Cubicle Chronicles: Mind Ya Damn Business Edition

Today's installment is about Smart Auss Sally. I believe I referenced her in April's Cubicle Chronicles.

Today, I walked in the gig pretty much on time. Had my bagel, was heading to the kitchen to get some of Lipton's finest. Why is it when I'm heading to the kitchen, someone wants to say some reckless ish to me?

One of my co-workers is a fellow Greek, a Lady of the Crimson and Creme. She and I were discussing a step show and a skating party the Men of the Black and Old Gold have every year. So, I told her I went last year and there were alot of men there; not necessarily men in our age group, but a lot of men.

So I head to the kitchen, and behind me is Smart Auss Sally.

What does she say?

"But you got a man!"

I'm in a relationship, but I'm not blind, heaux! I know what the hell I have! If I recognize men in the place, I'm going to acknowledge men in the place.

MIND YA GAT DAYUM BUSINESS!!!!

UGH, these nosy auss people make me sick!

K to the...

30 Day Challenge: #6 Letter to a stranger

There is a guy who I see on my bus route at least once week; either on my way to work or on my way home. He always have on a football jersey. It's pretty...interesting.


Dear sir,

Do you have anything in your wardrobe besides football jerseys; specifically, the same 4 or 5 football jerseys I see you wear? You're either rocking a Steelers, Bills, Bears, Packers...and another jersey that I can't remember. Or maybe it's just 4? I even notice that you seem to rock the Bears jersey on Mondays. Then you be "on" with the shoes to match. Dirty...yet the colors match.

Do you have any other jerseys...or maybe just a regular shirt? I randomly saw you working while I was on my lunch break two weeks ago[from the day I wrote this]. So I see you wear a uniform at work. Maybe what you wear to work doesn't matter to you. I don't know.

Do you boo! *shrug*

K to the...

30 Day Challenge: #5 Letter to my Dreams

Dear Dreams,

How 'bout you let me remember you when I wake up...instead of when I'm walking to the bus stop on Madison & Wabash. And what's with the sex dreams that seem so real? Get it together.

Feeling violated,

K to the...

30 Day Blog Challenge: #4 Letter to sibling or closest relative

For those who know me, you know about my grandmother...the diva...my Mei-Mei. I started calling her that when I was little, and it stuck...so now everyone calls her that. Anywho, I love all my fam, but if I write a letter to my parents, I have to write a letter to Mei-Mei. :-)

Dear Mei-Mei,

You are THEE flyest grandmother I know, and I don’t just say that because you’re my grandmother. I remember walking around in your heels when I was little, which seems to be a tradition because all of the granddaughters did that. I remember sitting and watching you get dressed; watching a diva at work. Some of your diva traits have passed down to each of your granddaughters. I know you didn’t think I’d go from being a tomboy to loving to rock a fly pair of heels and show my legs. Yes, this is all because of you. But something has been bothering me as I’ve matured into a grown woman and I need to address it.

WHY ARE YOU A SIZE 9 ½ IN SHOES?!?

Mei-Mei, do you know how much I would be slaying h-…I mean, this women if I was able to rock some of those shoes that you have? Some of those high heels that you KNOW you won’t be wearing again…why do you tease my soulspace like this!?!?! This is soooooooooooo unfair! And it's nothing that can be done about this!!!

*kicks shoebox*

That's OK, I'll just buy replicas in an 8 1/2...

After I pay you back for that Alvin Ailey ticket. :-)

Love,

Kenya Danielle

Ok, We Get It: STHU Edition

Lately, there have been recurring topics coming up in my lifespace and I'm at the point where I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm at the point where I'd rather watch a football game in silence because the commentators go on and on...and on about the same thing. I usually shout at the TV "Ok, we get it!"

So today's post is dedicated to those recurring topics.

Ok, we get it...you're natural. I am too...and so were the Cabbage Patch Dolls.

Ok, we get it...you didn't like Tyler Perry's "For Colored Girls". I don't expect you to buy the DVD when it comes out. Matter of fact...

Ok, we get it...you don't like Tyler Perry.

Ok, we get it...there are Black men on the DL who get HIV/AIDS and give them to their spouses. If I have to see this in another movie/TV show...

Ok, we get it...you love/hate Kobe and Lebron James.

Ok, we get it...you want twitter to fix your follower/following/tweet count because the wrong numbers is detrimental to your twitter health. Guess what...#NobodyCaresB

Ok, we get it...racism is still alive.

Ok, we get it...you're tired of these fools out here putting 22s on their cars, living the good life...but still living with their...single black mothers (see last point)

Ok, we get it...you don't like Nicki Minaj or Lil Wayne.

Ok, we get it...you're tired of the "Free [Jailed Rapper]" movement.

Ok, we get it...a lot of the rap music today is wack.

Ok, we get it...you're not gay.

Ok, we get it...you are gay.

Ok, we get it...your sorority/frat is the best and you can't see yourself wearing any other colors. No sheeit...otherwise, you'd be in those other colors. (And this is from someone in a sorority).

Ok, we get it...you have haters. I don't recall reading in Matthew, Mark, Luke OR John about Jesus constantly talking about His haters.

Ok, we get it...Black women are so difficult because we have children out of wedlock, get on welfare, buy our kids Jordans, have high standards, have too many degrees, get relaxers, rock lacefronts, we're too independent, don't cook, rock Skittles-colored hair, consider dating outside of our race, don't give fellatio between 1p - 2p, our number of sex partners is too high for your comfort, we don't like for our hair to get wet, we take birth control, blah blah and more effing blah.

Ok, we get it...you're a [astrological sign] till the day you die. However, you really don't have a choice, do you?

OK, WE GET IT!!!

Anything else I miss? Feel free to share.

30 Day Challenge: #3 Letter to my parents

As you two know, "Jukebox" is one of my many nicknames. Both of you are some music heads; out jukin' while I was in mom's belly chowing down on Leon's BBQ and vanilla ice cream. So it was inevitable that I come out the womb having rhythm and constantly listening to music.

When I was little, I'd watch you two getcha step on. Pops, you were in numerous stepping contests and steady hitting up your Friday night steppers' set. Moms, I'd watch you in the living room jamming to V-103 and at the different house parties we'd go to. Stepping was so easy to you two.

But you know what...I'm a tad bit irritated. Why? Because, after all that watching, I still don't know how to turn properly when I'm stepping!!! You can't call yourself stepping without being able to do a snazzy turn! I have the basic movements...even jazz it up a lil. But when it comes to the turn, I instantly get two left feet. What's up with that, Mom? Dad? Where's my "turn-while-stepping" gene? I can do almost every dance that has come out in the past 10 years...even took a tap dance class last year...yet can't turn?

This needs to change ASAP. Who's gonna show me? You two talk it out, then let me know.

Your oldest,

K to the...

30 Day Challenge: #2 Letter to my crush

From the moment I heard "Spottieottiedopalicous" in h.s., I've been hooked. I was a freshman in college when "Stankonia" came out and to this day, that still album goes hard. I've nickname my humble abode "Stankonia" because of that album. I spent plenty days with the crew sophomore year zoning out to "Aquemini" as blunts were in rotation. No, I didn't smoke...life and music was my high; and maybe a cup of Absolut and papaya juice when it was time to party. Don't judge me, sir.

Then y'all did the unthinkable, and came out with a double album, "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below". I loved both albums, but it was something about yours that resulted in it having more scratches on it than your partner's. At this point, I knew I couldn't call myself an Outkast fan, and not have the first two albums, so I copped (OK, burned) "Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik" & "ATLiens." Yess, you and ya boy have been a major part of my undergrad years.

When y'all came out with "Idlewild," I honestly didn't see it as an album...I saw it as a soundtrack. But regardless, I still bought it and went to see the movie. I swear, I was the only one in the theater geeked up, singing "Moving Cool," word-for-word while everyone else was like "What is this?"

There hasn't been an Outkast album since Idlewild...and I have been fiending. However, you've been featured on some of everyone's joints, From Devin the Dude to Chris Brown...KILLING IT! And your fashion style is inimitable. Some see you as odd, but to me...mmm...I'm going.

But anywho, no more features. I need an album with you on every song...an Outkast album! Come on, Andre 3000...make it happen. And then help me scratch "Seeing Outkast in concert" off my bucket list. :-)

Crushing on you,

K to the...