On Social Media If It Wasn't Lent

"So, SAE..."

"My goddaughter just started crawling and but if you stand her up and hold both hands, she walks. Well on her way to being the #1 pick in the 2036 WNBA draft"

My hair is official the longest it's been all my life.
"So we clowning at Rock The RED again this year? #squadup" *tags my gangsta boos*

"D. Rose needs to do yoga."

"If we can just get Karrueche, Chris Brown, Tyga, all of the Kardashians and Wiz Khalifa the fawk outta here for the rest of the year..."

"Time to go sniff my g-baby."

"Why are Lebron's shoes $200? I'm not paying $200 for no hooping shoe, dammit!"

Had to buy some basketball shoes in kids sizes because Nike doesn't wanna make my go-to shoe in my size anymore. Well, whenever I get upset, I guess can just look down at my bright auss feet and smile. 

"Last time I got down with my boo PATrick RONald for a day party, I woke up the next morning in pain from all the dancing. So, what do I do different on Saturday: No drinking or no dancing #realissue LOL"

Bring dat sexy auss here!

"Nick Gordon sounds like he's crying throughout this interview...and not one tear has fallen. Get this nigga some help!"