-Since the start of the new year, the time I spend on Facebook and Instagram has decreased dramatically. I don't scroll much to see what's going on in other folks' lives. I'll scroll for a few posts, then exit. If I post something, I'm coming back only to respond to comments. I know I am missing out on a lot. And I’m OK with that.
-I saw someone post a question on FB asking what is the latest folk want to start having kids. This made me think about what 22-year-old KD’s plans were. By this age, my oldest should be in kindergarten by now; and I should be celebrating somewhere between 5 - 10 years of marriage this year.
Bwahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
-A status from 2017 popped up in my FB memories last week about men asking women, on the first date, if they've had an abortion. Guys were commenting on my status trying to justify why someone would ask that question (Newsflash: You can't justify why someone would ask that question) and it made me think of the previous beau telling me what he adores about me and goes:
"...and you haven't had any abortions. Wait, you haven't had any abortions, right?"
Me: "That's never an appropriate question to ask. How would you feel if I asked if you paid for any abortions?"
-"Why? What's the worst thing R. Kelly has ever done?" - question asked by a man at a party this past weekend after I said R. Kelly on, so I'm not dancing at the moment.
-I had a conversation with an 88-year-old at my gym about dating as a widower. If I was at least 45 years older, I'd definitely hang out with him. He was so cool.
-Last year, on Ash Wednesday last year, I said I was going to be in New Orleans for Mardi Gras in 2018. I'm 3 weeks away from being in my favorite city. Someone else will have to pass out beads at the gig this year.
-DJ Envy and Charlamagne Tha God sounded soooooo ignorant while interviewing Amara La Negra on The Breakfast Club. Ugh!
K to the...
Monday, January 22, 2018
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Bifcake Chronicles: Plenty of NAWL
On the last Friday of 2017, due to pure boredom while waiting on a technician to repair the furnace, I created an account on Plenty of Fish (POF). I did this strictly for entertainment. Well, it was a mixture of entertainment and "If you don't get the fuh..."
I only had my account for 48 hours (LOL) because it's only so many ridiculously lame intros I can take. One dude was so ridiculous with his intro, I had to ask “Is this a serious question?”
What did he ask?
If I had to put in a lot of effort to be as beautiful as I am (ya know, using make-up and everything), or is it natural?
*pours wine on phone*
Another dude asked what I was doing June 2018, because he was going to wine and dine me, then take me to Jamaica, and some other fantasy ish. Then he said we’d live “somewhat happily ever after.”
Somewhat?
I can't be fully happy!?
In the “Conversation Starter” section of my profile, I stated “Yes, I play basketball. No, you can’t play for my heart,” because maugs think they are so clever with that “Love & Basketball” quote.
One guy asked “Can you play ball or do you just like to watch?”
Reading is fundamental, man.
Another guy said it didn’t seem like I played ball…because I was too cute to sweat.
*throws phone in toilet*
I personally know someone who met their spouse on POF.
That won't be me, though.
And I'm OK with that.
Happy New Year #nshit
K to the…
I only had my account for 48 hours (LOL) because it's only so many ridiculously lame intros I can take. One dude was so ridiculous with his intro, I had to ask “Is this a serious question?”
What did he ask?
If I had to put in a lot of effort to be as beautiful as I am (ya know, using make-up and everything), or is it natural?
*pours wine on phone*
Another dude asked what I was doing June 2018, because he was going to wine and dine me, then take me to Jamaica, and some other fantasy ish. Then he said we’d live “somewhat happily ever after.”
Somewhat?
I can't be fully happy!?
In the “Conversation Starter” section of my profile, I stated “Yes, I play basketball. No, you can’t play for my heart,” because maugs think they are so clever with that “Love & Basketball” quote.
One guy asked “Can you play ball or do you just like to watch?”
Reading is fundamental, man.
Another guy said it didn’t seem like I played ball…because I was too cute to sweat.
*throws phone in toilet*
I personally know someone who met their spouse on POF.
That won't be me, though.
And I'm OK with that.
Happy New Year #nshit
K to the…
Friday, December 8, 2017
35 Things about my 35th Birthday Trip
- The weather
- The eye candy
- The accents
- All-inclusive
- Dancehall routines with Jamaicans and keeping up with them
- Meditating while laying in a hammock
- The bartender, Kemar, keeping me right at the 24-hr bar
- The view every morning when I opened my eyes
- Drinking while in the pool
- Eating foods I never ate before
- Appleton rum
- Catching up on 3 months of Essence mag in the sun
- Having genuine convos with strangers from different countries
- My birthday dress
- Meeting two other ladies who were celebrating their birthdays
- Flirting with the son of one of those ladies and his mother encouraging it
- My body in the birthday dress
- ATV riding
- Zip lining through the forest
- Tubing on the river
- Authentic Jamaican cuisine
- The entire restaurant singing “Happy Birthday” to me
- “NO MORE!” to the ladies who kept bringing me champagne
- Watching a steel drum band perform live for the first time
- Seeing a “3” hat setting off my Chicago spidey senses (The group was from Chicago...Bronzeville)
- Knowing a man was from Detroit or Chicago by the way he dressed (It was Chicago)
- A lazy day of hanging on the beach and then by the pool
- The lazy day bartender, Demar, and that smile
- “Empreeeesssssss” (girlfriend)
- A lady telling me Canadians don’t last long in bed, after juicin' two of them on the trip
- A spliff giving me the giggle fits on my last night
- Never feeling lonely, though I took the trip solo dolo
- “I saw you in that black & white dress the other night. Are you a model?” -Someone’s White Auntie
- The love from everyone who made my trip memorable as I said goodbye.
- This glorious suntan, along with 137 mosquito bites
WHAT A TRIP! ☺️☺️☺️
K to the...
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Bifcake Chronicles: Same Sh*t, Different Toilet
What I have been going through the past 4-5 weeks is similar to what one experiences in a physically abusive relationship.
Your partner hits you.
They see you're hurt.
They apologize, say they will do better
Then the following week, you're watching what you say or do so you don't provoke him
Yet, your partner hits you again
They see you're hurt.
They apologize, say they will do better.
Then the following week, you're watching what you say or do so you don't provoke him
Yet...
Replace those hits with insecurities projected on to you. For weeks I have been walking on eggshells as I try to be there for someone who is adjusting to life. I knew what was I getting myself into, however I was secure enough in myself to handle it. However, me being secure couldn't stop those "hits" though. No matter how much I compromised...it was never enough.
So, he says "Goodbye forever," however I'm supposed to respond to texts and phone calls with the same empty ass apology, afterwards? I should consider at least being friends with someone who said he didn't want to be my friend? Continue to be there for someone who doesn't fully appreciate all that I, along with everyone else who cares, had done for him?
Why would I want to go back to that? What makes he or anyone else thinks he deserves me as a friend right now...or ever again?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.
I'm back to being sane.
K to the...
Your partner hits you.
They see you're hurt.
They apologize, say they will do better
Then the following week, you're watching what you say or do so you don't provoke him
Yet, your partner hits you again
They see you're hurt.
They apologize, say they will do better.
Then the following week, you're watching what you say or do so you don't provoke him
Yet...
Replace those hits with insecurities projected on to you. For weeks I have been walking on eggshells as I try to be there for someone who is adjusting to life. I knew what was I getting myself into, however I was secure enough in myself to handle it. However, me being secure couldn't stop those "hits" though. No matter how much I compromised...it was never enough.
So, he says "Goodbye forever," however I'm supposed to respond to texts and phone calls with the same empty ass apology, afterwards? I should consider at least being friends with someone who said he didn't want to be my friend? Continue to be there for someone who doesn't fully appreciate all that I, along with everyone else who cares, had done for him?
Why would I want to go back to that? What makes he or anyone else thinks he deserves me as a friend right now...or ever again?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.
I'm back to being sane.
K to the...
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Cubicle Chronicles: No Fines Here
I really think it’s rude when people walk in the office and don’t say good morning.
Especially if they are your coworkers.
And y’all in the same department that consists of only 4 people.
And nobody drinks coffee, so the “I need my coffee first” excuse can’t be used.
This is what I deal with every day with one of my coworkers. Unless he has a question, he’ll walk by my desk multiple times a day*, and not utter a word to me. He easily speaks to my other coworker, Ditzy Daisy (who started with him a year and a half ago), and the ladies that sit across the aisle from us who are part of another department.
Also, he’s is just like Issa’s whispering coworker on “Awkward Black Girl.” So, not only do you act like I slept with you last night**, but I have to stop breathing to hear what you’re saying, too?!
Dis tew much.
Before Mr. Whisper In Your Ear and Ditzy Daisy arrived, our team dynamic was great! Now? Not so much. And I've stopped trying to make it better. Now that I’ve realized there is a generational gap between my coworkers and I (30s vs late 40s/early 50s), the differences between how they work vs how I work are making more sense to me. You want to ask someone in another department for help, causing them to vent to me about how much you’ve annoyed them in the past hour because you didn't ask me for help? Cool!
Not speak to me? Super!
I’m just here so I don’t get fined.
K to the…
*Though I can’t see him walk by my desk, I can hear him due to whatever he has in his pockets that jingles.
**When I didn’t say good morning to my grandmother a kid, she would say “Did I sleep with you last night?” I still don't get it, Mei-Mei! I‘ve said good morning to people the morning after I’ve slept w-…wait, what are we talking about here?
Especially if they are your coworkers.
And y’all in the same department that consists of only 4 people.
And nobody drinks coffee, so the “I need my coffee first” excuse can’t be used.
This is what I deal with every day with one of my coworkers. Unless he has a question, he’ll walk by my desk multiple times a day*, and not utter a word to me. He easily speaks to my other coworker, Ditzy Daisy (who started with him a year and a half ago), and the ladies that sit across the aisle from us who are part of another department.
Also, he’s is just like Issa’s whispering coworker on “Awkward Black Girl.” So, not only do you act like I slept with you last night**, but I have to stop breathing to hear what you’re saying, too?!
Dis tew much.
Before Mr. Whisper In Your Ear and Ditzy Daisy arrived, our team dynamic was great! Now? Not so much. And I've stopped trying to make it better. Now that I’ve realized there is a generational gap between my coworkers and I (30s vs late 40s/early 50s), the differences between how they work vs how I work are making more sense to me. You want to ask someone in another department for help, causing them to vent to me about how much you’ve annoyed them in the past hour because you didn't ask me for help? Cool!
Not speak to me? Super!
I’m just here so I don’t get fined.
K to the…
*Though I can’t see him walk by my desk, I can hear him due to whatever he has in his pockets that jingles.
**When I didn’t say good morning to my grandmother a kid, she would say “Did I sleep with you last night?” I still don't get it, Mei-Mei! I‘ve said good morning to people the morning after I’ve slept w-…wait, what are we talking about here?
Monday, July 24, 2017
Bifcake Chronicles: Will There Be One?
If you are friends with me on social media, you will notice there are certain friends with whom I spend the majority of my time. There are six of us in the Chicagoland area, including my g-babies’ auntie, and a friend who stays in Florida. Amongst the six of us here, two are married, one is getting married in the Fall, another is in the process of being a homeowner with her beau, and another one is in the process of no longer describing her relationship as “long-distance.”
None of the ladies in the previous, long-ass sentence describes yours truly.
Womp.
The one who is moving away (DJ) has been my rider. Because her beau doesn’t reside here and she doesn’t have kids, she can just get up and go when an idea pops up in either of our heads. But with her leaving, who will be the person I can call on when I just want to get up and go? As an introvert, I have no problem doing things by myself. But sometimes, I want someone I know to roll with me, ya know?
While walking back to the car after a museum visit and some good grubbing, I told DJ that I need someone I can hang with. If there is an adult night and the husbands/beaus/and soon-to-be wife are around, I want to have someone to roll with me so I’m not looking like the nth wheel AGAIN. I want to take a walk downtown and just enjoy the city; or eat some fancy shmancy food at a place I've never been (he doesn't have to pay - we can split the bill); or go to the movies to check out that new [insert Director's name here] movie; or simply chill at the lakefront.
Basically, I just want some company.
Will there be one?
K to the…
None of the ladies in the previous, long-ass sentence describes yours truly.
Womp.
The one who is moving away (DJ) has been my rider. Because her beau doesn’t reside here and she doesn’t have kids, she can just get up and go when an idea pops up in either of our heads. But with her leaving, who will be the person I can call on when I just want to get up and go? As an introvert, I have no problem doing things by myself. But sometimes, I want someone I know to roll with me, ya know?
While walking back to the car after a museum visit and some good grubbing, I told DJ that I need someone I can hang with. If there is an adult night and the husbands/beaus/and soon-to-be wife are around, I want to have someone to roll with me so I’m not looking like the nth wheel AGAIN. I want to take a walk downtown and just enjoy the city; or eat some fancy shmancy food at a place I've never been (he doesn't have to pay - we can split the bill); or go to the movies to check out that new [insert Director's name here] movie; or simply chill at the lakefront.
Basically, I just want some company.
Will there be one?
K to the…
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Bifcake Chronicles: The Womens Too?
“Nobody can walk by with me without dancing with me”
-Someone’s auntie to me at Chosen Few Picnic
I have noticed in the past year that I have had men AND women trying to spit that game. Anybody who knows me knows I don’t care about hanging with my peeps who are part of the LGBTQ community. So, if someone attempts to holla after seeing with whom I was just conversing, I get it. I don’t know what made your auntie holla at me at the picnic because I was walking around solo dolo looking for my peeps.
The locs?
The crop top?
No idea.
Am I offended when women try to holla? Nope. It actually boosts my ego a little because I know that not only can I get yo daddy…I COULD GET YO AUNTIE TOO, IF I WANTED HER!!!
LMAO
Just joshing guys.
Only about getting your auntie, though.
I’m not joking about getting your daddy.
Especially if he has a salt and pepper beard.
I’ll gladly be your new step-mother.
Bless up.
K to the…
-Someone’s auntie to me at Chosen Few Picnic
I have noticed in the past year that I have had men AND women trying to spit that game. Anybody who knows me knows I don’t care about hanging with my peeps who are part of the LGBTQ community. So, if someone attempts to holla after seeing with whom I was just conversing, I get it. I don’t know what made your auntie holla at me at the picnic because I was walking around solo dolo looking for my peeps.
The locs?
The crop top?
No idea.
Am I offended when women try to holla? Nope. It actually boosts my ego a little because I know that not only can I get yo daddy…I COULD GET YO AUNTIE TOO, IF I WANTED HER!!!
LMAO
Just joshing guys.
Only about getting your auntie, though.
I’m not joking about getting your daddy.
Especially if he has a salt and pepper beard.
I’ll gladly be your new step-mother.
Bless up.
K to the…
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