Wednesday, December 30, 2009

2009 in review...

In today's post, I will outline all I encountered in 2009 that made me the grown auss woman I am today. It's deep...so sit down and stay awhile as you read this list.

Ready?

Seady?

Ok.

I LIVED! Thank you, and good night!

*drops mic*

*takes bow*

*LAUGHING OUT LOUD bka "LOL"*

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Cubicle Chronicles 12.21.9

Good morning everyones and everyones.

Some of you know...I work for a nonprofit organization in the city of Shick-a-go! We're kinda a big deal...fa real. So I take what I do seriously as Senior Queen Princess Duchess of Grant Accounting Greatness.

Anywho, my job moved downtown in October and I have returned to the land of cubicles. No biggie for me, because I've worked in an open area before. But it's pret-ty OBVIOUS some of my coworkers haven't been in Cubicle Land before and was spoiled by the offices we all used to have.

[The previous location was in a hospital dorm. The rooms were converted to offices, so there were 1-2 people in each office.]

So today's post is summary of what I've encountered since being back in Cubicle Land.

1. Run me that number!
When we moved, all the fax machines weren't set-up. I was assigned a fax number, but had no fax machine to go with it. So I go to another fax machine to receive an important fax. I asked the lady who sits by the fax machine for the fax number and the lady told me she couldn't give it to me. Um, lady...this ain't YO fax machine. Run me that damn number. I ended up getting number from someone else. Maybe she just didn't like me cuz my name rhymes with hers and my lips are pink...whereas hers, black rose. *Kanye shrug*

2. Knock before entering
I have a thing about personal space. So when you wanna come around showing me pics of your bald-headed two-year old (pointing out the fact that she's bald-headed, even though I overlooked that), don't be coming up on me whispering sour nothings in my ear talkin' bout "look at my baby!" You betta announce yourself or get clapped up!

3. I can smell that
When I sit down at my desk, I can barely see over the walls, which is cool. The walls block my sight, but they fa damn sho don't block my sense of smell. Folk be spraying air freshener like others cant smell it. And they don't just spray a little...they spray ALOT! Or maybe it seems like a lot because I have a strong nose. Either way, I smell it.

4. Snitches get stitches
My seat isn't too far from the lunchroom. But with the heat being on, and music playing in my left ear...I don't hear much from a far. Well, one day, it got a little loud in the lunchroom...and some lady who isn't even supposed to be sitting on our floor got up and told the folk in the lunchroom they need to lower their voice cuz folk were working. Well, I guess it happened again last week...and the same woman (I'm pretty sure it was her) went to HR...resulting in an email being sent to everyone in our building. Next time I overhear her phone conversation, arguing about some nonsensicality...I'm telling HR!

5. Ay, can you just shut up!
Anyone who knows me knows my career of choice does NOT match my personality. At work, I am quiet...I say good morning, have a little chit chat, but that's it. I have alot of associates and friends, Therefore, not acquiring more at work doesn't hurt my life. So, I don't wanna hear "Imma make you talk"...cuz Imma give yo auss a blank stare, ok?

Well folk...that's just a snippet. I haven't even talked about my constant pain in the auss here at the gig. My nerves obviously regenerate themselves because this dude always seems to be working the last one!

Anywho, till the next Cubicle Chronicles..."you stay classy San Diego."

K to the...

P.S. This post was bought to you by CTA bus route #26. It wasn't packed, so I was able to type without folk looking all in my phone.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Thoughtless Thursday 12.10.9

I've been slacking like a mofo on this here. Well I've been busier than *insert random, ignant auss comparison here*

First, let me say my birthday weekend was fantabulous. 1800 and Ciroc were my friends for the night...and there were no Westerns* that night. I had a nice four-day weekend of chillaxation...and Wii!

Yaaaayyyyy-yer!

Anywho, on Tuesday, when I returned to work, my wanna-be superior had me having a straight hissy fit. I mean, I went in HARD on him on Twitter for a good 5 minutes.

Long story short, he took what I did...made some adjustments, and then tried to pass it off as something he did. Furthermore, he tried to explain to ME what HE did...like the ish was new to me.

Negro please!

I know this has happened to some of you before...someone tryna take credit for your ish. The next time that happens to you...

...take a cue from Stewie below!





K to the...

*Western = Throwing up. Derives from a road trip to Western Illinois University last October. One of my girls forgot to eat before we drank...and she threw up bka "pulling a Western".

Friday, December 4, 2009

GO SHAWTY...

IT'S MY MUTHALUVING BIRTHDAY

And, for once, I won't lie about my age in a post.

I was born 12/4/82...that's right, 27 years ago!

Call me old if you want...I still look younger than you, witcha 21 year old auss! lol

I tried to have a combo birthday party with Jay-Z, but he's so busy...not returning my calls.

Wait, Ion't even have his number!

Well, let me get back to doing absolutely NOTHING!

Have a good weekend everyone!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Mystery Monday 11.30.9

Good morning all!

I was on some true ignant ish last night and was tweeting my thoughts of the BET Awards 2009 Winter Edition bka the Soul Train Awards.

But after watching the awards last night, I can't help but to wonder. So maybe you wonderfer people can help me out.

Ready?

Seady?

How can a show that hasn't come in years have an awards show?
How can the person who is the creator of the show NOT be at the awards show?
Why won't Debra Lee go sit down?

That is all. Happy Monday!

P.S. The anniversary of me arriving on earth this week...countdown is ON, snitchessssssssss!

P.P.S. Follow me on Twitter...KDW824

P.P.S.S. Nothing, just wanted to type "P.P.S.S."

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"Funny, how time flies when you're having fun..."

Good [insert time of day you're reading this HERE] everyone!

The day thanks and gluttony is almost amongst us!

I'd like to send a big UGH to my co-worker who is on vacay till next Monday! She put up her Christmas decorations, forcing me to look at garland on top of the cubicle wall we share since last Tuesday. She even gave me some left over garland to use on my desk. I threw that ish in BACK of my bottom drawer.

I LOVE the holiday season, but I can politely wait till AFTER Thanksgiving to decorate...

I don't decorate my office space for the holidays anyway, sooo...

Moving along.

I always get this giddy feeling in my tum-tum around this time of the year. Never fails...like clockwork. You have Thanksgiving...official beginning of the holiday season the next day...and some 8-13 days after Thanksgiving...it's my birthday!

But this year it's different. I have this giddy feeling, along with so many memories of what I've done during this 24th* year of my life.

If you know me and have me saved as a friend on facebook....then you already know!!! I definitesly (Yeah, defiNITESly) got it** in this year! January through April, I was gone at LEAST one weekend out the month. I mean, I was gone so much in March, my ComEd bill was under $20.

It was THAT serious.

And if I wasn't out of town, I was getting it** in right cheah in Shick-A-Go.

What's my point?

Time definitely does fly when you're having fun.

And my time is on a space shuttle to the moon, son!

So, I say to you:
My family
4T's & an N
WY Dolphins
BU Braves
OTB
Sorors

Sawrahs (That dayum chapter, Phabulous & Phly)
Krewe of Treachery
and everyone else I've kicked it with***

thanks for joining me on the ride! :-)

K to the...

*I'm going to stop this lie on my birthday...and start a new lie & say I'm 25. Thanks
** I still don't know what "it" is
*** Look, I can kick it and ACK a fool with just about anyone. But because I care, if you want a special shout out, I'll shout you out in the comment section. (You big baby! lol)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

"Where they do that at?" Wednesday

Let me just say that I do not use the phrase in my title on a regular basis. Was just trying to stick with the alliteration, ok?

Anywho, I have a random question for yall and I need an answer.

Is it rude to expel gas in a public restroom?

And if it isn't, then why do I be in the bathroom tryna hold-in any expulsion that may occur so folk don't be thinking "Girl, she gots some serious gas"; so folk won't give me the side-eye when I come out the stall to wash my hands.

Ladies, don't you dare ACK like it's just me.

So I ask you, wonderful people...

To poot or not to poot in a public restroom?

That is the question!

K to the...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Thoughtful Thursday 11.12.09

May the things that make me Sigma
Be the things that guide my day,
May the torch of dear Aurora
Light the path along my way.
May my life be so exemplary
That everyone will know
Just by my deeds, that I am
Apart of Sigma Gamma Rho.


-Soror Eleanor Richardson

QUALITY OVER QUANTITY!!!

Happy Founders' Day, SoRHOrs!!!


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Thoughtless Tuesday 11.10.9

What up folk (No G.D.)!

This post is absolutely thoughtless...so...um...yeah...read on!

Today's date is indeed 11/10/09...11.10.9.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of WTF...Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

Thursday is my sorority's founders' day. If you randomly spot someone on Thursday at ya work place rocking royal blue and antique gold...let her have her 1922 seconds of glory, ok?

Sammy Sosa is turning white. Ok, ok, ok...I know it's a possible skin condition. Calm down...calm down.

Katt Williams got arrested, with a mugshot looking like he was saying "I am so happy to be here." (Yess, Akeem)

A CTA bus crashed into someone's home this morning. Glad nobody was seriously hurt, but the driver took curbside service to a whole 'nother level.

The Critters of the Midway known as the Bears just can't get right.

I have yet to watch a Bulls' game this season! *hangs head in shame*

I honestly don't see what's funny when I tell folk I'm taking a dance class.

And I learned, today due to minimal tolerance I have today, that there is a such thing as a dumb question...no, a dumb@$$ question!

That is all for today. My mind is clouded with mucus and paradiddles*. lol

K to the...

*Look it up!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Thoughtless Tuesday 11.3.09

These thoughtless thoughts on this Tuesday are brought to you by Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate. America runs on it because there’s crack in it!

Ya know what…I pulled that Left Eye costume off better than I thought I would. Ion’t care what anyone says. I wish I had the bright color pants…but the aura was there!


Ya know what…there’s a reason you’re a former (ex b/f, ex boo, ex dipetc) so there’s no need for you to keep tabs on my love life. Yo initials ain't "LP", so get some business.

Ya know what…anyone with whom you can have the most random convos…from different types of turds to the “tackle and berries” ratio is definitely a BFF, like “LP”. Lol

Ya know what…you ain’t right for sending pics of your phallus to my email…and then a month later you’re engaged. Isn’t that being kinda rude to your g/f-turned-fiancĂ©e?

Ya know what…if you’re on the verge of getting your AARP card and you tryna start s#!t over the internet…go sit yo auss down, file for your SSI before you break your damn hip. Leave that for the under 21 crowd. Twitter, nor facebook, makes you hard cuz you, unlike a real man, won’t say ish when I’m in your face!

Ya know what…you ain’t right, C. Breezy for that album cover. It’s “wiggity wack”, which leads to..
Ya know what…where the hell is Kris Kross?

Ya know what…730a is too early for you to be on the phone, talking loud on the CTA about “You tryna go smoke…you only got $3?”

Ya know what…the nonverbal ALWAYS speak louder than the verbals. Just ask the little negroid who I shut up…twice…on the court yesterday without saying a word.

Ya know what…there comes a point when your sorors aren’t just sorors anymore. You actually consider them to be your friends…and I’ve experienced that with quite a few of my sorors.

Ya know what…I really wish my coworker would stop laughing when he’s telling a story. It’s never funny… and causes me to look at him like this…expressionless!


How grant reports are funny, Ion’t know. Maybe he reads em in a comedian voice. *Kanye shrug*

Ya know what…I have the biggest crush on my dance instructor, I can barely give him eye contact in class. I love a dark-skinned man with fresh locs. My instructor is light-skinned with a bald head. *swoons*

Ya know what…it annoys me when I can’t listen to music on the bus without adjusting my earplugs every 3 minutes. The hole leading to my ear canal is too small. *pause* lol Get ya mind out the gutter…

Ya know what…being complimented by a man with no ulterior motive is the best thing in the world. I was called gorgeous this morning as I grabbed the crack known as Dunkin Donuts' hot chocolate.

Ya know what…I might feel, at times, like strangling one of my exes, but being forced to watch football when we were together and listen to him sound like the adults on Charlie Brown when talking about fantasy football made me appreciate the sport even more. And seeing those toight booties in the toight pants being toight like a tiger isn’t bad either. *drools*

Ya know what…if I don’t get back to Nawlins ASAP, it’s gonna be trouble!

Ya know what…I have my own clippers and I line my neck every two weeks because the clippers my beautician uses makes my neck look like she was playing tic tac toe on my neck.

Ya know what…Twitter really is the devil. But it keeps me entertained!

Ya know what…I think my job needs to get a fb page, so then fb won’t be blocked at the job. I mean, they’re on Twitter! *side eye*

Ya know what…my birthday is a month away, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

Ya know what…next time a homeless person asks me for $.75, I’m gonna give a $1. And if they ask the next person for $.75, I’m taking my damn dollar back. Just call me an “Indian giver.”

Ya know what…looks definitely AREN’T everything! I almost reverted back to a former, but thought about the b-a-ness displayed, and decided to just leave that alone. Lol

Ya know what…it seems to be perfectly normal to spend $8 on lunch in downtown Shick-A-Go. I can’t go…not EVERYday! Gonna have to pick a Hot Pocket, son!

Ya know what…lady, we’re in the same room, so lower ya d@mn voice. Running up my light bill.

Ya know what…the meeting was scheduled to be over at 12:30p. You still asking questions at 12:43p. Shat up!

Ya know what...I think I somewhat cussed at my mom on Sunday. She explained a situation to me and I was like “So you almost sharted on yourself?” Now, we all know what a shart is…so, yeah…I think I kinda sorta maybe but not really cussed at my mom. lol

Ya know what...I'm done!


K to the...

Sunday, November 1, 2009

"But patience is a virtue, being anxious just might hurt you..."

*This post has been chillin as a draft since September 30th! *tsk tsk* Well, I don't have anything else to do...so here it goes.*

Well, December will make three years since the last time I had a relaxer. See...I didn't do it to try to seem "more black". I mean, I'm light-skinned...and tans fade away. So, technically...I can't get "more black"!

This whole going natural thing started off as me trying to see how long I could go without a relaxer. After a year, I decided to just *points to barrel of water* gon' head & keep the party going. Now I'm debating on if I want locs, eventually.

But before I do that, I'm the process of growing out this "custom" color my beautician put in my head beginning in '07. I say "custom" because that's exactly what my beautician said when I asked her the name of the color. Look, I don't need folk to lie to me to make me feel special. I see the damn color on a Dark 'N Lovely kit at Soo Kim' Beauty Supply. Don't do me, lady! *side eye* So anywho, after this color is grown out, then I'll decide on what's next. That's alot of waiting...alot of patience!

As I approach the 24th year* of my life (Sagittarians, stand up!) I realize more and more each day that if you really want something, it's not going to come to you when you want. It's going to come on God's time. So in the meantime, you gotta practice patience. From joining a sorority to finally being able to take a tap dance class 20 years after seeing "Tap"...I have the patience of an effing** saint!

It's in my blood son!

K to the...

*iLie again.
** Is it blasphemous to use this euphemism before the word "saint"?

P.S. Cool points to whomever can tell me from what song this post's title comes.

Monday, October 26, 2009

"Straight up...pimpin, if you want me you can find me in the A!"

I know, I know...I'm slacking with my posts.

Dangit, I said I KNOW!

As you can see from the title of this post, I'm in the A for training for work. Not bad, not bad. They do need to put a Waffle House downtown, though. Then maybe...JUST maybe, I could eat Waffle House for the first time while sober...and before midnight.

Don't judge me.

Anywho, I spent time with some of my favorite girls Friday AND Saturday.. and boy did I have a blast. So much of a blast, I can't even be upset that I lost my phone, which was like a computer on my hip.

Anywho, after spending time with my peeps...I must say that I am fortunate to have these young women in my life. So for the women out there who always say "I only hang with guys, I don't hang with females...too much drama"...

It's real unfortunate that you don't have girls like I do.

K to the...

P.S. If anyone can tell me what comes on USA during the week at 6p EST, that would grand. I swear, every time I look up...they freaking. Dang, at least wait till the sun goes down...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Message Monday 10.19.9

Hey young world,

I'm a bit late with the post today. I was off on Friday, so I had to do work. Yeah, I know...shut my mouth WIDE open!!!

So today for lunch, I had a dee-lish and ever-so-filling-one-course meal for lunch.

A Hot Pocket!

You jealous?

So anywho, my dessert of choice was a 6-pack of the classic mini donuts...POWDERED! Now we all know, these donuts are messy as "that thang"*. To top it all off, I have on dark pants today. So I already know to be wary of how the donuts are being devoured so I won't have folk on the bus looking at my pants like I got some "afternoon delight" bast** on my pants.

So today I'd like to share with you a surefire way to eat powdered donuts without looking like you've been "Lewinskyed"

Have a napkin with you, a bottle of water, and rock one of THESE in your favorite color.

It works! I'm on donut #4 and it ain't a stain on me!!! lol Get like me!

K to the...

* - I still don't know what "that thang" is
** - Past tense of "bust". Look it up!***
*** - iKeed...but you were gonna do it, weren't you?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"...cuz I love you to life...you a teenager, so you might not want my advice.."

Good morning folk (No G.D.)

This morning's random post is inspired by a serious talk I had with my little sister after she turned 14 a couple months ago. Seeing as though I'm 22*, that means I've been where she is now. So, today, I thought I'd share some words of wisdom that you, too, can tell your teenage-sister when it's time to have "The Talk."

Ready?

Seady?

ok.

"Don't have sex...or your vajayjay will fall out!"

Then give em this look

Good day!

K to the...
*iLie

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"'Stank stank' means you got the funkiest..."

First let me say, writing a blog can be time consuming...especially when you're trying to update at work and folk try to give you work to do. Oh, you want me to EARN this salary, sir? Earn deez!

So today's Hump Day post isn't as haphazard as others. But I think speaking on this will make the world a better place...for you, me and the entire human race (Yess, Michael)

I have a strong nose, so some ish I smell can be really detrimental to my nose hairs at times. Look, I know everyone has their bad breath moments...I am no exception! But when those moments occur more than usual e'ryday, then dangit, something needs to be done!

Every morning, this guy comes in my office and seems to forget to take his bad breath with him when he leaves. It's like he uses every word that has the 'h' syllable, causing him to exert more breath when he talks; and he talks ALOT. I don't even want to stand face to face with him to talk.

It's that serrus!

I'd like to think I'm a pretty tactful person. But when it comes to breath so bad, it can gag a donkey...I just don't know what to say. I mean, unless you are a monkey, the top lip is usually no more than an inch from your nostrils. So you mean to tell me these people can't smell what's being emitted through their oral orifice?

So, how do you say, "Ay man, yo breath be kickin'...may I interest you in a lifetime supply of Stride" without having to duck because they're trying to tell you what the fingers said to the face?

With me returning to the world of public transportation...I know I'm gonna encounter even MORE of the Bad Breath Bobs and Bettys.

I guess I'll just continue to hold my breath, and pray I don't pass out!

K to the...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

"And I wonder..." 10.6.9

You ever feel like you just care too much?

That's exactly how I've been feeling lately, and I just can't shake it. Like the weight of the world is on my shoulder.

For once, I'd like to be a b*tch not care, but I can't. It's the Sagittarius in me.

Care for DEEZ!

K to the...

P.S. Yess, two posts two days in a row. Tomorrow's Wednesday...you know what that means! That's right...Hump Day Haphazardness *Giggity*

Monday, October 5, 2009

"People never get the flowers, while they can still smell 'em..."

I have been busier than a one-legged punt kicker at the gig the past couple of weeks. We're moving downtown...and beginning to use new accounting software. So that means I've had to EARN my pay. Yeah, I know...who does that in the land of cubicles. :-)

My city, Chi-City, has been in the news in a bad spotlight for the past two weeks with the violence. Yesterday, the violence hit close to home with the loss of a colleague of mine. I was speechless and hurt as I held the phone at 843a hearing this terrible news. But it hurt even more to see how others were dealing with the loss...from my sorors to my fellow Carnations (T.S.O.P.) to Greeks to Bradley Braves to Chicagoans.

Based on all the facebook statuses, notes, and even my memories...he left behind a legacy of being a father of two, a son, a man of Phi Beta Sigma, a Mason, and most importantly a man full of life who was fun to be around, cared for others, and blew your mind with his intelligence. Quite simply, and pardon my French (which is really English), he was THAT NI**A!

So today, I ask you...

What will your legacy be when you're gone?

Good morning!

K to the...

Monday, September 28, 2009

"..if not so, I'll be too too bad...when it comes to pink polka dots and plaid.."

Last week I said "They should never gave you niggas money...webcams and twitter."

Guess who's on Twitter now!

*smacks forehead*

Why? I was bored Friday night after din-din! Oknomorequestions!

There are times (ok, everyday) when I have random, ignant thoughts running through my head. And since I care, I don't want to take over folk's newsfeeds on fb by constantly updating my status. It grinds my gears when folk do that! So now, I can just tweet those multiple thoughts.

I can't believe I just used "I" and "tweet" in the same sentence.

So I'm at kdw824. Since my profile isn't set to private...you can still check me out without having an account.

Am I a hypocrite? Yess! I have stepped over to the dark side. Hey...at least I admitted it.

Am I an addict? Nah! I purposely don't have updates coming to my phone...so excuse my CPT responses if you @'ing me.

Yeah, I said "@'ing"

Have Marvelous Monday, everyone...and hug your neighbor. You may never know when you'll need some sugar for that Kool-Aid. The red "flavor" of course. ;-)

K to the...

P.S. Eight cool points to the person that knows where the title of this post comes from. Bonus cool points for those who've caught on to the titles of my previous posts.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Could it be I stayed away too long..."

Ladies, gents, cats, dogs and parrots too...lend me your optical orifice!!!

It's Wednesday! It's a Hump Day! *giggity...awriiight* So today I bring you some Hump Day Haphazardness.

a) I'm willing to bet 2 pennies that the people who can't park in between the lines in parking lots...were the same ones who couldn't color inside the lines in kindergarten!

2) Who's brilliant idea was it to show the Michael Jackson movie for ONLY two weeks? I mean do they not know of this man's impact on the universe? Even E.T. and ALF are coming back for this show.

C) They shoulda never gave you niggas money...webcams (Stephon Marbury) and Twitter (Fabolous)
Cc) Why do I know all about the goings ons of twitter, and I'm not even on there!?!?

IV) People who updated their crackbook statuses and twitter simultaneously are lazy! I mean, nobody on crackbook cares about what you're saying to "@uknouwantdis"

E) I swear, EVERY speech Obama has given has been broadcasted. At least once a week, on msnbc.com, there's a link to a speech he's about to give that can be watched live. I even saw a link to a speech he was giving his daughters after they had their firsts tests at their new school. WT!
Ee) Why are they writing a book about the Obamas' marriage? Did anyone write one about the Clintons' seeing as though good ole Bill had relations with that woman?

VI) I hope as Chris Brown tries to "clean up" his image, he gets some speech lessons and do exercises that will help him with his memory. Juicy mouthed with a touch of amnesia...not a good combo, CBreezy.
"I don't remember anything...like wow...wow...I don't remember...it was like wow...wow"

Definitely need more people!

G) I've heard of people doing some stupid ish, but making up email accounts to send "anonymous" emails is just plain stupid. Words of wisdom: the email can be traced back to the computer from which the email was sent. *Cue DJ Nehptes "You Big Dummy" juke mix* Let's smarten up, dummies.

viii) What is up with all these superstars getting exposed with these naked pics or sex tapes?

9) I have come across some of the weirdest/funniest internet lingo from NTTAWWT (Not that there's anything wrong with that) to WTDTA (Where they do that at?) to 2520. I can see it already, my mini-me coming home from kindergarten talking like this: "Ma, DYK that Kendal, was EUATC today and he GIT and had to SITC.
Translations: Ma, did you know that Kendal was eating up all the cookies today and got in trouble and had to sit in the corner (Not "sex in the city")

Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

K to the...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

"Everyday a star is born...clap for 'em, clap for 'em...heeey!"

It's Tuesday and ya girl is feeling good. I mean, snoozing for only an hour as opposed to an hour and half can really change your mood in the morning. *side eye*

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE music. This love of music goes back to when I was younger....I'm talking during my gestational age. Yess, it's that serious. I remember it vividly*...February 1980-something, mmkay? Moms and Pops was jukin all while I was chillin in the womb...it was only right that I came out doing the same.

So, when the Troll was still losing teeth on the regular, she was taking dance classes. Well about 3-4 years ago, she took a form of dance and at the recital, I finally broke my silence and told my grandmother I always wanted to take this sorta dance class. She berated me for not saying anything. What is this form of dance?

Tap!

CHALLOOOOOOOOOOOOONGE! *sprinkles powder on floor*

In 1989, Gregory Hines, Sammy Davis Jr and a young Savion Glover starred in the movie named "Tap". It was something about the sounds these guys made with their feet that interested me. Ion't know what it was, but ever since I saw this movie, I've been intrigued!

So here I am, 20 years later...this evening...going to my 2nd day of tap class. And I am geeked!!! If I can get some metal plates on some NIKE Vandals...it's on!!!

My beautician asked "Are you running out of things to do with your life?" I thought it was pretty funny. But no, I'm not running out of things to do with my life. Geez I'm only 22*!!! But if there is something I really want to do...I'm going to do it.

And I'm going to excel!!!

Like my guy, Real T@lk said, "I'm secretly the $#!t, and you don't even know it yet!"

So today I say, if you had your mind set on doing something...go for it. I'm tryna scratch things off my bucket list...you should do the same!

PULPIT...and of course...CHUUUCH!!!

K to the...

*iLie

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

"There'll always be haters, that's the way it is..."

I saw comments on a friend's status this morning and I was inspired to speak on one of the words in the title of today's post. Like I say, "There's always one." I''m talking about:

Haters

I describe a hater as a person who secretly wants what you have, but since they don't...they proceed to diss in order to make themselves feel better for lacking. A hater can also be describe as someone whose a Debbie Downer or Bitter Bobby that always has something negative to say about your positive. I like to call these folk P.A.I.s*! Here's an example of something a true hater would say: "Look at this chick with her full-time job and trying to make moves. She's always smiling for some reason. She's cool with everyone! Look at her over there...just happy. I can't stand her!!!"

Please note, my definition does not include someone who doesn't agree with something you say. I see this is when the supposed haterism seems to come into play. Maybe I'm naive, but I'd like to think we, as adults, should be able to handle these little things in life called OPINIONS! So if I say blue is the best color, and you say green is...I wont call you a hater! I'll just call you color-blind.

iKeed

So today, I beggeth you, my fellow readers...stop calling EVERYONE a hater and thinking everyone is hating on you. Katt Williams tells folk to reach a "hater quota" and folk just run rampant with it. Ugh! Maybe folk just don't want to hear you constantly talking about yourself. Or maybe...just maybe, folk simply don't like or too much care for you.

And that's fine.

I'm cool with ALOT of folk; then there are a select few I could do without in my life. Does that make me a hater? No! I can still be cordial, but as far as kickin' it, braiding each other's hair at sleepovers...negative!

I honestly don't know who all is hating on me...and personally, I don't care and I don't dwell on it. If you dwell so much on your "haters"...then you will become one...hating on those supposedly hating on you.

So I say..."Just live ya life!!!"

Heeeeeeyyy eeeeyyyy eey eeyyyyyy eey eeyyyyyy (Yess, Ms. Fenty)

Some of you may call my post hating on those who think they always have someone hating on them.

To you, I say...

SO!

That is all.

K to the...

*Pessimistic Auss Individuals. However, the "P" and "I" can be substituted...depending on one's mood.

Monday, September 14, 2009

"You think yo ish don't stink...but you are (Mr)s P.U...."

So everyone is talking about the VMAs and what 'Ye did last night. I just got one question:

What do you think was in 'Ye's cup last night?

I saw a pic of 'Ye with a bottle of Hennessy in his hand, but..."Man Naw" (Word to the Troll*)! He had to have been drinking something else before he brought the Hennessy. I think 'Ye was sipping on a Blue M'F'er. Four those who haven't indulged in "The Blue", let me explain. It's a DRANK that has four types of liquor in it...ToKillYa, Vodka, Gin & Rum topped off with some Blue Curacao! Two of them gets me roight and toight...

...like a tiger (Yess, Goldmember)!

So I think 'Ye may have had 3 of them.

What do yall think 'Ye was sipping on?

K to the...

*Lil sis

Thursday, September 10, 2009

"...my sign is a Sag...this is just what I planned to do...oh don't be mad"

Yess, the title is a quote from Jay-Z.

Yess, I'm a Sagittarian!

Yess, Jay-Z and I have the same birthday!

Yess, I LOVE Blueprint 3!

Yess, I bought it the morning it came out and was ONLY 10 minutes late for work

Yess, I don't know what your life is about if you're a fan, and you don't have this album in your possession!

Yess, you are cheap for trying to download it or get it "for the low"...and not pay the $10...and you have a steady job!

YESS!!!

Blueprint 3...CLASSIC!

Yess, someone disagrees.

Yess, I really don't care. lol

Hug a simple person today! Sometimes the world is just too complex for some.

Happy Thursday!

K to the...

Monday, September 7, 2009

"...go 'head and breathe it in like antihistamine."

Tomorrow is back to the real world for me, and I am SO ready. I was out sick with "strippers' throat"* pretty much all last week. So it feels good to burn some gas making that 30 minute drive to the gig.

Being out with nothing to do but watch Maury and catch Grey's Anatomy on Lifetime at 5p *wink*, I had a lot of time to think about ish. And if you really know me, then you know my mind is CONSTANTLY going.

Let me just say, being single when you're sick is the wackest ish EVER! Not saying I don't appreciate my family and friends, because I do. My best friend came by and brought me some soup...and she had just had the pee-new-moan-ya** a few weeks prior. But, neither my mom nor best friend can rub on my booty cuddle with me and tell me it'll all be better. That was the first time I was sick while living on my own, so it just sucked all around.

And I felt lonely!

That's right. I have alot of pride when it comes to my feelings towards men. I can cut a nigga off in a minute, but it takes ALOT for me to admit when I'm hurt by someone I really cared about. Guys who bribe me with basketball shorts don't fit into this category. *snicker* So I'm saying it...

I was feeling lonely last week for a couple days!

In my fantastically random mindset, "lonely" and "alone" can be broken down as follows:

Alone - By one's self
Lonely - By one's self, saddened by the fact you have nobody around to stroke your ego face and tell you "If you die, I'll kill ya, ya hear?" "I don't think you're beautiful, I think you're beyond it." "You complete me!"

But anywho, I said all that to say this...I'm joining a convent! I won't have to worry about anything concerning men because...I would be asexual. Then I won't have to worry about anything besides changing my underwear since my clothes are pretty much picked out! Now, that's the life, son!

iKeed

This morning when I watched the sunrise for the last unofficial day of the summer, I asked God to continue to give me patience as I wait for the right one to come along for me. Folk always say "Let go, and let God"...well, I did that, so I'm done dwelling on it.

Hopefully.

Until that one comes long for me, I'll continue to be entertained by niggas begging me to be their friends on facebook because they care about me being their friend!

Maybe I'll copy that message thread in my next post.

*giggles*

K to the...

*Strep throat. When my girl said she heard I had "strippers' throat," I died inside...because it hurt my throat to laugh out loud. :-)
**Pneumonia <----the correct spelling is just too damn unorthodox

Thursday, September 3, 2009

"Muthaluva I'm ILL, not SICK...and I'm ok..."

Because laughter always makes me feel better (in addition to antibiotics), here's some funny ish I've been watching today. Not much fantastical randomocity going on this week...just tryna get well!

Enjoy the vids!

Where the cookies and s#!t?!?


Ke-ke....we at yo funeral!


Not just the city, the world, Craig! Been jacked by Santa Claus...


We don't need to run coordinator...

Monday, August 31, 2009

Hot fun in the summertime (NOT!)

[I usually confess my love/disdain, for summer via a fb status. But...I didn't want to change my status. lol Blogs ARE good for sum'n]

Dear Summer,

I just might be coming down with a cold. I would LOVE to call it a summer cold...

BUT I CAN'T!

Why for what? Cuz you didn't show up for work like you were supposed! You're like the Milli Vanilli of seasons! Chicago hasn't seen any paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarts* of a 100 degree heat index!

*stacks fists*

On my momma, yo auss is grass!

K to the...

*Kill yo self if you don't know where this comes from

Friday, August 28, 2009

Fookery for your Friday!

I have been on this earth for 300+ months and I swear of all my homies from way back when...I'm the only one who isn't booed up! Makes me no never mind...my time will come. However, the following textvo below is one of the reasons why I feel my time has NOT come just yet. I pray to 8lb, 6oz Baby Jesus my future son isn't as dumb as this negro!

Background: I met this nimcumpoop while hooping at the gym a couple weeks ago. Well, he caught a bish fit (after a week of knowing each other) because I asked him a question in order to gain clarity on a question he asked me. Well...he hung up on me! I told him to lose my number, which he claimed he already deleted from his phone. AWESOME! The following textvo let's me know it was all a LIE!

*side note* This has been copied and pasted verbatim from my inbox...no editing. This is raw (no sushi) footage here, ladies and gents!!!
*side note #2* You will know who's said what. And yess...that is how his name is saved in my phone


Asshole-DNA* (4:20 PM):Hey u
Me (4:30 PM):hi
Asshole-DNA (4:31 PM):How r u I just thought about u so I thought I would check on u
Me (4:32 PM):I'm cool
Asshole-DNA (4:37 PM):That's good to know im sorry we got off to a bad start but I really wanted to get to know u
Me (4:38 PM):You blew your chance...
Asshole-DNA (4:40 PM):Wow that's harsh idk y I didn't even do aything
Me (4:52 PM):You hung up in my face. I guess thats nothing to you...
Asshole-DNA (4:53 PM):N im sorry and didn't mean too it was chlidish
Me (4:55 PM):Ok. ANd like I said earlier, you blew your chance...
Asshole-DNA (4:57 PM):Ok well that sucks there aint nothing I can do ??? U can have them shorts u like or we can shoot to give me a fresh start
Me (4:59 PM):nope
Asshole-DNA (5:00 PM):Well u still old me dinner that I do know n u must got another guy or something but its good
Me (5:01 PM):That bet is null and void...and I'm still single...thank you.
Asshole-DNA (5:02 PM):Wow u just void my award for winning that sucks
Me (5:07 PM):What makes you think I'd still wanna go to dinner with you...gotdamnyou're funny.
Asshole-DNA (5:08 PM):Oh ok wow ill just leave u alone ur mean I was just tryna b cool
Me (5:13 PM):ok

Yess, this ninja bribed me with some effing basketball shorts...then still expected me to go to dinner with him! And he's 23...he was doomed from the start. But nothing wrong with being friends, right? I was gonna see him on the reg at the gym, anyway!

My auss has been totally off since yesterday @ 4:57p...I don't think I can laugh it off anymore!!!

Do I feel bad for posting this on a public blog and putting him on blast?

I'm gonna go with "Hell No" for $500 Alex!!!

Watch I see this bastard next week! *sigh*

Happy Friday Everyones...and everyones!

K to the...

*DNA = Do Not Answer...for those of you who don't have the pleasure of having stalkers in your life.




Wednesday, August 26, 2009

You on the other side of the glass, of my memory's museum...


Good morning pimps and pimpettes. Going along with the title of this here ya dig I've started, today I bring you a (hopefully) weekly edition of Random Rants.

Aaaaannnnnd....ACTION!

a.) What was handed to Chris Brown was a bit much...compared to what other futhamuckas have received after beating their women REPEATEDLY, including endangering the life of children. If it wasn't Rihanna, I don't think his punishment would have been as much. I'm not condoning D.V. in anyway, but I'm just saying...

2.) My grandmother tells me THEE funniest stories about me as a child. Today's story: At the tender age of 3, while visiting a family friend, I had on sandals and my feet got dirty. I went to tell my mom and she said "Get over it!". Luckily, Mei-Mei* had my back...and we went to wipe off my feet. If it wasn't for that save, I would be walking around thinking it's ok for my feet to look like this:


c.) I got my first tat back in May! The whole time I was getting tatted, I had THEE ugliest frown on my face saying "I'm not doing this again," but secretly plotting on where the next tat was going to be. I've decided...hand prints on the butt cheeks!!!**

iv.) I love Beyonce, but she bogus for the "I Am..." concert being the same as the "Beyonce Experience." Either way, I'm still buying the "I Am..." DVD when it comes out. Call me ka-razy if you want...cuz I don't know karate.

5.) The following phrases/words irk me!
  • "I got so much swagger, I swear swagger tryna sue me" [side-eye to Weezy]
  • "Get it in..." [What is "it"?]
  • "I'm going ham..." [Still don't understand the metaphoric use of "ham"]
  • "She's such a ham.." [So she likes to sit on the table, honey glazed, with pineapples on top]
  • Hubby [What is he, a lost Teletubby?]
  • Wifey [Darn you, RL!]
  • Pineapple [OK, not really]
f.) I think folk should give props to people who aren't married with kids, instead of side-eyeing asking what's wrong with me because I'm alone. Alone doesn't equate to lonely, numbnuts!!! You think it's easy filtering through the shullbit that comes my way as a single woman everyday in the 21st century? Why can't I have an "Not having a wedding" shower or a "not having a baby" shower? HEH!?!? Where's the gift registry for the single folk, Wal-Mart!?!

VII.) I don't care for all the hype about Amber Rose (And please, don't try to elaborate), but seeing her stomach motivated me to get back on my abdominals, son! lol

8.) Saturday marks the 4 year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. I was in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and STILL saw some of the effects of the storm. I didn't make it to the 9th ward, but I wonder what it looks like now...

I.) My girls and I came up with this theory after we graduated from college and it hasn't been proven wrong yet: If a man is at least three years older than you, he's mentally as mature as you are. Waiting for someone to prove this theory wrong...just once!

X.) I know I'm not the only person who feels responsibility is nonexistent when returning to the university from which they've graduated. I make my return to my Alma mater this weekend and I must say..."Keke" will make an appearance.


That is all, for now. Feel free to share any random rants you may have! Post it in the comments section of the blog (facebook lurkers) and make me look important feel special. lol j/k

Naw, I'm fa serious. lol j/k

Ok, I'm not j/k

:-)

*Mei-Mei is my divalicious grandmother. And she doesn't give a hoot what you think of her because: "I'm 71-year-old...I'm just happy to still be here!" Some of my spunk comes from her....
**Kill yourself if you thought I was fa serious!


K to the...


Monday, August 24, 2009

I've said 25,896 times before, and I'll say it again...

This blog was inspired by what was in my work mailbox this sunny Monday morning! Today I ask:

Why don't people READ?

The phrase "reading is fundamental" has been embedded in my brain since I was a baby genius reading at the age of 2 grammar school. When one reads, it eliminates the side-eye he or she will receive because they asked a dumb question that wouldn't have been asked if you would just read!

And you wouldn't wanna receive a side-eye like this, would ya?
http://www.igville.com/2009/05/lethal-side-eye.html

So I work for a nonprofit organization*. Since we receive money from the guv'ment...it's a must that we get audited. So the auditors are auditing one of the federal grants I'm in charge of. Yeah, that's right, "in charge of"...I'm kinda the shiznit around these parts, son!!!

Ok...maybe just the 'nit.

Anywho, the auditors need to see copies of paystubs the employees receive to confirm that the employees were paid. I talked to a lady in HR about the auditors request...AND sent an email with a list attached. A week and a half later and what do I find in my mailbox this morning?

Timecards

Can someone explain this equation: Paystubs = Timecards

So now I have to go to the auditors and tell them ONCE AGAIN...I still don't have what they're looking for. This is some shullbit (Word to 'Kast)!

Thank you...and goodnight!

K to the...


*Nonprofit organization is an organization which is service-oriented, not operating for the sole purpose of making money i.e. hospitals, universities (Bradley U, my Alma mater, is an exception). Yess, I've had grown people ask me what a "nonprofit organization" is. I guess I should tell them what "context clues"** are too.

**context clues are...go dig a hole!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Who'd thunk it!

Well, ladies, gents, cats, dogs, and babies...I have entered!!! *Cue "Coming To America" dance sequence*

Some of you may already know me...some of you may not. Well, allow me to reintroduce myself...my name is not Hov.

But K to the...K. Dizzle...Kizzle...or just simply K.D.

I decided I would enter the blogosphere because...look, it's only so much you can say on a facebook status and twitter (I'm not on twitter, and don't plan on it anytime soon). And I'm fa serious. I used to write a gang of notes on facebook...just random ish, but I took a sabbatical and came back and all my ish was gone! Mark Zuckerberg is still on my hit list. Anywho, I figure I would have more freedom in the blogosphere, so here I is!!!

So, why do I have "andeyewonder.blogspot.com"? Well, my mind is always wondering...especially in the car; and "andiwonder" was already taken. So, no...my eye doesn't wonder. My eyes are perfectly aligned...in all of their near-sightedness. Thanks.

So what shall you expect? Well, let's see...RANDOMOCITY! Let me tell you where this randomocity stems from. As a child growing up on the South Side of Shick-A-Go, Ill-A-Know-Is...it was just my mother, grandmother, and myself. Then someone slipped my mom a mickey moms got pregnant and The Troll* arrived. So for a good 13 years, I was on my own...so the imagination is extremely vivid, son! My friends couldn't be at my house 24/7...so thank God for Nintendo...because having a gang of board games requiring 3 or more players was just heart-wrenching. Imagine trying to play Wheel of Fortune by yourself...

You can't!!!

Anywho, I may speak on some of everything here...from relationships to Greek life to why boogers are different shades of brown. Anything is possible....and impossible is nothing (no Adidas).

With that said, I pose this question to you:
Does the inside of our nose have a smell? And if so, how do we know if we're smelling the inside of our nose...or what's outside of the nose, in the air?
Nobody has been able to answer this question for me. Maybe my luck has change in 2009!

That's all folks. Please feel free to stalk follow my blog. Thank you...and you're welcome!

K to the...

*The Troll = My 14 year old sister.