Bifcake Chronicles: Yeah...right

Back in 2014, I exchanged numbers with a guy I hoop with (no-no) so we could hang out outside of the gym. He has about 8 years on me, so I figured (no-no) he'd be different than the others who have tried to holla. We went out to dinner, once. Had a good conversation and said we'd hang out again. From the beginning I told him that I wasn't lookin for a FWB*. I guess he took that as me wanting a relationship because after that, he had all the excuses in the world to not hang out; then the polar vortex wreaked havoc on the Midwest. I was comfortable sitting in the crib, cooking and watching Netflix solo dolo. Thanks, Winter.

After a while, I stopped communicating with him outside of sideline chatter in-between games at the gym. Well, during the NBA Finals, I get a text. His number was no longer in my phone, but I knew who it was from the area code. I had to remind him that he played me before. He apologizes.

Whatever.

So he's like he wants to hang out or what not. I'm thinking he wanted to go to a bar, eat, drink, and talk shit about the Cavs.

Nope, not his plan.

So the subject changes...start talking about yoga and then:

Feel free to go the cheap, lazy route of hanging out with someone else.

K to the...

*Friend with benefit

Now what?

I didn’t want to let the month of July go by without me updating the blog. There has been so much going on that I can blog about, but after I say to Self “I could blog about this,” something else happens that I can blog about. It's like monkey brain...but outside the brain. hahahaha

Last time I wrote, I mentioned how I got started with my certification class. I'm certified to teach...now what?

Well, because of people going on vacation and other summertime activities that occur, summer isn’t a good time to start a class. So, right now, I’m subbing when needed and posting to @AHoopinYogi.

I really like posting pics and videos, guiding others through poses. I’ve had people ask questions, and I’ve also learned about different ways to do different poses. Though I can teach others, that doesn’t mean that I stop learning, ya know?

I’m also really enjoying the now. Yes, I look forward to upcoming trips or events that are planned, but I also enjoy what goes on in the present. Mediation really helps me with that because in those 5 minutes of stillness, I’m getting rid of any mental trash that clouds my thinking.

As a gift to myself for certification, I got some new ink on my leg. My biggest tattoo…and the 3rd one from the very talented Ryan Henry at 9Mag Tattoo Studio. When I arrived at my appointment, he was like “So I heard you’re going big with this one?” He LOVES doing big tattoos, especially on fresh skin. He was able to go ham with this one…and that he did! You’d think I would have gotten a yoga-related tattoo since this was a gift to myself for finishing my certification class. Well, the lotus that I have is yoga-related…so that’s handled.

But I had to get something that said so much about me without me having to say anything. I thought a customized Chicago flag was perfect. The placement of my zodiac sign and basketball is intentional. And I love it. Totally worth the pain.

Well, I randomly decided that I want to run a 5K that my gym has every year. Not a big deal, right? Wrong! I hate running when I’m not on a basketball court. I’d rather ride a bike for a 3.1 miles than run. The name of the 5K is “Anyone Can Do A 5K”. Why not me? Training begins tomorrow (Today, as you read this). Y’all pray my strenf!

Rest well, Ellean "Elaine" Wafford-Williams and Sandra Bland.

K to the...

Yogi Chronicles: The Hoopin' Yogi

“One door closes, another opens. You never know who is watching you…and seeing a skill in you that you definitely didn’t see in yourself. That’s a dope feeling.”

I posted this status on August 30th, 2014 (Facebook Timeline is good for something) after having a nice, lengthy conversation with my yoga instructor. Before she excused us from class on this day, she told the class that she would be teaching a certification class and she had flyers for those who would be interested. I go to get a flyer…just to be nosy. As I grabbed the flyer, she looked up and said, “So, you’re ready to start teaching?”

*scratches record* What?

Though I had been taking a more advanced class for about a year, in addition to her class…I didn’t feel I was “experienced” enough to guide others. But, she saw something that I didn’t see in myself. I told her I would think about it and get back to her. It took less than a week to decide to go through with it.

And I'm glad I did.

This past Saturday, I received my certificate of completion. I celebrated by taking a nap (Because...32), then popping the finest Italian bubbly with the peeps that put me on to it. I still have some ongoing training to do (subbing so I can get used to teaching), but there is a good chance I'll have my own beginners' yoga class by the end of the summer.

The class will more than likely be at the gym I go to...which I joined thanks to an ex...who is the reason I started taking yoga. Ain't life funny?

I had created an Instagram page, but I didn’t want to share the information with anyone until I was officially done. I'm not sure where I want to go with the page, but in the meantime...gon’ ‘head and follow TheHoopinYogi. :-)

Namaste.

K to the...

Hey June!

Seems like I was just maxing some Beggar's Pizza while sipping the finest Cabernet Sauvignon while waiting for 2015 to arrive. Look at us now...almost halfway through the year.

I'm officially out of hibernation due to warm weather showing up in Chicago, and having only two classes left until I am certified to teach yoga.

Less than a week after I am done with my classes, I will be on the beach, working on abandoning my light-skinned sisteren and brethren for a few months. I haven't been on a vacation since Italy last September. So this trip, and suntan is long overdue.

A year ago, I was falling in love with someone. Today, I'm falling more in love with myself. Flaws and all.

And my locs are growing.

Post shampoo...pre shrinkage.

Ya bish!

K to the...

Sh*t I Didn't Miss About Social Media During Lent

Everything I that I see on Social Media now that Lent is over.  LOL

OK, let me be a little more #Pacific

• Links to serious-but-dumb-ass GoFundMe campaigns. Nobody wants to fund your personal vacation. 
• Facebook groups for sorors. I'm Sweet Brown to the petty auss discussions I've seen in the groups.
• Condescending posts about single women. 
• People trying to regulate others outrage.

Here ends my 200th blogpost. Whoo-to-the-hoo!

Happy Hump Day!

K to the...

Basketball Chronicles: It's Like I have ESP(N)

Around this time last year, I got into a heated argument with a guy at the gym. Dude reminds me of Patty Mills who plays with the Spurs.

So that’s what I’ll be calling him throughout the post.

Patty and I were on opposing teams, and he's yapping the entire game. His team hits a “game-winner” when really, the shot only put them up by 1 point. After a lot of back-and-forth, I just take the loss and go sit down. I’m Sweet Brown to the excessive arguing.

As I’m gathering my items to go home, Patty proceeds to come to sit right by me and continues talking. He goes “These mother****ers…,” and before he could even finish his statement, I calmly go “First of all, I’m no mother***er. I am a grown woman, so you will address me as such.” He’s still talking, being loud and disrespectful…and I’m steady reiterating that he will address me as the woman that I am with some respect. I'm calm, but I'm fuming on the inside because he has came over by me with the intention of starting mess. The one? I am not.

He must have gotten the point that I was making because ever since that day, he is nice to me every time I've seen him; even when I run into him outside of the gym. I’ve seen him get into arguments with multiple people, but he has yet to try that with me again.

Usually when I get into arguments with guys, they ALWAYS try to flirt sometime later. Never. Fails. Well, Patty made a move on me while we were on the court this past Sunday. -__- Before the game begins, he tells me that he might be an asshole on the court, but he’s a sweetheart in person. I just laugh it off. Then the following happens:

Patty: So can I get those digits? Can I take you out sometime?
Me: Don’t you have a baby on the way? Which means you have a boo, right?
Patty: Well, we can go on a dinner date. Can we go on a lunch date? [Note: Our jobs aren't that far from each other. We've run into each while on lunch.]
Me: *scoffs*

As we were all gathering our items so we can leave, my phone was next to me on the bench. He picks it up and goes “I’m just going to put my number in your phone now.” He sees my phone is locked and goes “I don’t even know your passcode.”

And you won't know my number either. Beat it!

K to the...

Shit I'd Post On Social Media If It Wasn't Lent pt. trois

"Sometimes you need a 90-second dance break to Nelly's 'Na-Nana-Na'. I hit that damn Chickenhead/Monastery like it was nobody's business."

"I think the world needs a new Jazzy Phizzle Product-shizzle, My nizzle. Oh boy!"

Rocking blue at "Rock The RED" #thuglife

"Don't understand calling someone a 'ho' after you've been with them. At some point that 'ho' was your wife. At some point you were in love with that 'ho'. STHU and move on."

Happy 2nd Birthday to my babies! :-D

"'Hood Politics' is like 'Cut You Off pt. 2'"

"Why didn't anyone tell me 'The Little Rascals' is streaming on Netflix Kids?! This is such a wonderful discovery!"

"If I can prep my apt for a party full of drunken adults who spill liquor, surely I can prep my apt for a play date with a 7-month-old, a 9-month-old and two 13-month-olds.

Look at me saying "13-month-olds' instead of '1-year-olds'. #godmotherswag #LaMadrina #BawseStatus "

"As someone who has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in my crib...I must say I've noticed a change. The durability of plastic bags has decreased exponentially in the past few months. I see you, Food 4 Less. I see you."

"This week, someone's 7-month-old goddaughter started waving when you say 'hi'. See...she already got the follow-thru hand motion. 2036 WNBA Draft pick. I'm tryna told y'all!"

"I hate Dwight Howard's haircut."

"No my name ain't baby. It's Kenya. AnditaintMissJacksonifyounastycuzthatsmymomsnameandthatsgross. Kenya will do just fine. Thanks."

"I roll my eyes when the camera constantly goes to her forever-grooving-at-awards-show ass. Like, OK we get it...she is enjoying herself. But I am seriously enjoying this Taylor Swift '1989' album."

"I'll stop listening to this Kendrick one day."