Saturday, September 17, 2011

"And it came to an epiphany..."

*Very personal, so, excuse me.*

Anybody who is on Twitter or Tumblr knows of the vast amount of information that is shared on a daily basis.  Whether it's someone sharing their personal issues or just sharing what's going on in the world.  Well, yesterday, I read a post on Tumblr from someone who is dealing with depression and it made me think.

I don't suffer from depression, but I've been in a relationship with someone who dealt with depression.  I, personally, don't know how it feels to deal with depression; but I know I wanted to be there for him when he was feeling down.  I wanted him to tell me what was wrong.  I wanted to be the one who held him in my scrawny arms, kissed him on the forehead and said "I'm here."  After awhile, I learned certain behaviors of those who'd suffer from depression.  There was one that bothered me the most: not wanting to be around others, including significant others.  It made me feel useless, but I respected his wishes.

So yesterday, when I was reading that person's post, I had an epiphany about myself.  I HATE not being able to help the ones I love.  And I don't mean, someone asking for $20 and I only have $3; I'm talking deeper than that. 

Hating that I can't help others ties into one of the negative qualities I possess...which is being controlling.  This "controlling" part of me only shows in certain situations; other than that, I am a very patient person (See: celibacy and going natural. You can't be impatient going through this! hahaha).  But, when it comes to certain things I have ABSOLUTELY no control over...not so much.  And, I've been working on it.

This epiphany hit me while I was walking to lunch yesterday, and I felt so much better after acknowledging it.  The more self-evaluating I do, the more things start to make sense.  Just another part of growing up, I guess.

K to the...

1 comment:

  1. you have a great heart, that's what it is. who cares what other people think about who or how you contact those of your 'past' it's your heart that leads you to do your everyday actions of just wanting to be that person to care for others. xo-t


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